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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

~* BORED OUTTA MY WITS (subtitle: ABOUT THE ONE and PDA'ing) *~

Okay, I am freakin' bored now. I have read everyone's blogs and the AKAfellas forum posts and logged on oh-so-slow Friendster and went on stalker mode. *wink, wink* Gaah, I miss huggy-wuggy Robi's hugz. Huhuhuhu. A dose of Robi's hugz a day keeps my blues away. Hayyy. I only get to listen to him when he's boarding over at Wave. Hay, I reaaaallllly miss the guy! I wish I had an older brother like him. Sooo lambing. Errmm, well yeah, I am actually older than him by 2 years but I feel like he's such a kuya to me.

Gaaah. I haven't been to an AKAfellas gig for a long time now. I can't even make it at the Podium gig this Fri coz I have a derma appointment. I hate this bleepin' hot summer! I am breaking out with zits again. Argghhhhh. Hate it, hate it, hate it.


I have mastered the art of eating small McDo fries with 3 sachets of ketchup while standing up and falling in line at the Park Square 2 terminal. Man, I luvvv heaps of tomato ketchup.


This is an absolutely senseless post. Thank you for bearing with me ;)


Okay, I am on senti/drama queen mode now. Let me emote to the max...


My officemate who just had a month-old devastating break-up said to me (out-of-the-blue): "Uy, ipagdasal mo ko ha..." I asked why. She said she just feels sooo down, she like kinda blames herself at how stupid she was to fall for the guy who wasn't really committed to marrying her. I told her that she shouldn't dwell on it; let go; and don't blame herself for what happened. And then she says: "Hay buti ka nga nka-get over na dun sa guy na yun eh" (she was talking about The Guy Who Just Went Away Suddenly/The Guy Who Broke My Heart the Baddest. I actually started this blog to vent out my heartaches last year. If you want to know my entire tragic drama queen story, you just have to read my archives.) I replied: " Hindi rin noh. Nagpapatawa lang ako pero hindi pa ko over him." Yeah. Heartbreaks are really sad. Ho-hum. Oh but life must go on. The world does not stop for my grief. I just keep going by distracting myself, diverting my attention and really trying to find ways to be happy. I wish I could say I am genuinely happy but I am not. "The key to happiness is self-delusion," said Dogbert (Dilbert comic strip) so there... I distract myself with things like my beloved fellas and akakadas and web designing. I put my passion in something else/someone else. Distractions are welcomed comforts. And I keep singing to myself: "Even if there is pain now, everything will be alright..." Oh and then I have this stupid infatuation thing that has boomed from a tiny lil minor crush back in Dec 2003.

I am eternally afraid that there may not be anyone out there for me. Like, maybe I was tragically destined to be the Queen of Unrequited Love??? It terrifies me to think that THE ONE will never ever come along at all. I fervently wish that HE is THE ONE because I can see God's beauty in him. Seems to me that he's got almost everything that I'm looking for in a guy. Take note, SEEMS. Coz I don't really know him well... but then, I'm on stalker mode on his Friendster. He reminds me of my Greatest Crush back in college. That Greatest Crush dude has everything I want. He was my "benchmark" for my crushes who came after him. He will forever be my greatest crush... The One I Never Got.

Let's see. It's been almost a year since my tragic heartbreak. I really thought that that guy was THE ONE, but I was wrong. I am too freaked out to be involved in a guy again but at the same time, I really wish I am. I want my first and last call of the day. I've been praying for a long time for God to send me THE ONE. The one who will make all my tears and pain worth it. The one who will make me not be afraid to fall in love again. The one with whom I will feel totally comfortable with. The one who will love the crescent moon on starry starry nights like I do. The one who will love to simply just talk and bond about anything under the sun. The one whose warm embrace will make me feel protected from this damn cruel world. The one who will eat food in my plate that I don't eat and who'll gladly share his red/green bell peppers to me when we eat curry or anything with bell peppers just simply because he knows I luv 'em. The one who will promise to hold my hand forever. The one who will be the other half of my soul that will make me inexplicably complete. The one who will stop my searching. The one whose hands fit perfectly with mine. The one who will never ever break my heart. The one who will make me genuinely happy... blissfully ecstatic... and unfathomably euphoric for the rest of my life.

Gaaah. I am so tired God, so tired that I sometimes don't believe in love anymore. That sometimes I just wanna bitch-slap those PDA'ing couples who totally have no breeding whatsoever to actually know that PDA is abhorring. Especially when they are sitting right across me in my shuttle back home which lasts for about an hour or so. And they don't feel the evil stare I was giving them because they are just sooo all over each other that it makes me wanna throw up or maybe bang their heads together permanently since they keep smooching every other second anyway.

Whew. It was nice to vent.

Thank you for patronizing my beeotchy blog.


This is an actual conversation between my two crazy colleagues... funny!

Vic: Uy, ano bang magandang movie ngayon?

Bianx: Hmm, The Passion of the Christ!

Vic: Ok ba yun? Humahataw ba (sa box office)?


*teehee* Bianx is really a funny funny gal. She just makes me smile. She's like an eternal sunshine in the office. Winner humirit!

Tuesday, March 30, 2004


12. You make me wish I'm a smoker. Baaaad!

11. I sneak glances at you from the corner of my eye.

10. I am on stalker mode when I check out your Friendster profile.

9. I secretly wish I'd bump into you when I am going to, uhhh, places...

8. You give me an upset stomach when I mull over you.

7. You make my heart do multiple flip-flops.

6. You make me want to hug you. Or rest my head on your shoulder. Or just simply hold your hand.

5. I can hardly look you straight in the eyes when we talk.

4. I hurriedly walk past you.

3. When I enter a room, for some weird reason, my eyes automatically set on you wherever the hell you are seated. And it freaks me out when our eyes actually meet so I quickly look away. Gaaaah.

2. I rarely initiate conversation with you coz I am too freaked out by your presence.

and the top sign?....

1. You make me melt inside when you make these little lambing gestures like touching my arm or somethin'. And you render me temporarily brain-dead right after that.

Gaaah. Stupid, stupid love.

~* YEY! *~

This morning I discussed my pay adjustment with my boss. Yey! I just got promoted! If I didn't air my sentiments last appraisal period about me already doing loads of marketing duties, I think they wouldn't have bothered to promote me. But since I mustered enough guts to question my job title vis-a-vis my actual duties and responsibilities, they decided na to promote me. Oooh. Sometimes all it takes is for me to speak up so things can actually happen. Hayyy. Damn friggin' taxes... sana maramdaman ko pa rin yung pay increase ko pag compute ng income after tax deduction!

Sunday, March 28, 2004


'Came from Aga & Jovan's wedding. Twas wonderful from the church rites (Christ the King, QC) to the reception (Shangri-La, Makati). Oooh, they were soooo cute to watch! Kakakilig! It's so nice to see them getting married especially since both of them have been my friends since college.

The bridal procession was to the tune of Nyoy's "You're my You". The first few lines pa lang... "Every Romeo has its Juliet..." I had goosebumps na! Aga looked very elegant in her wedding gown. Jovan was dashing in his suit.

I did the first reading. Gaah. Buti na lang di ako na "P" and "F" syndrome! But the photographer whose zoom lens was right smack at my face kinda distracted me while I read. I almost lost my concentration coz super click to the max nya yung naririnig ko in front of me. Gaah.

They showed the photographs they took from the church ceremony at the reception. Everything was elegantly captured. Beautiful! Aga: My fave solo shot of yours was that one inside the bridal car. And then, fave shot of you & Jovan, the close-up shot wherein you guys were like looking back at the photographer. 'Cute nyo dun ni Jovan!

The "surprise" video we did was aired during dinner, right after the footage of Aga & Jovan who narrated their love story. Hehehe, the newly-married couple was pleasantly surprised! The video turned out great, it was edited well. I enjoyed watching the part with the "Friends" theme song wherein we did crazy poses ala stop-motion camera effect. Kengkoy talaga!

Hey Aga, southern gal ka naaaa! Let's meet up minsan sa ATC ha?! Hey I'll give you pa the CD of the bridal shower pix (I also promised Marissa her copy too...). Hey patingin rin ng wedding album nyo when it's done! May electronic copy ba ng pix? Pa-email ng shot natin nila Jovan, Rose, She, Annray and Cheng ha?! Thanks!

Wow! My friends are married na! Wow talaga! To Aga & Jovan, I wish you guys all the best! I know you guys will have such a wonderful, blessed married life! Oh Aga, have you read na the book we gave you? Bilis!!! Gawa na kyo ng bouncing babies!!! ;) Isang mini-Jovs at isang mini-Aga! ;) I luuuuv you guys! *hugz*hugz* Congratulations!!!

Here are our pictures... Twas nice to see AnnRay and She again! Finally, Aga, Rose, She, Ann and I were together in one room again! I miss my gal pals so much! Arle, Marissa, Cheng and Butch also posed with us...

Friday, March 26, 2004


I was home early the other day and managed to finally catch this "Wazzup, Wazzup" show in Studio 23 wherein the AKAfellas sang the show's theme song. I was pretty much curious as to how the song goes so I watched it. Gaaah, can I just say that the show is such pure crap?! Hayyy, that show will be axed in a short while. It totally sucks, man! There are only two nice things I can say about it: 1) The AKAfellas sang the show's jingle, so hey, anything AKAfellas is nice to me *teehee*; 2) that "Pare" dude... Drew (?), the "Sandigan ng Kagwapuhan", as he says so himself, is such a cutie. That's about it. It was agonizing to watch the stupid show. I was commenting na walang ka kwenta-kwenta the show and my dad says, "Eh ba't mo pinapanood?" Hehe. So I said, "Eh kasi AKAfellas yung kumanta nung jingle nung show! Inaabangan ko lang." Hay, I wonder who thought up such a lame, super-corny show?! Lame, lame, lame.


'K, now here's a plug for DJ Myke:

Pls vote for DJ MYKE (yeah, he's the beatboxer of the AKAfellas...) in the Mossimo Bikini Summit 2003.

Here's the direct link to the voting page:

Just click on the "VOTE" button and a pop-up window will appear. You just have to choose his name -- He's candidate #1 - MIKE SALOMON.

Goooo peeps! Let's support Myke on this one! :)


Date: Mar 25, 2004 05:31 AM
Body: ey PEEPS!! im candidate 1 for this year's
mossimo bikini summit in boracay on april 17
2004! ther's an online voting in

pls vote for me tnx!!!!!

Wednesday, March 24, 2004


Hmmm. Haven't been online much this past week. It's coz two Mondays ago, I woke up feeling nauseous. No joke, my head was spinning as I stood up from the bed. I was thinking that I had been having too many late nights around that time (i.e. being online forever til like 1am and then waking up at 5:30am for work, then, staying up late for the Incubus gig, then waking up early to go to Aga's bridal shower and then staying up late and then waking up early the next day... yeah, you pretty much get the drift...) So I thought I might be anemic na or maybe I just need more sleep. So there. Slept early every night. Controlled myself and didn't go online during weeknights. Well it kinda worked. I didn't feel nauseous anymore. Oh plus, it's Salary Increase-approval time... kelangang magpaganda sa boss! I've been coming to work 9ish lately (our official time is 8am! Although flexi-time naman... but still...) so I decided to quit being late and come to work on time for a change!

I missed out on so much stuff on the AKAfellas forum! I was like whoa, it's green now! (Nice, nice, nice Lucy-girl!) And it has a nice Akafellas logo (which was made by Robi daw accdg. to Lucy...)


Weee. I'm excited about getting a new phone! The company's changing our handsets now. On impulse, I wanted to get the Nokia 6600. I actually decided that I will definitely upgrade (which would mean I'd have to pay the difference in the cost) coz the model that would come in free for me is that helluva nokia 1100 or somethin. What the heck would I do with a flash light fone thing which looks like a laundry bar? Gaaah. It's sooo not stylish at all. Since I didn't touch most of my bonus money, I decided to kinda splurge on this fone thing. I was originally about to buy myself a DVD-ROM (so I won't have to watch DVD in my parent's room), a new ass-kicking scanner to replace my stupid malfunctioning Genius scanner and more memory for my mp3s and movs. And I also wanted to buy a Kenneth Cole Reaction watch. Oh but these are all out the window... I'm willing to splurge on my mobile fone this time. But I was thinking... I was most definitely gonna shell out something like 15 to 20 grand for the upgrade... the 6600 is quite expensive... and for 20 grand, there's not even an FM radio! Good lord! I don't need the freakin' high-tech camera and video capture anyway coz I already have a digicam which offers way better resolution. I'm okay with basic camera and video features. No need for the whole shebang. I'm such a music person that all that's important to me is the tones. I wanted the music features of the 3300 but it's such an old model and it looks quite weird to me. So anyway, the model that I super want is the Nokia 6230 which is not yet out in the market. The Nokia peeps say it'll be launched this Q2. It's got FM radio and mp3 and I can personalize my ringtone with that mp3 feature. And then jpegs for wallpaper. There. That's all I want in a phone. And the 6230 perfectly fits my needs. Hmmm. Haven't heard from Purchasing though, as to how much I have to shell out, if I can wait up for it and when it will actually be available. Gaaah. I'm so freakin' excited already. C'mon Nokia and Globe, ship it in already!!!


I was watching the news while I was eating dinner. These baranggay tanods were chasing this "suspected" call boy. When they caught up with him, the call boy says:"Eh pano naman ako di tatakbo, eh tinatawag nyo ko eh (presumably when he was asked why he ran... fleeing=guilty). Wow, anlabo mo dude! Pag ikaw ba tinatawag ka, edi lalapit ka diba and hindi ka tatakbo?! Hay, what a lame excuse. Crazy dude!


I remembered this funny vignette when I saw Dominic Ochoa asking these Star Search (?) kids some questions. The kids had such funny answers. So anyway, one time, we were in the car with my nephew and over the radio there was this news about a landslide in Visayas. So I was testing the knowledge of my 8 yr old pamangkin... I asked him: "Bakit ba nagkakaroon ng landslide?" He answers: "Pag may erosion." "Eh bakit may erosion?" I asked again. He replied oh-so-seriously: "Eh kasi pag may nag yoooodelaheehoo dun..." I was laughing so hard when I heard that! He was probably watching too much cartoons. Yooodelaheehoo daw. Ahahahahaha! Kids talaga! That story always makes me smile when I remember it.


Teehee. I opened my Friendster the other day and there's this guy who message'd me and asked if I happen to teach Adobo Photoshop. He saw my profile pics daw kasi and was asking how I did those. Me? Teach Adobe Photoshop?! I said I just self-studied Photoshop actually but I kidded him that I'd be happy to make him a profile pic for a fee. Haha. I'd be happy with a P500 GC from Tower Records. *teehee*


I was shopping for strapless brassiere and I wanted to get this Wacoal strapless bra that you could actually wear under a see-through blouse or something. But good gawd, it's like freakin' P1,200! WTF is that all about?! I can already buy a basic tee from Mango with that amount! And helloooo, as if I was blessed with abundant precious boobies that would "maximize" all that pesos worth of pads, silk and lycra (uhmm, is that what it's made of? oh anyway, it's beside the point...) I can take 7ish, 8ish or even 9ish hundred. I have bought Wacoals that cost that much. But one thousand freakin plus pesos?!? Quite insane when you don't even have much boobs anyway! So well anyway, I settled for Triumph. I shall purchase that coveted Wacoal when my colleagues go to Bangkok. Wacoal is so cheap there daw. I'll just wait for that.


I am part of the office's Health & Safety committee. So we were checking fire alarms, fire exits and stuff this morning. And then people emailed their comments/findings about the inspection. I read this hilariously-worded (but true) comment: The fire alarm does not sound alarming at all. Teehee. Funny but true! The alarm sounded faint in some areas of the office. And it was not this shrill, urgent-sounding alarm... twas more like "Woohoo it's recess time" kind of alarm. So yeah. It was not really that alarming at all nga naman!


Gaaah. I officially have a crush from, uhhh, somewhere! Haha. Last time I checked his Friendster, he uploaded his Jose Rizal-ish-looking formal pic. Wahaha. Oh good gawd he's dark-skinned (just like ITY)! Man, am I back to liking tanned dudes now? Hmmm. I dunno if he reads my blog. Probably not. Guys are not into blogging anyway. But anyway, just in case he's not a typical guy, I shall speak in somewhat general terms when I talk about him here. Yuck, baduy. Stupid love. Gaaah. But I'm liking every minute of it. Hmmm. When you're infatuated, proximity is good. And oh I likey-likey the lil touchy-tochies. Hmmm. Sugar-rush. Hay, he's so lambing. Oh but he misspelled a cappella in his profile. Oooh, I am sooo itching to correct it! But *sob*sob* he's "in a relationship". Dang. I thought they broke up already. Oh well. A crush is still a crush anyway. Ahhh. This should be fun! One of these days I'll blog my quasi-analysis of him based on the modern stalker's tool... Friendster! Too bad he's not on myspace. I am probably freaking you out now with my weird plan so I am gonna stop now and blog some other time.

Sunday, March 14, 2004


Rose and I went to oh-so-far-away Binondo at Marissa's house yesterday for Aga's surprise bridal shower. Earlier, our college guy friends hung out for a while. (They left with the groom-to-be for their stag party). Gosh, I sooo miss college life! I miss MonTy's asars. The guys were my group mates in most of our projects. Candz, Tuesday, Kring and Aga's mom and aunties were also there. Gaah. We did not have a macho dancer although Felix (Marissa's younger bro) was more than willing to dance. Ahahahah!

We had a contest on bridal gowns made of tissue papers. I ended up looking like a bride who was "on the way" coz my tummy was bulging. Wahahah. I told them to put more tissue on my chest area so that I won't end up having a tummy which was bigger than my boobs. Ahahaha. We had charades wherein Aga acted out everything. Wow, I can't believe I was able to guess words like "69" and "vibrator". *Teehee* 'Just goes to show how UNinnocent I was! Last game was "Make the Perfect D*ck". My team mate and I were both virgins (the others have married aunts as team mate) so we ended up with a mushroom-looking d*ck. After all, our knowledge were all theoretical! Our "Virgin's D*ck" won "The Worst-Looking D*ck". Hahaha.

We gave Aga a book as a gift. "How to be a Great Lover" by John Gray (the author of the Mars and Venus series). I remember hunting for Aga's gift... I first went to National Bookstore to look for "Sex for Dummies" that my officemate suggested for me to buy. I was too shy to ask the salesladies like "Miss, where are your copies of Sex for Dummies?" Gaah. That'd be hilarious and embarrassing at the same time. So I went through all the rows of shelves to look for it. But alas, I couldn't find it. I proceeded at Powerbooks in Tower Records Glorietta and met up with Rose there. A lot of interesting books were there: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Seduction, The Big "O", Kama Sutra Illustrated.... Very entertaining! I was gonna buy the 'Guide to Seduction if only it weren't a tattered and soiled (last) copy. Dang, I think I need that book! Hahaha.

So anyway... Here are our crazy snapshots:

Saturday, March 13, 2004


To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you?

~ I Miss You, Incubus

Okay. Here's the kwento...

I could hardly sleep last Thursday. By Friday morning, I was floating and spaced out at work. Both Charo and I had upset stomachs earlier in the day -- I surmise it's out of our extreme, unfathomable excitement over the Incubus gig that was about to happen later that night. Hahaha.

I had already thought up an intricate plan on how to puslit my digicam inside the venue. I had a total of 3 cams in my bag. An advantix which is my "dummy cam" for surrendering to the gate guards. Then my 3MP, 3X optical zoom digicam (the one I usually bring in the Akafellas gigs) "hidden" inside my kikay kit. And finally, the ultimate kick-ass gadget, the 4MP 10X OPTICAL zoom *woohoo* perfect for zooming in on Brandon Boyd's abs. I buried it at the bottom of my backpack.

At the premiere ticket-holders' entrance, they didn't want to let us in unless I left the Advantix cam outside the venue. I said we didn't have a car, we rode a cab. What do you want me to do, leave my camera on the sidewalk? Well they said there was a depository on the other gate so we proceeded there. In total, we had to go through 4 different bag inspections that night. I sorta volunteered info that I have a camera (the advantix) and I kept asking where I should deposit it. The dude was almost gonna see my digicam inside my kikay kit. He opened it and he asked "Ano 'to?" I said in an oh-so-innocent voice "Kikay kit po." I sorta wrapped my digicam in tissue paper so thank God he did not make super bulatlat my stuff. The 10X zoom cam was wrapped twice in a plastic bag. He did not bother to check what was in it. Well anyway, in the final bag inspection we had to go through, they just made me leave my bottled water. My Advantix seemed totally non-threatening, soooo analog and low-tech that they said it was OK for me to bring it in. Haha. I was cheering deep inside. *evil grin* *i took vids and pics!*

Incubus went onstage by 9ish pm. They didn't even have a front act. No need though. The 2K ticket area was fairly peaceful. I was amongst tweetums conio kids so it was not scary at all. And to think my boss was scared that there'd be a stampede! Stargazing: Angel Aquino with a young college-looking guy whom I conclude is her boyfriend (but I could've sworn they said she was a lesbian!), Ryan Eigenman and gf, Mark Escueta (drummer) and this other dude from Rivermaya with their respective gfs.

Opening song: Megalomaniac. They also sang Wish You Were Here, Here in My Room, Certain Shade of Green, Drive, Talk Show on Mute, Clean, Consequence... Grrr, they did not perform Stellar, Echo and I Miss You. Last three songs were Are You In?, *another one I can't remember* and Pardon Me.

Some time after 30 mins. or so, Brandon Boyd took off his shirt and revealed his oh-so-deeeleeeesh bod. Gaaah. *drool*scream*shriek*faint* His legendary flat abs are still there. *sigh* All the ladies were in throes of ecstacy *wink,wink* And he made his trademark funky sways/dance moves. He closed his eyes while singing. Ooohlala.*screams some more* Haha. I vividly remember his voice saying "SALAH-mat!" (wrong but cute accent). And he called the audience "boys and girls" Hahaha. He said somebody threw an empty wallet at the stage. A wallet which didn't have any identification but had something like 50 cents in it.

Brandon Boyd sang, played the guitar, the djembe and those tiny shake-shake egg thingies. That new bassist... Ben Kenney had a solo... he was the birthday boy of the night. Mike Einziger... all I can remember is his big blonde curly hair. DJ Kilmore, I didn't get a good look at him. Adorable Jose Pasillas was quite far up on the left side and was sorta buried in his drum set so I didn't get to see how chubby he was.

Gaah. I think Brandon threw the white towel he was wearing/holding to the lucky peeps in front. Ben threw some posters, I think.

The show ended at 11ish pm. My black soft leather Prestos had turned gray from all the dust/dirt at CCP grounds. My arms ached from videoing and taking pics with my hands up in the air, way above the sea of flailing/thrusting arms. Oh but it was all worth it. I have deeeleeeshuz shots of Brandon. Ooohlahlah.

*still in Brandon Boyd heaven up to now*


Woooohooo! Last night was pure bliss! Gaaaah. Brandon Boyd is a god. I'll blog my narratives later when I have more time. But for now, here are the yummy pics of His Royal Hotness, Brandon Boyd (vocals, Incubus). *triple sigh* Gaaaaah....

Oh-so-close shots...*bliss*

Yummiest abs in the planet...*drool*

Me and my friend Charo...*on a high*

Kwentos later.... ;) *floating in 7th heaven*

Thursday, March 11, 2004


Incubus is here naaaaaaaa!!!!!!! *shrieks* *screams* *gushes* *sighs* I will breathe the same air that Brandon Boyd is breathing. Ahhhhhhh. His Royal HOTNESS is here. Stellar. Something infinitely interesting. Gaaah. I haven't seen their arrival coverages though. I'm not sure if Brandon's wearing his dirty/scruffy look. DON'T ever conclude that he is NOT hot when you see him this way. He is so freakin' hot, I swear. If he's wearing his clean look, I swear I'll faint. Gaaaaah. Ahhh. And his breathy, whispery vocals in Incubus love songs (refer to Stellar, Echo, I Miss You, Wish You Were Here and Here in my Room). Ahhhh. Pure bliss. And his angsty screams in their angry songs (refer to Megalomaniac and Nice to Know You). Ahhhh. Oh so pulse-racing. Gaaaaaah. And his funky dancey moves while he sings (refer to the "Are You In?" video). *Triple sigh* Oh-so-sexy.

There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something, someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing

Could you show me dear...something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting.

~ Echo, Incubus


Enough said.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004


Gaaaah. I just luuurrrrve that 6CycleMind song. I rarely like Tagalog songs but this one just rocks my boat. Maybe it's coz I can relate to the song's sad lyrics... (Abbie, this is my Maco song! Argggggghhhh!!! %@#$!) I bought Permission to Shine solely because the poignant acoustic version of Biglaan is there.

Nandito, naka-ukit pa rin sa puso ko
Nang sabihin mong 'wag na lang
Nandito, nakatatak pa rin sa isip ko
Kung paano mo tinalikuran ang lahat

Kay bilis
Ba't umalis

Nabigla nang
'Di ko man lamang nalaman na mawawala
Nabigla nang
'Di mo man lamang naisip na idahan-dahan
'Di ako sanay sa biglaan
Unti-unti na lang sanang nawala

Hindi ba natin kayang magkunwari
At sabihing sige na lang
Hindi ba natin kayang dayain
Ang mga yakap sa tuwing lumalamig

'Di ako sanay sa biglaan
Unti-unti na lang sanang nawala

'Di ko man lamang nalaman na mawawala
Nabigla nang
'Di mo man lamang naisip na idahan-dahan

~ Biglaan, 6CycleMind

Gaaaah. It's such a killer song. Bullseye. *ouch*

The mood has become increasingly depressing and I'm beginning to be overly-contemplative about my future. What with Aga & Jovan's upcoming wedding, Vic's break-up, her rants about relationships, finding THE One and marriage. I can't help but think about, hrmmff, these kind of things.

I wonder if I have (already) stupidly let THE One get away. Gaaah. It would be such a sad thought to be wistfully thinking of "the one that got away". What if God had already given/is giving me my second (and third... and fourth...) chance and it is actually staring at me right on my face and then I am actually shoving it away? Wouldn't that be tragic?

What does it mean when someone keeps coming back into your life (sometimes at such an opportune time you swear you think he must be heaven-sent but then again not). What if it is actually God's hand who is bringing him back to me? But the thing is, I am not completely sold to the idea and at the back of my mind I keep thinking, "What if I wait up some more? What if this one is not THE One and THE One is actually just a few days sleep and a coupla breaths away?" Freakin' complicated. Fudge, fudge, fudge.

Now why is it that T2 keeps coming back? Why, why, why???? And why is it that the one whom I actually want to come back doesn't? I am stupidly, naively waiting but I don't think he'll ever be back. I just hope that one day, when he turns around and looks for me, I am already happy with someone else. I want him to feel the consuming, exhausting, spirit-draining pain and heartache that I have been feeling since the day he went away. I may have some episodes of euphoric happiness because of them but then again it's still sporadic compared to the drama queen life that I am quietly living inside my mind.

When you're around someone <5 times a week, 8 hours a day> who is ranting about disappointing relationship(s), the one that got away, shattered dreams of getting married, fear of not EVER finding THE One (or if ever, finding THE One but at such a late, hopeless age) I'm sure you'd tend to think in the same wavelength as I am now. I'm turning 26 this year. She' just turned 30. She says I'm still young and I need not worry. But hey, she gave me a good scare! Gaaaah.

At this point, I am sick and tired of subscribing to the theory of true, endless love. It's sheer bullcrap for me now. But I am hoping that one day soon I will swallow what I've just said now coz by then, I will be (almost) insanely happy and in absolute pure bliss holding hands with the one I waited for all my life -- the one who will make all this sh*t I'm going through well worth it... and in that moment, all these words that I write will finally make perfect sense.


Even if there is pain now
Everything will be alright
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me?
There's a rainbow always
After the rain.

~ Rainbow, South Border

Saturday, March 06, 2004


So it turned out that the album launch at Dish was actually for the press peeps. I realized this when I saw an MTV crew a bit ahead of me on the escalator.

I ALMOST wasn't gonna be there at all (something seems grammatically wrong here but I can't think of grammar-check anymore... for pete's sake, it's 3AM now!). I was close to barfing at LukYuen when I went there to have some soup coz I was really uber-nauseous na. I just wasted a hundred bucks coz I hardly touched the beef brisket noodle thing I ordered. I was trying to call Charo already and was gonna tell her that I was going home na lang but then I couldn't reach her coz she's still in the batcave of St. Luke's *teehee* where there was no cell signal. Well I didn't wanna "abandon" her and have her go home by herself. After all, she said the day before that she was not gonna go to Dish if I didn't go. Well I did not want her to miss it just because I was too lazy to go (it was on a Thursday and I felt I'd be too tired for work the next day so I was gonna skip that gig sana...). So it was 7:30 pm already. I was still in LukYuen Glorietta feeling like I was gonna faint or barf any moment. Reservations at Dish was good only til 7:45pm so I told Tere and Glenda to take na my reserved table. Thoughts were racing in my nauseous mind: if I went to Dish feeling sick like that, I might just throw up there and it would really be embarrassing! ewwww! Or if I managed to hold it all up, I was thinking I might throw up in Tere's car which would really be nakakahiya dba! I'd mess up her SUV! Gaaah. So anyway, since I couldn't reach Charo to call the whole thing off, I bravely decided to still go to Power Plant. But I passed by Starbucks 6750 first to get myself a Tazo Hot Tea and a slice of banana cake ( I was still very hungry but I couldn't eat much at all coz I was afraid I'd just barf it out).

So I arrived at Dish and I saw Tere, Teena, Glenda and June there. Rommel and Ienne arrived in a short while. Tere was so thoughtful/sweet and lived up to her AKAdoctor title.... she handed me some Plasil and Bonamine. (*mwah Tere!*) I was touched by how sweet Ikey was... before the show, he came up to our table and beso'ed each of us. Awww, how sweet naman. Charo and her friends from St. Luke (the guy had the hots for Robi. *teehee*) arrived around 9ish.

I didn't take much pics when they were performing coz my hands were trembling and a couple of my pics were already blurry from camera shake. So I took vids, vids and more vids instead! It was refreshing to hear them sing September. (Alleluia, a new song in their repertoire at last!!!) Oh by the way, while people were waiting for the show to start, we all got OD'd by the Bongga Ka Day audio and video. "HALA!" was swimming in my dizzy mind...

And whoa. Myke was actually shirtless under his denim jacket. We had a sneak peek of his ripped pandesals! Super pang Mossimo bikini contest na talaga his look. *teehee* While they were performing, I told June "June, can you shout "SKIN" for me please?!" since I was still feeling nauseous that time (They were shouting "skin, skin!" as in show some skin to myke. hahaha) Oh and his hair was super flat. Haha, when he was looking at all the pics in my cam (Wow, ang daming picture ah!), I told him "Ang ganda ng hair natin ngayon ah... flat na flat!". So anyway, he was asking me about my digicam, the price, discounts, etc. When I told him the price of my cam, he asked "May mas bano pa ba dito?" Hahah. I recommended the CX6200 to him. I told him that it was just P7,900. Aba, humihingi ng discount! P5000 or P6000 na lang ba daw? Wehehe. I gave him my business card na lang in case he really wanted to make pabili through me. Same with Robi. He was asking if I could get him a discount on the cams so I gave him my business card too. Gaaah. Too bad it's not within my powers to give them like 50% off. Hahaha. Too bad.

I had two cups of Tazo hot tea then but I still wasn't feeling dandy at all. The medicine was not yet taking effect on me.

The fellas had their signing by the entrance of Dish. Took a lot of pics especially since Reubs (and even Robi and Ikey) was telling us to take pictures of them in those weird/kooky/"emote to the max" poses. Hmm, I realized si Karl is also tipid mag smile. And oh, for the record, I liked Paulo Nav's outfit that day. He looked really spiffy with that blue-colored ensemble... I told him I loved his tie. Winner!

June and Rommel was asking me once in a while if I was already feeling better. I said I needed three things so I would feel better. Oh but I only had 1 out of 3. Had my dose of hug from huggy-wuggy Robi. *YEY* The other two "cures" are, uhmm, quite unachieveable *teehee*. And I might get harrassment cases from the 2 so nevermind....

After the gig, we hung out in Starbucks. Had my THIRD cup of Tazo Hot Tea there. There was no need to explain why I kept going in the restroom to pee. Haha.

Tere had offered us a ride the night before, so there. Charo and I (and Rommel) hitched with Tere on the way home. Thanks AKAdoctor Tere!

Twas really a fun night despite the fact that I wasn't feeling well. Oooh, and there's one more thing that made me grateful that I didn't skip that gig. Oh thank God I didn't skip that gig!

Ok. I'll sleep now. It's almost 4am. Gaaaah.