~*THE ITCHY & SCRATCHY SHOW!*~

Man, I'm pissed. I was red as a cooked crab last Monday. Now I'm like a peeled orange. And I am freakin' itchy and scratchy! Argghh. Note to self: Thou shall refrain from being stubborn and lazy and just slather sunblock! Period.

Well it is my own lazy fault! I refused to wear sunblock when we went swimming and banana boat-riding at Plantation Bay, Cebu. Now I'm a walking Itchy & Scratchy show. Fudge. This will take about two weeks to totally peel off. Dang, dang, dang.

The night before my early morning flight to Cebu, I was at the Akafellas gig cum EB at Dish. I finally met Tere, June, Rommel, Sarah, Anne and saw familiar faces like Lucia, Teena, Mika, Sybil and Hogi. And coolness of coolness, I even met Rueben's dad and older sister. Reuben's dad (Tito Kiko) is such a cool dude. Very groovy and so in touch with the young ones like us. I noticed he was using the Kodak EasyShare DX 4330 so I chatted him up about it. He's pretty interesting to talk to. Such a doting father to Reubs. Aliw. So anyway, I got home at approx. 2am ('shared a cab with my friend Rose and AKAkadas Rommel & Hogi). I asked to be dropped off first despite the fact that I lived the farthest for I had to leave for the airport at 5am that Saturday. So there -- slept at 2am, woke up at 4am. Yeyness. Two freakin hours of sleep. I did not enjoy the plane ride to Cebu coz I slept the whole time. I was half-asleep amidst the Digital Photography sessions and was spaced out til dinner time.

So anyway, down at the NAIA, while I was loungin at the pre-flight benches waiting for my companions (around 6am), I saw those kids from Star Struck. It turned out they had a Cebu tour so we had the same flight. So there I was... I walked up to that Rainier (?) dude who had such a nice sunshiny smile and said, "Umm, you guys are from Star In A Million, right?" And this tanned smiling dude corrects me nicely, "Uhh, ma'am, Star Struck po." *Toinks self* "Oh, sorry! Yeah, Star Struck!" And I asked if I could take their picture. I remembered our maid who liked this Rainier dude so much that's why I took their picture -- so I can show it to her when I get home. I did not dare pose with them-- aghhh, that'd be way too jologs for my taste!




Well, it was my first visit to Plantation Bay and it proved to be a cool stay. The amenities were great. We had a banana boat ride wherein we refused to be toppled over... so like most of the ride was just ladidah and was spiced up with a coupla screaming and saltwater-tasting. After that, I had this 2-hrs long spa treatment called "Planter's Escape". My sunburned shoulders and face were slathered and wrapped with cucumber. And then a long Shiatsu finger pressure massage. Ooh la la.

Here are some snapshots:





I went around the resort and took some pictures. I showed them to our instructor and I got a pretty damn good feedback during the critique time. *woohoo* I wish I could have more time for photography... I am sooo starting to get hooked on this!

Here are my mahhhhvelous photos which I will put up on my own digital gallery one of these dayz:










Now excuse me while I scratch my sunburnt arm and hum the Itchy & Scratchy show theme song in my head...

~*GRINS*~

Woohoo. Went to DISH and watched the AKAfellas again (this time with my college friends... last week was with high school friends...). I swear, all my newbie friends are pretty much impressed by their performance. Very good, very good! My quasi-fanaticism is justified! Haha. I remember my Rockwell Ryan dayz... I went to every gig they had while he and Dain were here in the country. 'Such fun watching the talented musicians I luuuuuuurve.

So I came prepared last night armed with 128MB worth of MMCs and two Li-Ion batts coz I intended to take more of vids rather than pics. It's a LOT more fun to watch em again and again and again on Quicktime (*yey*). The vids I took last week kinda sucked coz the sound system was bad and I was right smack at the blasting speakers. Now the ones I took last night were way better, except for some occasional hand of an oblivious diner and a waitress passing by who's, uhh, oh well, doing her job (fine, fine!) violating a few seconds of my video screen.

Okaaay. So I really have to buy more PC memory. There's only 2 gigs left of my hard disk.*ackkkk* 'Gotta back-up and burn stuff so I can free up some space. My mpegs and movs are eating up my space. Note to self: Buy like 40 GIGS of new memory. Save up, save up! Ahhh. The DVD drive's another story... But I digress...

So ok... thanks to Rose & Rick who patiently waited for me til I finished with my hugs (and picture-taking!) with Robi & Reubs and til I finished chatting up the AKAkadas. I was like down to 2 pictures worth of remaining space on my digital cam at the end of the gig... so who better to spend them with?.... BUT OF COURSE! So I asked Teena to take my pics with Reubs & Robi. *yey*

Hmmm... So this is how I look like when I am ACTUALLY happy! When I saw my pics, I was like, ewww yuck! Wipe that stupid grin off your face honey! *teehee* So these are actually what's known as grinning from ear to ear. *wahahah*


Image model Reuben talaga oh...*sigh*



*Awww...* Robi the huggy-wuggy fuzzy snuggly teddy bear that he is!



You got me lifted, shifted, higher than a ceiling
And ooh wee it's the ultimate feeling
You got me lifted feeling so gifted
Sugar how ya get so fly?
Sugar sugar how ya get so fly?
Sugar sugar how ya get so fly?

~ Sugar, Sugar by Baby Bash featuring Frankie J

~*SHINING, SHIMMERING, SPLENDID*~

Ahhh. At long last, our househelp finally found time to clean my room! Good gawd, after ten years (okay, exaggeratin' here. maybe like 3 mos.?)!!! I'm asthmatic so I have a convenient excuse as to why I can't bust my ass off cleaning my own room. I used to vacuum it myself but with so many DVDs to watch, so many time to waste online, so much snuggly sleep to catch, well, I'm just too lazy to sweat it out.

I was like walking amongst dustballs and the parquet was starting to look like a sandy beach... I just ignored 'em to death, picked up and threw a coupla dustballs along the way. I didn't wanna command her to clean up my room coz I know with her slowpokeness (*eek* is there such a word? oh well, who cares...) she just has enough time for the daily doodads like washing dishes, cooking, laundry, ironing and stuff.

Oooh. Now my parquet is shiny! Kewlness.

Okay this is starting to be boring...

SHAPE-SHIFT: Highlight of the Day: *woopie* I got a "LIFE WITHOUT ME" DVD today! I was surprised to see that somebody thought of pirating that artfilm of Scott Speedman. Well I guess thanks to the unexpected success of Underworld, Scott Speedman stuff is finally comin' out on el cheapo DVDs. Heck, even that old Dark Blue movie of his is sooo out there at Makati Cinema Square!

I wish that there'd be a demand for Gael Garcia Bernal stuff so that the DVD pirates will start putting out all those other artfilms and stuff that he came out in. Dang, dang, dang! I still can't get hold of that oh-so-ever-elusive El Crimen del Padre Amaro DVD... it's still out of stock.... and I swear, I can just smirk at the ignorance of some salesladies who don't have a clue when I ask if they have Padre Amaro. They give me a momentary blank stare and just say they don't have it simply because they just don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Ahhh, regrets, regrets!!! I should've bought it when I saw it months ago! I wanna have my own copy of the DVD even though I've seen it already. That artfilm made me cry. It was so well-made, such a thought-provoking plot -- I think it got Best Foreign Film from the Academy. But of course, I think it's also majorly because he's hot. *teehee*

I just wanna get hold of as much Gael stuff as I can. I started to appreciate artfilms because of him. Plus, I only have the patience to read the subtitles and go through 2 to 3 hours of artsy fartsy direction and cinematography if he's on screen 90% of the time. I swear, he is such an intense actor. And did I already mention that he is hot, hot, hot?! One day, I hope he'll get an Oscar like that Pianist dude did. I wonder if he's still with Natalie Portman... lucky lucky gal.

*'just thought of Gael in Y Tu Mama Tambien* Oooh. Splendid. Yuuummeeeh.*wink*wink*

~*QUICKIE UPDATES*~

Okay. After I've cursed village photos to pieces, I have migrated my blog images and moved it to ripway. I just hope ripway doesn't pull a selfish stunt like what village photos did. *#%@!

That forlorn "heartbreak" artwork in my Sept 20 '03 blog can be seen by the worldwide webbies again and my lil tribute to Rockwell Ryan (which he sooo appreciated his MB! *woohoo* I luv him for that! Yey!) last Oct. 18 '03 is on display again.

Whew. Ok. 'Back to listening to Chico, Del & Brad. Oh, and back to, uhmm, work. But of course. Ackkk.

~*SUGAR RUSH*~


Hmmm. Watched the AKAfellas last night @ Dish. My friends and officemates think I'm crazy. *teehee* So what? Who cares? Big deal! I luvvvv the AKAfellas so don't think I'm crazy when you ask what's my G and I say I'm watching them AGAIN. I am a freakin groupie and I ain't got no shame about it! *woohoo*

They make me happy. They really do. I mean, I am not as messed up as I was before. If I were to acknowledge them for anything, I'd say they made a difference in my life by bringing back the sunshine in it. Yeah. Their gigs are such a joy to watch (",). I get entertained, I laugh, and I forget I have these stupid love problems I keep ranting about in this blog. It's so nice, right? They have no idea how they (and their music) touch the lives of so many people in so many different ways.

Well yeah I have crushes among them, but hey, it's just a lil crush ya know. Like a lil something to smile about. That's all. And to think I am *ackkk* older than them. *teehee*

Awww. They're my sugar rush. Yey! I have enough to last til the next gig.

And gee, I always miss Robi talaga. As in! He's just sooo uber-lambing! I was waiting for him outside Dish coz I really wanted to greet him. Kahiya lang earlier, inside I saw him but he was sitting with his beautiful GF... it's gonna be rude naman if I intrude in their personal space... so I just waited and hung around outside. And so finally I saw him walking out and I was like: "Robiiiiiiii!!!!" with matching wide smile and open arms. And he went like: "heyyyyyyy!!!" with matching smile and open arms din. So like I beso'ed him as alwayz and kala ko beso lang our greeting eh he said "hug, hug!". Edi hug naman ako dba. *nyahaha* It's like we sooo missed each other and haven't seen each other for a long time that's why a hug was in order. So cute. *teehee* As I said before, he reminds me of a snuggly-wuggly, warm, fuzzy, huggable teddy bear. It's sooo him. Super lambing forever talaga. Wala lang. There. Sugar rush #1.

Sugar rush #2: I thought I'd never get to greet Reubs coz I didn't see him outside. It turned out he was hanging around inside Dish na pala after the show. So from the rest room, I passed by him and I greeted him with a beso-cum-hug. Haha. He was busy sitting with the chicks. Haha, it's sooo him! He was cute like a little kid when he excitedly said "Didja see my new hair?" while pointing out his anime-inspired mohawk whatchamacallit hair style... all gelled up and gathered to a spike in the middle. He reminds me of the dragonballz. *teehee* Man, he's like startin' to be kinda buff now. I see a better abs and biceps in the making. *wooohoo* Yey!

Sugar rush#3: DJ Myke's funny antics on stage! The cockroach thing. And the kuto thing. Winner as always.*grins* He is just a natural comic, I swear! DJ Myke + Robi=LOL all the time.

See, now these are why I always wanna see them... They keep me off being depressed. Man, I'd hate to be the sad bitchy drama queen all the time. *teehee*

Wo-oo-ooh, nanananana, can't you see I'm happy now. (",)

~*RESOLUTION*~


I am standing at the edge of tomorrow. I do not know what to feel about it. But I wish today was over already. I look forward to closing this heavy book. I am so tired of it. I am so tired of blogging about it endlessly. I wish my feelings can just stop. Halt. Forget. Move on. Pretend it never happened. It was just a nasty dream. I do not want look back in anger and heartache. My soul is too frail for such a massive, oppressing feeling.


I'm so tired of being here...
... If you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Coz your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

~ My Immortal, Evanescence



I wonder if this sick cycle is gonna stop. I wonder if I shall live to see a better day. Bliss. I miss the bliss of being heady and reeling in the carelessness and foolishness of that so-called love.

Wow. It's almost been a year since I saw Two Week's Notice. Look at that. That was a damn stupid thing to do -- to watch that stupid movie and to sit stupidly beside him. Oh f#%@ it. Total B.S. That totally shattered my belief in saccharine, sickeningly sweet, too-good-to-be true tales about falling in love. Now when I remember it, it's just plain sickening. Revolting, even. Of course, that's my defense mechanism talking.


How could you make me take a start
then just leave me here hanging
Can't even say how I'm feeling
How can you make then break my heart?

Listen just hear my voice
Can you hear all the tears
that I'm planning to hide for the next thousand years
Just as long as you know that I love you

How can a blind man find the light?
How can I find our kind of right?
How could you take away my sight?
How could you lose me in the night?
Then you took away the heart in me
now I'm losing this fight
No, I will never ever be the same

~ The Man I was with You, Jimmy Bondoc



I have come to a resolution (ooh, how apt for the new year). I will not communicate with him ever again. I will not talk to him, text him or dare to ever hang out with him. I will avoid him like the plague. There. I resolve to shut him out of my life forever. In fact, I will try to blissfully (albeit bitterly) deny his existence. Who? Huh? Who? Oh sorry, I don't know him.

If this is what it takes to sleep peacefully again, to be truly happy again, to not feel this tormenting, aching feeling ever again, then so be it. His replies to my stupid texts are so nonchalant anyway. It's foolish for me to even try to bring him back. Foolish. Anyone who knows our story would just shake their head and tell me to stop, just let go and move on.


You came and got things today,
I packed your car, I watched you drive away
I cried so many tears that day,
It burnt my face, it felt like acid rain.
I know I can't keep lying to myself,
I said I'd be content with someone else,
I know I never have to face the pain

I won't cry no more, I won't drown in my tears
I won't die no more, I've got over my fears
And I'm moving on, I know what to do.
Cause I'm better off without you
and we both know that it's true.


It's gonna take a little time to stick in my mind
the fact you're gone for good.
Cause when you said you're leaving me, I heard it before,
I never really thought you would
Maybe I should be glad that you've gone away
I know the pain would not be here to stay
If I can only fool myself maybe, baby,

I won't cry no more, I won't drown in my tears
I won't die no more, I've got over my fears
And I'm moving on, I know what to do.
Cause I'm better off without you
and we both know that it's true.

That I won't cry, I'm moving on.

I know it's hard enough, to fall in and out of love,
But when something is gone,
to keep holding on
will only break your heart.
So I won't play the fool by begging you to stay
I wanna keep it inside, til you're out of sight,
Maybe that way,

I won't cry no more, I won't drown in my tears
I won't die no more, I've got over my fears
And I'm moving on, I know what to do.
Cause I'm better off without you
and we both know that it's true.
Me and you.

And we both know we're through.

~ I Won't Cry, Profyle

~* SWING, SWING *~

Argghh. I haven't been in an AKAfellas gig for a long time now. 'Not distracted anymore!!! Haven't had my sugar-rush 'fellas lately. And so in random moments of stillness, his memory haunts me. I still miss him terribly. I don't know if he knows it. Well I texted him tons of times when I was in Baguio and we had a pretty decent chat but... NOTHING.

Leaving is sad when he didn't even know you stayed.


I recall when you said that you would never leave me
You told me more, so much more like when the time you whispered in my ear
It was heaven in my heart
I remember when you said that you'll be here forever

Then you left without even saying that you're leaving
I was hurt and it really won't be easy to forget yesterday
And I prayed that you would stay
But then you're gone and oh so far away

I was afraid this time would come
I wasn't prepared to face this kind of hurting from within
I have learned to live my life without you
Maybe I'll just dream of you tonight
And if into my dream you'll come and touch me once again
I'll just keep on dreaming til my heartaches end.

~ Til My Heartaches End, Ella Mae Saison


I pretend to be okay with it. I pretend that I have forgotten. I pretend that I don't wish, in every breath I take, that he will come back.


Saying goodbye
Is never an easy thing
But you never said
That you'd stay forever.
So if you must go,
Oh darling I set you free,
But I know in time
We'll be together

I won't try
To stop you now from leaving
Coz in my heart I know

Love will lead you back,
Someday I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms,
Where you belong
I'm sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again, it won't be long,
One of these days our love will lead you back.

One of these nights,
I'll hear your voice again,
And you're gonna say,
how much you missed me.
You'll walk out this door,
But someday you'll walk back in,
And darling I know
I know this will be.

Sometimes it takes,
Sometime your on your own now
To find your way back home...

~ Love Will Lead You Back, Taylor Dayne


I don't want to wait in vain for his love. My mind is willing, but my damn stubborn heart is weak.

And so I pretend that I am happy and content. Everyday, I sing a lonely song in a happy tune. I make sarcastic remarks, I laugh at the hilarious, I post fun cutesy stuff on the message board, I scream cheers... But I sing a lonely song in a happy tune.


Days swiftly come and go
I'm dreaming of (him)...
... Emotions they stir
The sun is gone
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise...

~ Swing, Swing, All-American Rejects