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Thursday, May 29, 2003

Inspired by "I love you anyway" by Travis (as heard from my Felicity mp3s)

I fear that things may have changed. I miss you terribly that it kills me sometimes. You don't seem to miss me anymore. But I love you anyway.

Sometimes I feel that you have become distant. I do not feel the same warmth from you anymore. It's like you have gotten sick of chasing me. Well it's not like I want you to go chasing me everyday. You don't seem to be aware that it is you who have the power to stop this mad chase. You would only have to ask. Easy as that.

I wait and wait to hear what I've been wanting to hear from you. But you never say it. I love you anyway.

It seems you still do not really know what you want at all. And you're so unsure of me that you test me sometimes. Isn't it I who is supposed to test the strength and sincerity of your word? Am I the one to prove something to you? Am I supposed to be the one chasing you?You're not sure about me, but I love you anyway.

Your feelings may fade away in time. You might just walk out on me someday. But I love you anyway.

Sunday, May 25, 2003

~*Melancholy and Infinite Sadness*~
I'm not afraid of living alone, I was alone before he came. ~ What Makes You Stay by Deana Carter (Hope Floats soundtrack)

I hate this feeling of dependency. He loses contact for a few days--and I am lost and lonely. I revert to my depressed solitary existence. The rain came and went. But not him. Will he ever be here? Can he stand the rain?

The soft patter of the rain on the rooftop muffles my weeping. The fragile pink flowers sway as I try to sigh away my sadness. The leaves of May glisten with my tears. And he is still not here.

I think he has grown tired of the chase. I have probably been chasing illusions myself.

It pains me to realize that he is not sure at all. Coz if he was ready, he would have moved mountains just to ask me. But look at me. Look at him. Look at us. Everything is vague nothingness. It is painful not to hear the words that he is supposed to say. The silence is deafening. It haunts me when I lay myself to bed at night.

And that was when I started to cry.

Nothing I do can fill the void he left. And this is not right. I should know how to bravely live alone coz I was alone before he came, right? Then why the dark, aching void?

I should make a resolution: I should not let my happiness be held by someone else's hands. I should take care of myself. I should light up my own life. I should complete myself.

After all, THE HOURS ahead, I fear, shall be days like these. Sadly enough.