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Sunday, February 29, 2004


'Was at the dog show all afternoon. We decided to enter our 3-mo. pup Kikay in her very first dog show. It was organized by the United Pitbull Club (San Pedro Laguna chapter).

Long story about her name. Geez, I don't like it that much but hey, she's got recall among the audience! Originally, I wanted to call her Kahlua. Kewlness, right? Well my parents didn't think so. So okay, I said Kelly then -- after Kelly Osbourne coz she's a tough chick right? But she didn't quite respond to the name. I think twas my sis who came up with Kikay coz she has this cute eyeshadow-eyeliner thing going on with her eyes. I said, why not Cleo then, as in Cleopatra? Oh well, she didn't respond to it either. She liked being called Kikay. Her ears would perk up when we'd call her that. So Kikay it is!

So there we were, goin on the 10-min. drive to the contest venue. Half-way through the ride, she did what I feared she would. She pooped, man! She pooped inside the car! Well she was in her cage but then, you know how dogshit smells when they're on dog food and milk. REEKING is the word! We rolled down our windows but it really smelled super funky that I swear I was almost gagging! I was already putting an inch of my face out the window coz it really really smelled gross. Gaaaah!

Oh but she won, she won!!! We were so estatic coz it was her first try and she won first prize in female pup (3-6 mos.) category! She bested the other ten or so she-pups!!! I thought she was just gonna get at least a 3rd place coz one of the judges commented that she was a little too plump! And then, she was pitted against the male pup winner for the Best Showdog - Pup Category... (the male was really nice, it had a blue coat; Kikay's color is called "fawn", I think...) and she won again! Wooohooo! All her crapping in the car was well worth it! Our maid (the official yaya), me (the official photographer), my sis (the official handler) and Dad (the official financier) were really happy and proud of our dear baby Kikay!

Here are her pictures:

*Her daddy Anselmo also competed in the male adult category and he won too! Her mommy Dagger also competed, I think but she didn't win though.

#1! KIKAY'S WINNING FORM! Here are her two plaques (which look like sizzling plates, by the way! *teehee*) from the United Pitbull Club. The bigger one was for the Best Showdog - Pup category.

I realized that the next time I go to a dog show, I shouldn't waste my time taking a bath first. Haha. The moment we got there it smelled like dogs, dogs, dogs! And since I was petting Kikay and the rest of the dogs, plus since it was kinda hot out there, I was quite doggish-smelling and dirty. I'm a germophobic freako but there was no place to wash your hands there. It seemed that putting alcohol or hand sanitizer would only spread the dog smell and dirt more so I did not bother with it. I have never been that dirty EVER! I was touching the dogs all the time. Plus her saliva was all over my pants and arms too. I felt really eww-y about it but oh well, I'm still alive... And I smell of Body Shop grapefruit body wash now ; )


Gaah. I suddenly missed him today. Crap. I don't even need forty days of sacrifice! I think I was jinxed since day one.

Random thought: If true love comes only but once in a lifetime, what happens when it leaves? Could you ever find another purpose in life other than to love and be loved?

What Chico said the other day rings true. It seems that love only exists to the simple. If you're a complicated person and you tend to overanalyze things and thirst for the profound, it will really be hard for you to find love. You tend to seek further and think too deeply. Hence, little, ordinary, simple things do not qualify as love in your vocabulary.

There are too many mediocre things in life and love should not be one of them. ~ Dream for an Insomniac

But was THAT (already) love that I lost? So what's the point in pining and hoping? Oh take me back to the start...

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads are a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

~ The Scientist, Coldplay

OH IT'S SUCH A SHAME FOR US TO PART... Yeah well nobody told me it would be THIS hard...

Wednesday, February 25, 2004


Okay so here are the pics from this weekend. Here are some shots of Jason Mraz on rollerblades:

I only know about 5 or so songs of Jason Mraz so half the time I couldn't quite relate to the songs he sang. I was waiting for him to sing Sleeping to Dream but he didn't. Dang. Some guy kept shouting his request for Jason to sing Sleeping to Dream but he didn't. Grrrr. I don't think it's in his album. I just DL'd it. He wrote such nice lyrics, very poignant. It's my fave Mraz song.

I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you I'm feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town
I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes
and they all fall down.
As I lay me down tonight,
I close my eyes and what a beautiful sight

I'm sleeping to dream about you
I'm so tired of having to live without you
So I'm sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

I found myself in the riches (Your eyes, your lips, your hair.) Well you were everywhere
But I woke up in the ditches. I hit the light and I thought you might be here
but you were nowhere. You were nowhere at home.

As I lay me back to sleep
Lord I pray that I can keep
Sleeping to dream about you
I'm so tired of having to live without you
So I'm sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

(It's just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night.)

Sleeping to dream about you
I'm so tired of having to live without you
So I'm sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

~ Sleeping to Dream, Jason Mraz


Okay. Now on my beloved 'Fellas... Here are my pics with the fellas who hung around with Teena, Mika, Tere, Hogi and me for a while after the show:

Okay so there's Red (Mr. videographer dude! He video'd part of their show. He was singing while taking shots with his video cam. Kewlness. It's for that documentary thing he's working on...) Second pic is with my huggy-wuggy-Robi. Gaah. *hugz*hugs* forever! There's Karl Kalbo (umm, peace ____! hehehe). Okay, Melismatic-singin' Karl na nga lang! Okaaay, 4th picture... there's Reuben trying to be, uhmm, funny. *teehee* Kaya pala he was so excited to see the pic right after it was shot... "Bilis, bilis, tingnan natin!" he said. Haha. Nag-emote pala ang bata! And there... finally, a pic with the unsung hero Mr. Bass-man Roger! I told him "Hey Roger, picture, picture! Wala akong picture with you EVER eh!" There. Natuwa naman sya.

After that I tagged along with Tere and Hogi at Seattle's Best (read: Shaaatels best, ala Tere. hehehe)


So since Sunday I've been OD'ing on their album. Oh c'mon indulge me, after all, I've waited for this freakin album since November 2003! And wow, it was worth the 20-message board-pages of wait! Well honestly I've been skipping track one because, umm, my ears will just bleed if I hear another "hala!". I know it's Robi's song but hey, even he said he was kinda tired of it back when we were talking in Ad Congress' Radioworks at Baguio. I can only take so much Bongga. Hehe.(Gaah, was my, umm, expression correct? Anywayz, moving on...) It's better heard live coz that's where they do their solo stints.

On Karl: Grabeh. As in whoa. He really kicks ass with that melismatic singing thing he does. And he kinda sounds like Gary V. This kid is blessed!

On Paulo's Harana: Hehehe, as I said to Teena, there's a part there that makes me snicker. That "waga-aaa-as" part. Hmm. Basta. But I luv the "guys, one more time" as always. It's so cute. Nakaka last-song-syndrome.

To end this blog entry, let me share a funny anecdote: So here I was this morning, taking a bath, with the album blasting out loud so I can hear it inside the bathroom. The funny thing is, I was freakin singing along to Sound Illusion...but NOT at the part na may lyrics ha, take note. Now ain't that just out of whack?! *teehee*

Sunday, February 22, 2004


Woohoo (tired-sounding woohoo yan...) I was at the Jason Mraz gig last Saturday. Twas a total blast! I realized that in a weird, geekish, kidish sort of way that Jason is kinda cute...

Today I went to the first leg of my beloved 'Fellas mall tour (album promo) at ATC. Coolness, lotsa peeps there, as in! As in their CDs were sold out in Odyssey ATC and even in their Festival Mall branch.

Weeee! Got to join the fellas and the akakadas (teena, hogi, mika) at California Pizza Kitchen for a quick snack before the 4pm gig. I just got to the Activity Center when I saw Robi and greeted him. And then he invited me to join them guys at CPK. Kewlness. He's sooo bait talaga.

Okay I'm verrrry tired and I need to catch a lot of missed Zzzs. Will post more Jason Mraz and AKAfellas stuff tomorrow... Or the next day... Or on (holiday) Wednesday.

Woohooo, the AKAfellas kicks (major) ass!!!!

Visit the site that I helped Lucy with...


Saturday, February 14, 2004


Whoa. He texted me at 12:30 am today. (Take note ha, as in parang he deliberately wanted to be the first one to greet me Happy Valentine's Day... Oh well. I read into things too much. Gullible me.) Twas something quite stupid. A variation on the "Coke Ko 'To" catchy rhyme from the TV ad. It's too stupid to type in here... anyway, it ended with "Baduy noh? That's what love is." Gaaah. How freakin lame is that?! I was too sleepy to reply and start up a chat. His text actually woke me up. So anyway, I went back to sleep, thinkin' "You... you! Gaah. Just you wait til tomorrow when I wake up..."

At 7:30 am, I texted him back something serious. I didn't want to forward some lame V-day joke to him. After all, this was my only chance to text him. My new year's resolution was not to text him EVER. The exception, I guess, was when he texted me, I shall reply as necessary. Hah! I bet I knocked the living daylights out of him with my oh-so-serious-slash-drama queenish text. I said:

People ask me why I hang on to someone who gave me more pain than joy. I say I loved him and I love in spite of pain. Coz loving a person doesn't mean they should be yours. Loving is letting the person grow even if it means letting them go. And I'll be fine someday coz I knew I gave what I had to and I loved truly.

Hah! Beat that! That must've shut him up.

Oh well.


Ahh. It is V-day. I listened to Chico, Delamar & Brad's Heartbreak Special. Haha. Chico is just so funny. Sometimes he was so super-emote in introducing a song that he ends up being funny. They were all trying not to be their usual wacky, bubbly, perky selves. Brad's catch phrase: "Chico, you're such a loser!" Wahaha. And Chico's "Ahh, bullshoot."

I told them, "Can I just say, for the record ha, the background music in your V-day plug and your bed is just so sad it's suicide-inducing! Haha!" Oooh, Chico played my request, my heartbreak song -- The Day You Went Away by Wendy Matthews. Gaaah. I couldn't help but shed a tear or two when they played that.

Hey, does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind
I was only ever running back to your side
I never cried, I just watched my life go by
It's just a pack of lies, 'cause you're leaving me behind
Why, after this long is there nothing I'll keep
Oh, I can shout
you'll pretend you're falling asleep
I live a lie, yeah, believing that you're mine
It's just a waste of time 'cause you're leaving me behind

Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
It's as blue as your goodbye
and I thought that it would rain
on a day like today
Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
it's as blue as your blue goodbye
and I thought that it would rain
the day you went away

Hey, does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind
I was only ever running back to your side
Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
it's as blue as your goodbye
and I thought it would rain
on a day like today

Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
it's as blue as your blue goodbye
and I thought it would rain
the day you went away

~ The Day You Went Away, Wendy Matthews

Funny how they chose two winners among those sad storytellers that went on air. And the prize? This CD which is a compilation of break-up songs or somethin' like that. "To make you all the more sadder," said Brad. Wahaha. But hey, twas autographed by the three of them.

They ended their show with the signature song written and performed by Trina Belamide. Gaah. Such a nice song. They started playing this every Valentine's Day since I think, year 2001.

It's Valentine's Day again
Chocolates and roses, dinner by candelight
But not for everybody
There'll be three less roses given away tonight
'Coz Jimmy's girl got on a plane
He tried to stop her from leaving but tried in vain
And he'd hand her three roses now
But she lives so far away
To a lonely heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day again
Long-time lovers lighting the fire once more
But it's gonna be cold tonight
For someone whose lover walked right out the door
See, Anna's fighting back the tears
Broke up with her beau for nine long years
And she's throwing her dreams of walking down the aisle away
To a broken heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

Cruel, oh so cruel
Be with your lover and be glad
And if you're without a lover
Well, that's just too bad
Cruel, oh so cruel
No other day like this
Can make you long so much
For the one you miss

It's Valentine's Day again
Jay's got the flowers, but somehow it's not the same
Though he knows April's happy
'Coz all he can do is set them on her grave
It's been two years since she passed on
But somehow the pain still lingers on
And no other day can magnify it like this day
To a grieving heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

How do you say
Happy Valentine's Day

~ Happy Valentine's Day, Trina Belamide

Thursday, February 12, 2004


So as I said before, Maui was gonna be our guest for our office's dating game thingiemajig. She came with Mommy Rose Flaminiano of FLT Films, Mommy Rose's alalay and another one whom, later, I was surprised to find out was her mom pala. I wouldn't have guessed that she was Maui's mom.

So anyway, we were joking around early in the morning that I'll make singil na entrance fee sa work area namin coz the guys will surely want to come in our area when Maui arrives. Haha. So suddenly, everyone was nice to us! Haha.

Hanep. All the guys were ogling at her. She was wearing this red see-through lace top with spaghetti straps and a super mini (denim) skirt.

The dating game went great. It was so fun. A bit naughty on the side. The searchees were all married men -- our GM and some managers. And boy she picked the office heartthrob! Haha.

Here are some pictures...

L to R: Me, my boss, our account manager (whom we keep teasing coz she does look like Maui), Mommy Rose, Maui and our credit manager

Maui with the winner of the dating game

After the show, we all had late lunch at Gloria Maris. In fairness, Maui seems very nice. She didn't have any prima donna air or anything like that. She gamely posed for all the photo ops we had to go through while on the way out of the office. Aliw, when she saw my off-white hand bag, she exclaimed that she had exactly the same bag which she bought from Greenhills! Ah, nice to know that Maui Taylor still shops for nice stuff from the tiangge! And she gave this weird tip during the dating game when they were talking about thongs. She said that if you had to wear thongs for the entire day, you should wash first (down there) with Colgate, as in use it like soap. That was a sure-fire way to not smell, uhh, there. As in she swears by it. Strange but true.

She wears this cute baby pink retainers. Her hair color is nice. She had this golden bronze tan. She looks pretty in person. Petite as I was, I was still taller than her. Well, her boobs were so, uhmm, shall I say, surreal? But anyway, she was really quite amiable. No air at all. It's nice to know that big stars can still be like that.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

~*GAAAH! BLAH V-DAY ver. 2.0*~

So it's getting suckier and suckier by the minute. As usual, our office started celebrating V-day this Monday. Looking back, I headed the V-day Committee 2 years ago. I told my committee to wear something red. And I, in keeping with my tradition, still wore black that day BUT with a slim red belt and a strappy lil pair of red sandals. So technically, I was wearing SOMETHING red. *Snicker*Snicker*

So okay, going back to this year's V-day committee gimmicks. Well to start with, they're showing romantic movies this week every lunch time at the canteen. It's like a lil cozy drive-in movie, only this time, yer sittin down munchin your lunch. Yesterday they showed Sweet Home Alabama, today they showed Nottinghill. Ahhh, I loved Hugh Grant's British accent "Roight, roight (right, right)" and "whoopsiedaisies!". Such a wimpy character. Are all British dudes as wimpy as the characters he usually portrays? Hmm. Cute but, uhhh, really wimpy. They're showing Serendipity tomorrow. Ahhh. My dear eternally youthful John Cusack. On Fri, they'll show My Best Friend's Wedding. Gaah. I might cry over my lousy cafeteria food when I see that again! Well on Thurs they're skippin the movie coz we have this dating game thing. Haha. We were able to get Maui Taylor. Mommy Rose Flaminiano was kind enough to book her for us. And would you imagine, we ain't even paying her anything monetary. Just a Body Shop gift cheque and stuff. HA! As if she couldn't afford to buy that herself! Apparently, Atty. Flaminiano is handling Maui's case against Viva (that topless still photos of hers brouhaha....) that's why I think Mommy Rose can easily commit her to a gig. And of course, we've been quite lenient with FLT's payables anyway... Bianx is malakas kay Mommy Rose kya ayun... Ahh poor Bianx, she has to make hatid-sundo pa si Maui on Thurs and then she'll host pa the Dating Game. Hahah. Tama ba naman yun? Overused na talents nya! Kawawa naman!

Okay, so my rant... Gaaah! Yesterday around 3pm, they blasted these stupid old love songs over the PA system for a good 8 minutes or so. About three sordid songs. Gaaah. Like, they played one of those hackneyed King & Queen of Hearts types of songs. I think I even heard an Air Supply song or something. Anyway, so there I was making this report on my PC and lo & behold the stupid love songs fill the airwaves. The PA system's speaker is right above my work area. So I was like, "WTF?!" and then my kewl guy boss goes "WHAT is UP with THAT music?!". Hilarious in a mad way! Hahaha. So I went "Gaaah! Can they just stop?! Ano ba yan, wala ba silang consideration sa mga singles na malungkot? If their intention was to make us feel the Happy Valentine's Day, well it doesn't make me happy AT ALL!!! Gaaaah!" Well mysteriously (and thankfully!) today, they didn't blast the PA system with love songs. Maybe the bitchy singles staged a mad revolution to the committee. Wahaha.

Ooh, and then there's these tacky powerpoint slide shows they've been spamming our email inboxes with. There's this "Singles of Kodak" thingiemajig. And there we were... they scanned our pic from our resumes and business cards. They made a stupid collage with our stupid forlorn faces all over the slide show. Like "the Singles of Kodak" "Vote for your favorite singles of the day" or some revolting tag line like that. I'm praying everyday that my face won't be plastered on that Singles of the Day Winner powerpoint that they've been emailing since yesterday. Isn't that such a massive injustice? (Okay, I'm on OA mode now, forgive me! But indulge me, will yah!) Hello?! Can you please NOT point out that I am single AND unattached?! What the fudge is that all about, huh?! Unless the grand prize is a date with Brad Turvey or maybe Jay R, can you not include me in that ridiculous contest? NOT during V-day season! Call me that any other day, but NOT on V-day! >:P Gaaaaah.

Okay, so that was lil miss beeotchy me possesed by the anti-v-day cupid. Har-har.

Sunday, February 08, 2004


*Sob*Sob* Those of you who love movies that make 'em cry, this one's for you. I totally love the drama of this art film. It's got a well-written script... especially the narratives of the main character, Ann. My Life Without Me ("Mi Vida Sin Mi") stars his royal {Felicity} hotness, Scott Speedman. The lead character reminds me of the regal beauty of Gwyneth Paltrow and Uma Thurman.

The official site is a treat to surf. The macromedia flash which shows the same intro as that of the movie is so *gushes* cool.

*Sigh* I love it when Scott Speedman whispers as he talks. Oh so tender mush. Gaah. He's so, uhmm, dreamy. And in the movie, supposedly, here's how they first met: The last Nirvana concert before Kurt Cobain died -- He really didn't like Nirvana much so he was bored, was lookin around, and then he saw this girl (Ann) crying. He came up to her. He didn't have a tissue or a handkerchief so he took off his shirt and wiped her tears away. *Awww* And he was such a cute, patient father to their 2 daughters. And he was such a sweet hubby to her. Gaah. That scene where he just got home and he said all he wanted was a kiss... And then when she was off to work, he asked her to sing to him. And that scene when they were abt to sleep... how he said that Ann never complained, how she made him want to be a better man. Gaaaah.

Ahh. And now we go to that Lee character. One of Ann's goals (Things to Do Before I Die list) was to make a stranger fall in love with her and to sleep with another man just to know what it's like (She married Scott Speedman's character when she was 17. He was her first.) Yeah. Made me think like, What do you need to do that for? Scott Speedman is just soooo perfect! But oh, how she met that Lee dude is just so mushily cute. They met in a laundromat. Well, actually, he saw her first at the resto where she was writing down her Things to Do Before I Die list. So anyway, gaaah, that laundromat scene is one of my faves. He went out to buy her coffee and when he came back she was already asleep. And he just tucked her in with his jacket. He sat across her. He stared at her, he watched her sleep. And that dude had such soulful eyes. *Sigh* Ahh, such a powerful, dramatic, romantic scene for me. You can just feel his longing as he sits there silently. Gaaah. And oh how he cried in that scene when Scott Speedman picked up Ann. Ahh, men do cry when they're in love.

Ooh. I found another official site... Kewl. Another kick-ass flash site.

Haha. And then there's this eccentric hairdresser in braids who just absolutely adores Milli Vanilli. Her insights and parallelisms about Milli Vanilli were entertaining.

I swear, go buy the DVD if you see it over at Makati Cinema Square. Go buy !!! Go buy!!! Yeah, No to Piracy, but hey, where else can I get my artfilm DVDs anyway?! And plus, isn't it just a wee bit insane to buy a DVD at Php800+ when you can buy it for a measly Php80? Just as long as it's a real DVD copy and not a laser or tape copy, I am sold to the idea of buying el cheapo ones. It's a guilty pleasure, hehehe.

Twenty thumbs up! Well maybe I'm a bit biased coz Scott Speedman's in the movie. But hey, if you're the type who likes a good cry from the movies like me, you'll love this art film!

Ahh. Definitely makes My Treasured DVD list ;)

Saturday, February 07, 2004


I popped in the "The Way We Were" DVD this afternoon. I was so curious about why this movie was a classic coz Carrie Bradshaw and the rest of the SATC girls made a reference to it in one episode (I think in Season 3... when Big got married to Natasha). "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell." Gaaah. That scene made my heart ache like hell. And then the theme song's poignant notes float in the air. Gaaah. Kill me now, why don't you.

Another super tear-jearking scene was that part when Katy called up Hubbell, begging for him to come over coz she can't sleep, that she needed someone to talk to about those things, about someone they both knew, she said he was her best friend and it was so dumb how she was calling him up... I totally related to that scene. Like, isn't it sad that when you have so much pain in your heart, the only person you want to talk to who can stop your crying is exactly the same person who made you cry? Gaaah. *sob*sob*

And ooh, I just realized that Robert Redford is indeed once a hottie. It's a shame he's old and wrinkled like a sharpe now. He did look sorta Brad Pitt-ish... blonde hair, blue eyes, charming smile. He reminded me of Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black.

And oh, I love that Katy-crossing-the-street scene. "What are you celebrating?" Katie asks Hubbell who was drinking beer. "Getting you to cross the street," Hubbell replies.

And the break-up scene:

Hubbell: Look, Katy, I--
Katy: Oh God, please don't start a sentence with "look" -- it's always bad news.


Katy: Wouldn't it be lovely if we were old? We'd have survived all this. And everything would be easy and uncomplicated, the way it was when we were young.
Hubbell: Katy, it was never uncomplicated.
Katy: But it was lovely. Wasn't it?
Hubbell: Yes. It was lovely.

I love the film. It's so mushy, it really made me cry. Such heart-wrenching mush.

Memories light the corner of my mind.
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind,
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were.

Can it be that it was all so simple then,
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again,
Tell me, would we? Could we?

Memories may be beautiful and yet,
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget.
So it's the laughter
We will remember,
Whenever we remember
The way we were.

The way we were.

~ The Way We Were, Barbra Streisand

Gaaah. The Drama Queen is in tha houz.

I miss him. I miss him terribly that it's killing me. Do I ever cross his mind? Does he even think of how we kinda started around this same month last year? I do. I do remember... Every bit... Of the way WE were.

And in THAT moment I was happy. Happy. I Wish You Were Here. Ahh. The Incubus theme song. He made me euphoric and insanely happy. And at a certain point, I was so convinced that he was the one. The one who made all my suffering to finally make sense. And the moment he dragged the name of God in one of those conversations, I thought, Oh dear God, thank you for sending him to me. "In God's time, you'll fall in love for the right reasons, to the right person. When that time comes, that love will be worth the wait, the tears and the pain. Then you'll forget you ever cried."

There's something about
The look in your eyes
Something I noticed when
The light was just right
It reminded me twice
That I was alive
And it reminded me that
You're so worth the fight...

~ Echo, Incubus

But who would've known huh? Who would have known it would end up this way. When I was resting my head on his shoulders at the backseat of the car on the way home from the theater, how was I supposed to know it would end up this way?

Tried so hard...So hard to say goodbye. ~ She Will Be Loved, Maroon5

Some wounds are so deep there can be no immediate relief, no consolation; there may even be an ocean of grief extending in every direction and apparently endless. In some way, all suffering is in God. Thus, our pain is God's pain and that means in due time it will become life-giving and healing in the very measure of its intensity.

So when, God? When is my time? I am so tired of the hits and misses. So tired, God. So tired.

Why did he leave? I will never ever really know why unless I shake the daylights out of him. I thought I really understood back then, but then, not anymore. It would be nice if he could tell me what the f@#% really happened back there. But I resolved not to ever communicate with him. So there. But I fear I might break that resolution in a few days. I am so tempted to text him and ask what's up ... but what I would've wanted to say was I miss him terribly that it was killing me.

Maybe you'll soon
Forget about all
Or maybe you'll miss it like I do...

... I don't wanna write
I don't wanna call
I would not know what to say
It should be you
That's how I want it to be
Tell me you feel the same way

Oh yesterday
I was feeling safe
All I do today
is trying to be brave...

~ Tatooed on My Mind, D'Sound

Tuesday, February 03, 2004


*Wooohooo* I got mah Incubus gig tickets, baby!!!! Row 23, Premiere Right Side. Gaaahh. I wanna fast forward to March 12 already please!!!! Ooohlahlah Brandon Boyd heaven here I come! ;)

Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting...

~ Echo, Incubus

I remember my favorite Dilbert comic strip... Dilbert's, uhh, was that a pet cat? Oh anyway, that smart-ass character told Dilbert "The key to happiness is self-delusion. Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion."As pessimistic as it may seem, I sometimes abide by that. Blah.

*P.S. Ahh. Twas Dogbert who said it. Man I want that comic strip! I couldn't find it in the archives anymore :( *

Stupid random thought/fave joke: What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a shi tsu? BULLSH*T. Wahahah. ;P

*Ackkk.* I am not my usual self. I apologize.

Monday, February 02, 2004


It started with Tin's email. And just like that, the floodgates were opened. Gaaah. It's freakin' Feb. V-day sucks. Forgive me if I am in a beeeotchy mode. Must be....Out of necessity. Some sort of self-defense mechanism. Coz if I ain't Ms. Beeeotch, I'd be Ms. Drama Queen (which i'm really trying hard not to be coz I'm so freakin' tired of being one and I really promised myself that I would bravely go through this stint.)

Our egroups read:

From: Abbie Real
Date: Mon Feb 2, 2004 8:33 pm
Subject: Dahil Malapit Na Ang Valentines....


Valentine's? OH WELL! Because of an upcoming launch, I've been pretty distracted with V-Day kaya okay lang. I don't want to be cynical about it pero there's something inside me that wishes na wala ng V-Day. I mean, wala, as in NADA, like an ordinary day. I was at the mall yesterday and may mga V decors na. Ano ba yan?

As for you Aileen...IMO...your Akafella obsession is actually a welcome distraction from Mako and the whole Mako ordeal you have gone through. Okay lang yan, girl. At least may pinagkakalibangan ka.

I'm sure tayo lang dalawa ngayon sa Forces ang mag-bi-bitch about V Day. The rest are obviously IN LOVE. As for Charo...ano nga ba, sis? Hehe! Uyy! wrote:

Gaaah. I miss our girl talks =*( Abbie, I miss our TIB dayz! Wala na kong
instant lunch bonding =*(
Ewan ko ba, mag ddreaded V-day na kasi kaya I have this sickening feeling
that I'm sliding back to the *accckkk* missin' maco &
being-depressed-in-my-love life-in-general state

But then again maybe not. Must be because I've not been to an AKAfellas
gig lately. *teehee*

From: Abbie Real
Date: Mon Feb 2, 2004 12:16 am
Subject: Re: [Forces of Nature] can relate ka ba???

Hahaha! Natawa ako ha! NAKA-RELATE? OO naman!

Sometimes, you don't know if you are still capable of THE feeling. Tagal ko ng hindi kayo nakaka-chika and dami ko na din kwento. In the previous months na hindi ko kayo nakita I think I felt almost all the emotions associated with loving someone. From downright cynical to passionately, deeply and madly inlove. Haaay! At least I'm surviving!

I was in such a depressed mood today despite our Brothers Burger lunch out. On the way home, I was like swinging from bitchiness to uber-drama mode and back. Gaaaah. Friggin V-day sh*t. Awww, I miss Hero. Dang, I miss ITY. Ahhh. ITY, the benchmark of my ideal guy. But weird, I've been checkin' his friendster testimonials... he doesn't seem to be the same guy I knew back in college. He seemed to have lost something as he got hooked with the trappings of life in the states and his life now over umm, there. Oh well. And then there's this dude who reminds me of him. Aww. Long soulful talks. Yeah. I wish. I don't really know him well but based on his friendster testimonial (what a modern way to spy on people! ahaha.) he seems like a very sweet, smart guy who's really boyfriend material --not just boylet, mind you. Gaaah, he's sooo lambing to talk to. Oh good gawd I hope he ain't readin this.

Ahhh. February just sucks big time.>:P

That upcoming Jason Mraz gig should better cheer me up or else...

Sunday, February 01, 2004


Ahhh. I was so bored online that I decided to catch up with what's goin' on with my good ol' dear Rockwell Ryan. Man, I'm so happy for him... everything is starting to look really well for him... he's about to sign up with this manager who used to handle Jars of Clay. Kewlness. Gaaah, I miss him! I miss coming up to him & Dain during their numerous gigs here in Manila. Oh well, he did say he's gonna be back here sometime this year and tour with his band... Ahhh. I can't hardly wait!!! I miss hearing him sing & play guitar live onstage. Ooh, plus I have a digital cam now which can take unlimited videos. *Weee.* I wanna hear "Waited Too Long" again. Oh but then again NOT NOW. Not when the dreaded V-day is coming. *Acckkkk* Or I might start to be mushy & reminisce & curse & cry. Gaaaah. Not him again. Darn it. It HAS indeed been a year since... Oh f%@#. Must stop. Must stop. *starts singing Help Me Forget...*

Drat. Something is wrong with Rockwell's site. Page cannot be displayed. But hhhuwhyyy? :(

Well anywayz, for the curious and for pluggin' purposes, here's his site:

... and his MB that I've been so remiss posting on/visiting (guilty! way too much akafellas kasi eh!:P ):

*Yey* I have his personally signed CD # 450! Thanks to Yam whose online order at awarestore I "rode" with. Man , Rockwell is just sooo talented. He wrote ALL the lyrics & the music in his album, produced it & the old Stephen Speaks albums, he made Stephen Speaks to what it has been from Tulsa to Manila. I just pray that God will continue to bless him coz he reaaally deserves it. It's all been blood, sweat and tears for him... and look at how great things are comin' along for him now. *Woohoos for Rockwell...* Ahhh, Jamie Bond is just sooo lucky, lucky, lucky.

I will laugh, I will cry, I will close my eyes
Cause I know that it won't be long
Until we meet again.

Though I wish that I were with you now
I know there's a reason for space
I can dream of memories you're writing down
And I look forward to that day
And the smile on your face...

~ Leaving Song, Rockwell Ryan