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Monday, April 25, 2005


before & after: pic from last Apr 19 and a pic taken just this afternoon

Since I am still on vacation leave today (yey!) , I took the chance to finally go to the salon. I've been putting off my haircut and fixing my hair color for the longest time since I kept going to the beach almost every other weekend. It would be such a waste if I had my hair done prior to those family outings at the beach.

I've been tying my hair most of the time the past few weeks since a) it was too long and it's too hot; b) it has a mind of it's own and flies away in every which way possible; c) it has been bleached by the summer sun to a shocking shade of orangey/reddish/light brown and d) my black roots were already showing.

So I made a 10AM appointment with my fave hairdresser and had my hair cut and dyed back to a less shocking color (dark brown). I look perfectly human now. No more anime-colored hair! :P

Sunday, April 24, 2005


I have fulfilled another item in my Things To Do Before I Shrivel & Die list! *whoopie!* I went parasailing at Subic Bay last Friday, April 22 around 4PM. It was a 15-minute ride up in the sky! My nephew and my bro-in-law accompanied me to be my official videographer ;-) At first, when the crew was "reeling" me off upwards, I was kinda scared... I was screaming as I was going farther and farther away from the speedboat where my parachute was tied to. But once you're up there... wow! The view from the top was absolutely breathtaking! The entire Subic landscape on one side and the setting sun on the other. Below are these little birds (seagulls???) flying above the deep blue water. It felt so serene and exhilarating up there that I was so tempted to make ala Leonardo di Caprio in Titanic and do the "I-am-the-king-of-the-world" scream... But then again I did not dare let go of my tight grip on the harness! It was slightly alarming though when I would hear the ropes creak as it shifted with the wind. It's quite scary too when you look directly below you -- nothing but deep blue water! Paranoid thoughts like: "what if the rope broke loose?", "what if my saddle & harness got unhooked from the parachute?", "shucks! will I drown (despite of the lifevest I'm wearing) if I plummet into the deep blue sea?" crossed my mind. But then, once I looked above me, the rainbow-colored parachute billowing against the wind, I thought: "this soooo kicks ass!!!"

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Here are the other pictures from our family vacation (in celebration of my Dad's birthday and my parents' anniversary)...

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at Camayan Beach, Subic Bay

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at Subic Park View Hotel... me and my nephew going crazy with the digicam :P

Thursday, April 21, 2005


And so it is just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
most of the time.
And so it is, the shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky...

~ The Blower's Daughter, Damien Rice


It was like a thorn off my side. I am glad we finally had an honest talk. He has grown up and he had such heartfelt, comforting things to say to me. And I have accepted and resigned myself to the thought that things just don't work out the way we want it to. That's life. He is happy now and I am truly happy for him.

It was pure emotional emancipation. Understanding and genuine forgiveness is very liberating.

Honey it's over now
It's harder now that it's over
Now that the cuffs are off
It's over now
You're free, you're free...
Free with a history...
~ Harder Now That It's Over, Ryan Adams

A clean break is easier. You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on, but if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right, then it just hurts... forever.

~ Little Black Book


Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY KILL YOU. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," IT SHOULD KILL YOU INSTANTLY. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

What is it about love that makes us so stupid?

~ Under The Tuscan Sun


As the cliche goes, what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.

I do hope that what he said will become true for me.

Our paths have crossed in the past but now we must move in opposite directions. But I do hope that one day I can thank him personally for the lesson he has molded into my life. Things may not have turned out the way we wanted it to be but I shall not regret this certain point in my journey. Things happen for a reason, they say. He has probably found out that reason long before I did. And now, he has, in his own strange comforting way, have made me realize that things are probably really meant to be that way.


I celebrated my birthday last Tues. with my dearest friends: Abbie, Charo, Tin and Jako. Mitzi (in the US now) surprised me with an overseas call as I was dozing off waiting for Tin to pick me up. We chatted for quite a long while! Thanks for the sweet call, Mitzi! :)

We had my birthday dinner first at Dencio's in Brittany Bay (the one with Figaro and Grappas... 'really nice picturesque building sticking out at the Sucat service road... you should see it during Christmas... the whole place looks magical with all the Christmas lights and giant Christmas tree.)

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We then proceeded to 19East (a stone's throw away from Dencio's) to watch M.Y.M.P. perform. Twas my first time to watch them live. I've been loving their cover songs from their album for quite awhile now. Juris of MYMP has one of those cute pixie-like voices (think Lisa Loeb and Barbie Almabis)...

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005


MYMP sang this last night when we were celebrating my b-day at 19East...

I hear you're taking the town again
Havin' a good time
With all your good-time friends
I don't think that you think of me
You're on your own now
And I'm alone and free

I know that I should get on with my life
But a life lived without you
Could never be right

As long as the stars shine down from the heavens
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me

I try to smile so the hurt won't show
Tell everybody
That I was glad to see you go
But the tears just won't go away
Loneliness found me
Looks like it's here to stay

I know that I oughta find someone new
But all I find is myself
Always thinkin' of you

No matter what I do
Each night's a lifetime to live through
I can't go on like this
I need your touch
You're the only one I'll ever loved

And as long as the stars shine down from the heavens
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me

I'll never get over you
Getting over
Never get over you...
Getting over
I'll never get over you
Getting over me.


Ang saya diba? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Friends, check out my friends-only post over at Tabulas ;-)...

Monday, April 18, 2005


So it's more than three months.

"Give-me-three- months"- my-friggin'- foot.

Wow. I can't believe I'm still counting. #%$*^!!!! WHY THE F*** AM I COUNTING ANYWAY?!

Stupidly stubborn. Royal pain in the arse. And heart.

Hmmm. Asswipes are such hard habits to break.


One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters...

What has passed will not return...

~ Closing Cycles, Paulo Coelho

Monday, April 11, 2005


Yeah. I've been watching "kill me now, why don't you" mushfests on DVD. I dunno. Around this time of the year, along with December and February, I feel extremely DQ-ish. I guess that's how it is when you know you're turning another year older soon and you still find yourself in the same love-lorn sh*thole (save for the year 2003... the ONLY happiest birthday for me, by far...). It is pseudo-death by DVDs. I started with Sixteen Candles and My Best Friend's Wedding... plus, a surprise mush-- The Village -- last week. And tonight I cried a bucket of tears watching The Notebook the second time around. (awww, I think I like Ryan Gosling now...). Over the next coupla days/weeks, I am queuing the following movies (all of which I have already seen before but want to watch again out of sheer emo-suicide):

  • Before Sunrise
  • Before Sunset
  • Pretty In Pink
  • Grosse Pointe Blank
  • Closer
  • Mi Vida Sin Mi
  • Reality Bites
  • Untamed Heart
  • and probably the Aidan-Carrie/Berger-Carrie episodes of SATC

Crying is good, they say.

This too shall pass.


"He's got you on a pedestal and me in his arms." ~ Kimmy to Julianne

George Downes: Michael's chasing Kimmy?
Julianne Potter: Yes!
George Downes: You're chasing Michael?
Julianne Potter: YES!
George Downes: Who's chasing you... nobody, get it?



"Sometimes we don't do what we want to do because we're afraid that other people will know that we want to do them." ~ Ivy Walker to Lucius Hunt



Noah: It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.
Allie: What's that supposed to mean?
Noah: [yelling] Money. He’s got a lot of money!
Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.
Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if you weren't.

Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.
Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin' !
Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Allie: So what?
Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.
Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?
Allie: It's not that simple.
Noah: What... do... you... want? Whaddaya want?
Allie: I have to go now.


Sunday, April 10, 2005


I realize I haven't posted anything in a long while and this is actually my first post for my birthday month. So here... I'm gonna mess up my blog and post random stuff. (I hate not having an appropriately themed post. I rarely post random thoughts here. I think this is my 2nd or 3rd random post ever since I started blogging in 2003. I suppose it's coz I'm OC. Anyway...)

  • I did the most macho thing ever last Thurs. night. I opened up my CPU and changed the battery of my ASUS motherboard. Yey! I feel so macho holding two different screw drivers and actually opening up and seeing the hi-tech whatchamacallits inside my CPU. The day before, I asked the help of our IT guy in the office to demonstrate how to change the motherboard battery. And so, I successfully changed it. I'm so proud of myself coz I'm not so helpless anymore when it comes to my PC. Hurray!

  • Just came from Camayan Beach in Subic yesterday. We're blaming the president of the Phils. for making us late that by the time we got there at 9:30AM, the cabanas were all occupied save for one that we had to evacuate by 1PM because somebody has reserved it already. Yes, my dad blamed the president coz we were re-routed somewhere in Pampanga because GMA was gonna be there. Instead of the main road, we were re-routed inside the town so I took us longer to get to Subic. Anyway, I tried to even out my tan yesterday. I happily didn't get sunburned coz I slathered on sunblock. I learned my lesson already! I don't want to end up fried anymore ;-)

  • I think I like Athlete. I've been hearing their sigle "Wires" on RX every 6:35AM-ish on the Morning Rush. They sound like Coldplay. Typical melodramatic, depressing British wailing. I am still contemplating though whether to buy their album "Tourist" or just download their mp3. So far I've seen good reviews about it in the net but I saw in Amazon that there's a Tourist CD with additional tracks. The version they're selling at Tower Records doesn't have the extra tracks yet. I'm hoping that they release the repackaged version with additional tracks. I hate it when record companies do that... I realize it's an evil scheme to milk out more money for the album but why don't they just sell the CD with the add-ons (bonus songs, videos, bundled VCDs ...) to begin with?! Grrr. The only time I fell for that scheme was with Maroon5's Songs About Jane. For awhile, I had 2 Maroon5 albums. I gave away the first edition to my sister and kept the repackaged one with more tracks. I've been double-whammied with the repackaged album scheme: first with Switchfoot's Beautiful Letdown which now comes with additional acoustic tracks and some videos... second with Usher's Confessions which now comes with My Boo and some more extra songs, I think.

  • Speaking of mp3s, since I reformated my HDD weeks ago, I have yet to rebuild my "My Music" folder. I am due to transfer back 20 (count 'em -- TWENTY!) CDs worth of mp3s I've downloaded since 2002. My primary purpose of buying additional hard disk memory was so I could continue to have an organized mp3 filing system in my PC -- divided into folders by genre (Rock, Pop, OSTs, R&B, Reggae, OPM, Dance, Mush...) and further subdivided in folders by artist. I am devoting my 20GB slave drive for all of it. Good luck to me.

  • I have yet to re-install any P2P program for downloading my mp3s. I am contemplating whether to re-install my Kazaa-lite or use Limewire which was recommended to me by my boss' 16yr old daughter. The two programs claim in their websites that they don't have spyware but who's to trust anyone's words these days? I'd be happy to hear your thoughts. Yes you. I'm sure you love downloading mp3s too ;-)