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Friday, April 21, 2006


This is one of the most beautifully-written songs I've ever come across with. Such a killer song. The "anchor" line of his song "love is what I need to help me know my name" just blows me away. So profound! Awww.

Then the rainstorm came over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time threw a prayer to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
Coz I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I don't bend, don't break
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
Love will help me know my name

Now I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

As I try to understand the meaning of love,
Love will help me know my name.


There was this episode of Oprah wherein Jon Bon Jovi mentioned something about certain songs he wrote which are now bookmarks of his life (and even of other people's lives out there). I can relate to that. I love music so I guess I am one of those persons who have these certain songs which remind them of certain moments in their lives. Like, when I hear a particular song, I am reminded of certain events/situations I was in. I also associate certain songs to certain persons (mostly my objects of affection). Sometimes I hate my associating songs to specific persons coz hearing the song triggers the drama queen in me. It throws me off and suddenly this deluge of emotions come creeping in and vivid flashbacks fill my mind. Now that's freakin' unwelcome when you're trying to get over or thought you have already gotten over someone. Such a bummer. Anyway, I felt like listing some of those song bookmarks of my life. I'll try to go as far back as my memory will allow me...

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go (Wham) - our class danced to this back in Grade 1 or 2, I think, for the intramurals. With matching shoot that ball dance step. Hiyuck!

Supersonic (?) - HAH! I danced to this tune back in Grade 4. I remember wearing my dad's bike gloves (you know those leather gloves without the fingertips). Charo, kasama ba kita in that dance number for the Christmas Party?!?

Blame It On The Rain (Milli Vanilli) - Grade 6. Christmas party rin ata. Uso pa yung Roger Rabbit and Running Man dance steps that time! Yuuuuck! :p

Hold on (Wilson Philips) - I think also in Grade 6. Three of us sang this song. I think it was for the feast of then-Venerable Bakhita (she's a "blessed" na diba? Or is she a "saint" na ba?)

Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler) - I sang this at Canossa's Social Hall stage in some event -- Sisters Day ata. With matching trembly voice due to stage fright which I think worked for me coz my voice sounded better that way! hehe.

If We Hold On Together (Diana Ross?) - our Grade 6 Graduation song!

No More Rhyme (Debbie Gibson)/Vision of Love (Mariah Carey) - I sang these songs for our practical test in Music class back in Grade 5 and 1st year high school respectively.

25 Minutes (Michael Learns to Rock)/Can't Cry Hard Enough (Williams Brothers) - these were the popular songs during the time I had chicken pox back in 2nd yr. high school.

Will I Survive/Line to Heaven (Introvoys) - these were my songs to my long-time crush

Perfect (True Faith) - my crush who was a vocalist in a band back in high school sang this. Pero badtrip coz I know the song was dedicated to his then-girfriend which was not me. I was just pining away for him in the corner. I remember watching their band's performance from the 2nd floor of the high school building.

Magasin (Eraserheads) - this lower batch guy was singing this to tease me and his classmate who had a crush on me. I think I was in 3rd year and the guy's in 2nd year.

Creep (Stone Temple Pilots) - this was the song my band performed during the SAP launching back in 3rd year (?) sa grassy part ng school grounds. The very first song we performed in public! Kulang na lang rocking chair ni Scott Weiland ;)

Wag Kang Baboy (Tribal Fish) - this is the only song I remember singing during the Battle of the Bands. There was another Tribal Fish song that we sang but I don't remember the title anymore. Anyway, I vividly remember having the mic not functioning well during our first song so I had to freakin' shout in singing and then Ajie dropping her drum sticks during her 1-2-3 cue! We didn't win that contest though.

Tell The World (Trina Belamide) - the World Youth Day '95 song! Abbie, I remember our camping out days with Aktib, Jako, Sinta, Ianne and Bambi! Remember that time we sneaked our way into the hotel restroom so we could freshen up? And Aktib feeling feverish? "Kayo" pa nun dba? hehe

214 (Rivermaya) - Am I flip? World Youth days... Si Jako ata nagpauso nito eh. This song will always remind me of, well, Flip.

Interstate Love Song (Stone Temple Pilots) - "So do you laugh or does it cry?". I remember I wrote that line in my love letter to ____. He asked me to give him a record of that song.

Without Me (Clair Marlo) - "I had an inspiration to call you on the phone... I'm the one who left you and you're the one who's fine without me..." ; reminds me of my on/off times with ____. We just couldn't jibe. When he wants me, I don't want him and when I want him, he doesn't want me. Hayyy.

Simply Jesse (Rex Smith) - reminds me of my college schoolmate/chat mate sa L229 (La Sallians, did I remember the room number right?) whom I kinda liked until he started courting me. Chatting was just an emerging technology back then.

Tha Crossroads(Bone Thugs N' Harmony) - my college friend and I were big fans of Bone Thugs back then. We memorized the lyrics and knew how to rap the song. Ahh those hiphop/R&B days of mine.

Dreaming Of You (Selena)/Someday We'll Know (New Radicals) - I sent some lyrics of this song to my college crush anonymously via the beeper. (Yes, I was stalker-ish back in college! hehe)

Promise Me (Beverly Knight) - "And I wish that it was still last night...". Weirdly, the CD player got stuck and played this line over and over during the morning after I told my college crush that I liked him during this certain overnight outing w/ my blockmate/friends at Kim Siong Tagaytay. My crush and I were sitting on the swing. Hehe.

You Make Me Wanna (Usher) - my college friend and I were fans of Usher. Usher was just a new artist back then. We learned how to dance the chorus like Usher does in his video.

Tubthumping (Chumbawamba?) - I remember my college crush and some of my friends trying to dance the "I get knocked out, but I get back again..." part. So cute.

Breakdown (Mariah Carey)/I'd Die Without You (PM Dawn) - my theme songs for my college crush; My friend was copying the lyrics of the PM Dawn song off the internet for me. My friend got tired of writing and it was my college crush who continued writing the lyrics. I still have that piece of paper. Awww.

Sukiyaki (4PM) - I was singing this in the car and my college crush joined me in singing some parts of the song.

Passenger Seat/Out of My League (Stephen Speaks) - reminds me of ____. Back in 2003.

Wish You Were Here (Incubus) - we texted this to each other back in 2003.

True (Spandau Ballet) - he sang this on the videoke during our high school reunion. "So true. Funny how it seems always in time but never in line for dreams..."

Big Yellow Taxi (Counting Crows) - this was in the soundtrack of Two Weeks Notice, one of the movies we watched together.

Biglaan (6CyleMind) - another song for ___. Biglang nawala eh. Deym.

If I Ain't Got You (Alicia Keys) - I designated this as my 26th birthday song last 2004.

The Day You Went Away (Wendy Matthews)/Kiss the Rain (Billie Myers)/Foolish-Unfoolish (Ashanti)/Do What You Have to Do and some more songs from Mirrorball (Sarah Mchlachlan)/I Love You Anyway (Travis)/La Cienga Just Smiled and Harder Now That It's Over (Ryan Adams)/ Blue Parade (Sarah Slean) - the songs I listened to when I was wallowing over this guy back in 2003 til 2004.

You Won't See Me Crying (Passage) - OTB days in 2004. Duet pa kami. Shiyeeeet. F'ing bad memories now. Bad trip 'to. This is the number 1 song which reminds me of ____.

If the Feeling is Gone (Kyla) - I sang this during our OTB days dedicated to ____. Months later, the song also applied for _____.

Let Me Be the One (Jimmy Bondoc)/What If (Babyface)/She Will Be Loved (Maroon5) - I associate these songs to this one person. Those are probably his songs for me (but 'What If' is my song for him). "What if we were wrong about each other? What if you were really made for me? What if we were supposed to be together? Would that not mean anything?..."

Invisible War (Julia Fordham) - my song for _____. "Seems were waging an invisible war... Everyday I seem to lose you more... Talk about a fine line between lovers and friends. We've never been lovers now we're not even friends."

Reveal the Remedy and Endless, A Silent Whisper (Urbandub) - my songs for ____. "We could've been more. Can we ever have these feelings again? Maybe in time we'll realize that maybe that fate reveals the remedies..." "Is this the beginning of our last dance? Once around the floor can we do it again?"

Sana Sinabi/Tensionado (Soapdish)/Sorry (Maria Mena)/ Right Next to Me (Whistle)/What About Love (Lemar)/Nobela (Join the Club)/I Miss You (Blink 182) - songs I listen to when I'm wallowing about _____.

Hiling (Paramita)/Oo (UpDharmaDown) - my songs for ____.

Indeed, this is the soundtrack of my life.


I just realized that I am a sentimental pack rat. A couple of weeks ago, I started cleaning my room to free up some space for my new shoe cabinet (my dad made it for me--customized shape to exactly fit my room's wall and colored lavender!) and TV/component rack (we had it custom-built and painted lavender!). My clean-up project yielded tall stacks of old magazines, about 3 big black garbage bags of stuff to throw away, 30 empty shoe boxes and 2 big black garbage bags of stuff to give away.

I think I should stop accumulating those wedding/debut souvenirs. I swear, they're just sitting on my shelf, collecting dust! They're nice to look at but what exactly are their purpose? Wala lang, dba? Totally useless stuff. I must stop being senti about souvenirs. I even discarded some of my angel figurine collections save for some expensive ones and some of those given to me as a gift (Charo, I still have that cute angel figurine you gave me for my birthday!). I think my mom salvaged some of those figurines and put 'em on her dish garden. I also had to discard my stuffed toys and told my mom to donate it somewhere.

As I was sorting my things, I discovered that I still kept this essay I wrote for my English Lit. class back in college. I think it's coz I got an A in it and my EngLit professor marked certain parts with comments like "good point" and "good analogy". As I read it, I thought, wow, I really did a damn good job writing that paper! I also found this project I made for my Business Philiosophy subject -- clippings of various fallacies. I can't even remember all those different kinds of fallacies we studied back then.

I also had my medals segregated into "grade school", "high school" and "college". Then I had these thick envelopes marked "The Canossa School Experience" and "The DLSU Experience". On the Canossa envelope, I had a file of my report cards from Kindergarten til Fourth Year High School! Words like "diligent", "serious in her studies", "well-behaved", "good leader", "strives hard", "exerts more effort", "cooperative" appeared in my grade school report cards. Dang. I have a sneaking suspicion that I was a real geek back in elementary! Hiyuck. Also found my winner certificates for Spelling, Arts and Essay-writing contests. And ooh, my high school ID full of stickers and my "Canossian Peer Counselor" heart-shaped pin which used to be gold (now it's brown!). An interesting find was my CSAT (College Scholastic Aptitude Test) result -- I obviously suck in Mathematics! hehe. My percentile rank in Math was a sucky 67%! Ooh but I'm real proud of my English percentile rank: a swell 99%! Science was 96% and Inductive Reasoning was 83%. My General Scholastic Aptitude was 95%. I wonder if I'd still get a similar result if I took the very same aptitude test NOW. Hmmm. I also still kept the recognition day programs and that Lily newsletter write-up (by Abbie!) about my rock band Exordium back in high school.

On my DLSU envelope, I found my certificates for Marketing quiz bee and Accounting 1A Challenge. My Dean's Lister certificates were also still intact. And wow, I think ALL my course cards from first year til fourth year college were there! Even all my enrollment records showing all my subjects and even room number were also on file. In my entire college life, (and I still remember to this very day!!!) I only had two subjects wherein I got a 1.5 (our grading system had 4 as the highest) -- I first got 1.5 in Accounting 2A and I remember my professor was this lady called Ms. Payongayong. We used to call her "Umbrella-rella" behind her back. Hehe. The second AND last time I ever got 1.5 was in ComLaw1. Those terms sucked. I remember appealing to both of my professors coz I couldn't qualify for Dean's List even if my total average was technically qualified due to the grade they gave me. But, dammit, they're heartless professors!:p Oh well.

Another interesting find were my diaries dating as far back as 1990! My first diary back in Grade 6 had a Snoopy design. My succeeding diaries were notebooks which I jazzed up with graphics from magazines and stuff. I also kept this journal we were required to have in our Religion class back in high school. I read that journal and I can't believe I just bombarded my Religion teacher (he was Brother Noel if I remember right...) with detailed accounts of my screaming during intrams and getting "kilig" over my numerous high school crushes. Even the way I wrote in that journal was so... teeny-boppy and girly-girl giddy. Eww. Anyway, I guess I'm really into writing down my thoughts -- I started with a diary back in 1990 and I have been blogging since 2003.

I also have this box containing all the love letters I ever got back in high school and college. It was so heart-warming reading those stuff! Went teary-eyed on certain letters. And I can't believe how my love life progressed (wait, do you even call it a progress with the way things are so f***ed up now?!? haha!) to being a complicated ball of crap now when it seemed so simple, easy, untainted and pure back in those days. *sigh* I guess that's one of the trade-offs of being an adult. We have to strike a balance in thinking and making life-altering decisions with both our heart and mind. Logic and passion fighting inside your head.

To date, I have 32 pairs of footwear. That includes office shoes/sandals, rubber shoes and casual flats/clogs but excluding my flipflops. Am I abnormal? I don't know. I guess I am a shoe person. But now I resolve to avoid buying trendy inexpensive shoes in favor of expensive classic leather shoes. I'm thinking of it as an investment. And I am avoiding the problem of finding space for new shoes coz my new shoe cabinet can only hold exactly how much shoes I have now. If I buy a new one, I would have to let go of an old one. And I want soft cushioned soles now! I am tired of having tired feet at the end of the day! Yesterday, I started my new policy on shoe buying and bought myself a pair of tan-colored Naturalizer sandals :-) I'm hoping it would serve me for a veeeery long time for the freakin' price I paid for it! On my next credit card cycle, I am targeting to invest in good pairs of black and white sandals. That's all I need: brown, white and black shoes to go with my outfits. So far, as I shopped around, I narrowed down my options to only a few brands coz they're the ones with soft cushy soles: Naturalizer, Bass, Hush Puppies and some shoe labels in Rustans which I don't remember. Do you guys know of any other shoe labels with super cushy soles and genuine leather upper? Suggestions please! ;-) And what's with Brazil? I noticed that both Naturalizer and Bass are made in Brazil. Hmmm.

After cleaning and freeing up some space in the process, my room felt "light". I can't exactly put it into words but you know... like all that purging had made the "aura" of my room much better. I read from somewhere that getting rid of the clutter and mess can improve the "energy" or like the positive chi or something of one's room. I think it's true. I looove staying in my room more now.

Friday, April 14, 2006


Went to Subic again (like last year) with my family. Last Monday, we were at the Camayan Beach. Unfortunately, my umm period had this knack for bad timing so I wasn't able to swim in the beach. I still wanted to get some color on my [office] fluorescent lamp-soaked skin so I took a walk on the quiet part of the beach to take some pictures here and there. I waded a bit on the shore coz I loved feeling the cushy fine sand on my feet :)

Here's a collage of my beach shots:

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Now here's one for the Twilight Zone episodes [cue Twilight Zone music]...

After I got off the beach, I noticed on the resort's bathroom mirror that I had these strange untanned white spots on both of my shoulders. Such weirdness. And it's totally creepy that the untanned spots were positioned in such a way that it looked as if somebody was holding onto my shoulders. The spots seemed like imprints of fingertips. Holy cow. This one's really something pulled out of a Twilight Zone episode. I don't know WTF those are and how the F those untanned spots happened. I am as spaced out as you probably are.

My mom took some pics of 'em while we were having our lunch at Aristocrat...

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So anyway, I was looking at some more of the pics I took while I was wandering alone at the quiet part of the beach... I was photographing my shadow at some point. I took a few shots coz I was trying to get a good angle of my shadow which I casted on the sand. It's weird how there's that fuzzy shadow beside me which appears at the first two photos on top. Again, I don't know WTF that was. There was no one at that part of the beach aside from me when I took those pics; I was not near any kind of tree that would cast a shadow beside me. The two other pictures at the bottom turned out to be sharp shadows of me so I don't know why the top photos didn't have the same sharp outline.

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Anyway, to take my mind off the Twilight Zone-ish strangeness, we noticed this big-ass almost neon green caterpillar that was on the sand beside where my mom and I were sitting. Thank God that huge thing didn't land on anyone of us! I would have freaked out & screamed, well, like a girl!!! Anyway, it was quite entertaining in a National Geographic kind of way to watch the caterpillar slowly crawl its way back to the tree.

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We stayed at Subic Park Hotel from Monday til Wednesday. Last Wednesday morning, we took a walk on the beach front and as usual, I brought my camera. 'Managed to catch one of the quick and elusive tiny crabs boring holes all over the beach. So here's another one of my Nat. Geo. shots ;p The crab's camouflage is flawless...

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Couldn't resist taking a photo of the small pond and cute parakeets (?) at the hotel's lobby:

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Last Tuesday, we spent our afternoon at the Zoobic Safari. I like animals so I had a great time during the tour :) We went to the Tiger Safari where live chickens (at P500 bucks a pop) were fed to the free-roaming tigers while we were in the safety of the safari jeep. There's the Serpentarium which wasn't too exciting coz you know how boring reptiles are when you're just watching them through a glass window. We had a Close Encounter with the tigers in captivity. We walked through the narrow hallway right beside their {stinking} cages. We were warned by our guide to watch out for the tiger's upright tail coz that meant it was gonna aim and spray us with its urine! We managed to avoid that, thank God! However, we almost gagged coz the last two caged tigers had just crapped and the literally shitty smell was suffocating! Looking back, I could have done without that part of the tour! :p We also did a "drive-by" at the Savannah where the majestic ostriches, pot-bellied pigs & wild boars roamed freely. The towering ostriches walk so gracefully that they remind me of ramp models. Oh and those darling thick, long eyelashes! They look so beautiful :) I had the most fun at the Zoobic Park where you can pet some of the animals like the very friendly goats who followed us around. My favorite was the herd of sheep which went on a full blast baa-baa symphony (one sounded off-key! haha!). The bear cat was amusing too coz it was just hanging up side down on one of the branches. I think it was sleeping... its arms were just stretched in mid air... it's so cute! :)

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the ostrich was a bit too uhh enthusiastic :D I was scared that it would bite my head or something so I couldn't really pose beside it!

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a cute ferret just like Jennifer Aniston's pet in Along Came Polly :)

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i think that was my maternal instinct kicking in! :D

The first tiger cub that was supposed to pose with me actually went on a sofa-biting tantrum so they had to replace it with a much tamer milk-thirsty cuddly tiger cub. It was quite heavy and I was surprised to feel that its coat was very coarse (that explains why the tigers in the Tiger Safari didn't seem to be dripping wet despite being in the pond neck-deep). The cub was on my lap the whole time it was drinking the bottle full of milk. Cool experience, I must say! :)