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Tuesday, June 29, 2004


*wasted me after coming home from Aliw Theater*

'Attended the Manila Film Fest 2004 last Monday at Aliw Theater since we were one of the major sponsors. We presented the Best in Cinematography award. Good thing the HD-shot "Naglalayag" by Angora Films did not win or else it would've been a virtual slap to our face since it's NOT shot on film at all. Twas VIVA's "Kulimlim" by Odyssey Flores (???) which won. Naglalayag was the big winner of the night. It won Best Picture, Best Director (Maryo J. Caparas), Best Actor (Yul Servo) and Actress (Nora Aunor). My senses were scandalized upon seeing the kissing scenes of Yul Servo and Nora Aunor. *gags* barf bag, please* (Ackkk. There just might be some Noranian surfer out there who's reading my blog right now. My apologies.)

So okayyy... That night was the time to be on jologs-mode and star-gaze to my heart's content ;)

These three hotties made my night: 1) Gaah. I do not know his name. This was the dude who played the stripper in last year's Metro Manila Film Fest entry "Bridal Shower". I see him now in GMA 7's spoof Marinara. I was staring at him from where we were seated (row 5 right across the presenter's podium) during the gap when he had just come up the stage. And then, holy cow, he saw me looking at him and he flashed this oh-so-melting smile. Gaaah. Petrified, I looked away. *toinks self for not smiling back at him* 2) Oh my gulay, I was surprised to see R & B prince Jay-R as a performer there! Good thing I did not leave early. His number was during the latter part of the show. Such hotness in that dude. 3) Okay, believe me, when you meet Robin Padilla personally, you will definitely get mesmerized. I swear. Last year, also in the Manila Film Fest, he sat right in front of us. Initially, I was like "yuuuck. Robin?! Ackkk. I don't like him." when my officemate was going goo-goo over him. But then we got to talk to him a bit when we asked him to pose for a pic and he's like oozing with charm. No wonder every single leading lady of his gets involved with him. I liked his hair better last year than last Monday but nevertheless, he is still handsome. He is truly a star. There was some ruckus during one of the gaps and my officemate wondered what was up. I kidded that maybe Robin just arrived. True enough, in walked Robin. *more shrieks* Oh by the way, predictably, he won "Star of the Night".

Here are some of the noteworthy presentors and/or winners:

Gary Estrada was still handsome. 'Had a crush on this dude way back in 2nd year high school when we fortunately had the same hotel in HK and had same flight back home -- he even saw me really pale from having just thrown up due to dizziness. Very wonderful, lasting impression of me, right? Haha. Ciara Sotto, in fairness, looked pretty that night. She at least did not look like the female version of Tito Sotto sans the mustache. Iza Calzado, now this gal's very pretty. Really nice face. She co-presented with this dude from the Power Boys/Rexona ad fame. Jean Garcia was also surprisingly very stunning. It would have been better though if she thought of having her knees bleached before deciding to wear that revealing gown. Andrea del Rosario was quite thin in person. Yul Servo: Holy cow, I can't believe he beat Robin Padilla in the Best Actor category! He was always smiling. He reminded me of Mo Twister and Prinsipe K of Okay Ka Fairy Ko at the same time. There's Judy Ann (slimmed down compared to last year's show), Wendell Ramos, Jay Manalo (ay caramba, hot dude!), Victor Neri (some kinda hot too) and Tanya Garcia who kinda looked like Bea Alonzo (???). Ara Mina was one of the hosts (along with TJ Manotoc and Lorna T who mysteriously disappeared half-way through the show). Ara's got a really pretty face, it's just that she is huge everywhere - boobs, waist, hips. I didn't get a picture of her coz the hosts were always on the other side of the stage. Anyway, can I just say she "murdered" our company name?! Ackkk. For the life of me, I cannot fathom why she cannot pronounce "Kodak" even if it were to save her own life. It's supposed to be "code-ac" not "kodakkkk" like "KOKAK!". Ayayayay. Another blooper: On the VTR, the text read as "Best TEAM song". Helllerrrr?!?! Ano yun? As in "Go red team! Go blue team". Ayayayayay again.

Albert Martinez was also handsome. The Botox treatment is not obvious. But hellloooo, I dunno what's up with him. He made a blooper and thanked "Mayor Lim" instead of Mayor Atienza! And he did it at least twice in his acceptance speech after winning Best Supporting Actor. Well I sure hope he isn't on what his bro William is/was taking.

The hot R&B prince Jay-R (plus I think that's one of the Manouevers dude...) 'Almost fell out of my seat when I saw him onstage. I didn't know that he was performing. I frantically snapped away. Ooh, such a spiffy outfit! Oh and by the way, my officemate said Keith Martin was there watching the show. Yes. He is STILL here. Ackkk. Is he EVER coming back to the US? Hmm.

There's Geneva Cruz wearing that familiar studded sparkling net top. Feeling very Beyonce-ish and Britney-ish. Predictably, she sang songs from both artists. Gaah. Patricia Javier is really super sexy. Holy cow, her boobs are so huge they look like they're the same size as my butt! Ackkk. There's Regine Velasquez and her mysteriously hickey'd (?) right boob. We surmise it was probably fresh from backstage or it would've been concealed by her make-up artist before she even paraded onstage. Whatever. She reminds me of Michael Jackson. Must be coz of her white face, black hair and her eyes. But whoa. I did not realize she had her boobs made in such, ermm, boldstar-ish proportions. It looks ermm, weird on her. Oh but she did gain so much weight. Oh well, I guess her waistline, hips and arms matches the size of her post-surgery chest now. But no one can argue, she still has the best kili-kili in town. Her pits are sooo worth all the skin peeling and whathaveyous she had done. Teehee.

Okay. I am being too Joan Rivers-ish. This has been way too entertaining to write. Teehee.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

~* The BIG Colin Farrell News *~

Now unless you live in the batcave or something, you must have heard about the BIG Colin Farrell news that's everywhere online. I first heard the news yesterday over at Chico & Delamar. Here's the exact news that Delle read on the News at 17:

Farrell's Full Monty Cover-Up
by Lia Haberman
Jun 24, 2004, 10:00 AM PT

Colin Farrell's rep as a ladies' man just got a big boost.

A full-frontal scene in the actor's upcoming movie, A Home at the End of the World, has been cut because audiences were purportedly distracted by Farrell's supposedly massive member.

Members of both sexes cheered at the unrobed Irishman during a test audience screening of the flick recently, disrupting what was supposed to be a poignant scene, according to the New York Post. (In a slightly differing account, the New York Daily News reported that the audience "gasped.")

"That was never what we intended," producer John Hart told the Post Wednesday.

"None of us are prudish, Colin Farrell least of all, but when we saw that it was pulling people out of the movie--why would we do that to the story?"

On the flip side, several online reports suggest that Farrell was "fluffed" before his big scene.

All the ruckus over the size of Farrell's family jewels has led director Michael Mayer to crop the scene in which Farrell's character strolls out of his East Village apartment bedroom in his birthday suit. Instead, he'll be naked to the navel.

Scheduled for a July 23 release, the R-rated flick is about a bisexual love triangle set in New York among two former childhood friends (played by Farrell and Dallas Roberts) and the free-spirited roommate of one of the men (played by Robin Wright Penn). Sissy Spacek also stars.

I had a totally amusing afternoon surfing all over the net about this, ermm, "big" news. And I swear, the headlines they use are just sheer pun galore! Hahaha! Here are some more of 'em:

Colin's BIG Scene Gets the Chopper
by Victoria Newton

I've always said there was something special about COLIN FARRELL--and now I have the proof.

It's official--the Irish badboy is very, very well hung.

The bad news is his manhood is so big it had to be axed from nude scenes in new movie A Home At The End Of The World.

Boo hiss--I feel a petition coming on.

I can reveal Colin's considerable chopper caused such a stir among audiences at test screenings that scenes showing his privates ended up on the cutting-room floor.

A source says: "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full-frontal pose.

"The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable.

"It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it."

Michael Mayer, who directed the movie, in which Colin plays a bisexual in a love triangle, admits: “It was distracting."

But don't worry girls, all is not lost.

Colin is so incensed he won't be shown in his full glory in cinemas (you're not the only one, Col), he is demanding the scenes be included when the film comes out on DVD.

My insider tells me: "Producers have agreed, so his female fans have a treat in store." Hurray.


Now these series of articles from, are the most amusing ones. You will go ROTFL over their choice of words, I swear! ;P

More On Colin Farrell's Mammoth Privates

It's becoming obvious that today's Defamer will be hijacked by the likes of Britney Spears, the Olsens, and Colin Farrell's Supposedly Enormous Johnson. There's little we can do but give Brit a shoulder to lean on, hold Mary-Kate's hair, and try not to get our eye poked out by Farrell's renegade member. Alas, now the spectre of controversy is dangling around Farrell, as a well-informed reader thinks there's something amiss with the Irishman's on-screen junk:

I saw "A Home..." at a press screening two months ago. As the editor of a nat'l gay men's mag at the time, you bet my guest and I were somewhat overwhelmed when we saw Colin's meat literally precede him out of the bedroom in the aforementioned nixed shot. Of course, I was on the phone with all of my crony gay mag editor friends the next day gossiping about it, because there was something that just wasn't right. You have to understand, we've seen a lot of c*ck. Not to get into the gory details, but a p***s just doesn't usually move the way his wagged (or, rather, didn't) when he walked down the hall. The verdict was it was most definitely fluffed. That, or, we wouldn't have been surprised if the Colin PR machine insisted on a little low-budget CG "enhancement." Plus, what is he, like 5'5"? Of course it'll look big.

So now we're left to wonder if Farrell was fluffed or if we're all the victims of a CGI stunt c*ck. (We're going to leave the frame-by-frame analysis to someone else, we're still busy with the Lohan investigation.) Only one thing is clear: Farrell's genius PR team is going to get a huge f***ing raise or be hired away by Tom Cruise, even though they neglected the balls.

Colin Farrell's Mammoth Privates Overwhelm Test Audience

The British Sun's "Bizarre" column reports that Colin Farrell's p***s is SO HUGE that it distracted test audiences for his film A Home At The End Of The World. So off-putting was the massive schlong that it was cut from a nude scene. Says their source, "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full-frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it."

We can almost hear the publicist snickering into the phone. No, no. It was like a f***ing anaconda, and members in the audience with a fear of snakes either fainted dead away or suffered life-threatening aneurysms. You might want to print "huge" in all caps, just to convey how incredibly large Farrell's c*ck is. Maybe snake isn't a good word. Does "dragon" amply convey the scale, without making his genitalia seem horned and weird? Let's go with dragon.

The Continuing Saga Of Colin Farrell's Family Jewels

Just when we thought we might finally be free of The Curious Case of Colin Farrell's Oversized Tool On The Cutting Room Floor, we're bombarded with new info. A spy with knowledge of such matters tells us that Farrell had "final c*ck image approval" for A Home At The End Of The World , and after seeing a cut of his moneymaker in a screening, flipped his little army helmet and demanded that alternate footage be used. We don't know whether or not this involved reshoots with a zoom lens, or why he allegedly threw the fit, but one thing is certain: In the last 24 hours, we've written more euphemisms for "p***s" than a copywriter for gay porn video boxes. Also, stories about your favorite bad boy actor's equipment being cut for, um, length, may be greatly exaggerated.


'Changed my background sound to the acoustic version (yebbah!) of This Love by Maroon 5:

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
(it's alright, it's alright)
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
Her heart is breaking in front of me
And I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

~ From the album "Songs About Jane"


Okay, now don't laugh... I haven't ever been to Eastwood (coz it's oh-so-freakin' far fr. where I live!) ever and it was my first time to be there last night. I went there with Charo to watch the fellas perform. I haven't seen the guys for like more than a month. In some weird way, I miss 'em when I don't see them for weeks. They're my sugar-rush so I suppose it's a quasi-addiction that I can never shake. Sprinkle that with hugs from the rest of the akakadas and I am happy :)

Charo and I got there around 7:30pm. We were walking around and then I suddenly saw Lucy waving at us from the nearby tables. So we joined them: Lucy, Mika, Tito Kiko and Tita Cora. Twas my first time to meet the mom of Reubs. She's as nice as Tito Kiko who's as nice as Reubs. Hehe, nice happy family :) Oh, and speaking of Reubs... he got his hair dyed again! This time, with a much lighter brown color.

Later on, we were joined by Sybs and Peachy. During the show, 'met Teena and Maika. Jane and her friend Odette (?) was there too.

Jeco happened to be there din in Eastwood with, ermm, his date (I suppose). Managed to wave at him as they passed by Fazoli's where we were seated.

Was surpised to see that my uber-fave tandem, Chico & Delamar, were the hosts of the show. It was the launch pala of this new magazine called "Unwind". So anyway, here are the pix. Darn it, I wasn't able to snap a pic of Myke strutting in all his 6-pack glory during the Mossimo fashion show! Oh well...

Chico & Del

The 'fellas sans Ikey

Paolo Santos

It was sooo nice to hear Karl belt out the Martin Nievera classic "Ikaw Ang Lahat Sa Akin". I just sooo luv that song in the guys' repertoire. Here's my fave part of the song:

pano mapipigil ang isang damdamin
kung ang sinisigaw
ikaw ang lahat sa akin

at kung hindi ngayon
ang panahon, upang ikaw ay mahalin
bukas na walang hanggan
hanggang matapos ang kailan pa man
bukas na walang hanggang
ako'y maghihintay pa rin

Ahhh. Karl's just sooo galing when he does that part. 'Gives me goosebumps sometimes. They finished performing early. Before Charo and I left, I went to the backstage to say hi to the guys. Ay, si Pau, wala nang amnesia! It's a miracle!:P When he saw me he greeted me agad as in "Hi Aileen". Haha, and like what Ikey used to warn me with when I beso them, he went "Pawis!". Haha. I kidded him "Wow ha, you're wearing your Sarabia look!" coz he wore this nice stylish tinted eyeglasses. After greeting everyone -- Red, a belated Happy Birthday at that (aww, 'was supposed to greet Ikey too but he was not in the gig) -- Charo and I decided to watch Paolo Santos do one song. It's not thrilling to watch Paolo Santos anymore coz he mimics Jason Mraz's singing style most of the time that it gets pretty annoying.

This cab we rode to Makati obviously got his meter rigged coz helloooo, we just made ikot at Eastwood and suddenly it was freakin' 40+ bucks already! Charo watched the meter and she exclaimed something like: "Hoy manong, grabe ha, from 40+ naging 50+ agad yang metro nyo!" Yeah! Gooo Charo-girl!!! 'Was quite suprised that Charo would yelp out to the asshole cab driver since, by nature, she's kinda on the quiet side. Naaaks, Charo's getting agressive na, woohoo!;P So anyway, the stupid cab driver lamely said that wala daw daya yung metro nya. HELLERRRR?!?! (yes, that's the new jologs word that I learned to use, hahaha!:P ) So anyway, after we let him know that we were watching his meter, it seemed to have gone back to its normal rate. But anyway, when we got off the cab in Makati, even if the meter read about P125+, we just gave the cheating bastard a hundred bucks. Gaah, assholes on the streets of Manila >:/ Grr-ness.



Gaah. Roses really smell like boo-hoo-hooo. This love has taken its toll on me. Her heart is breakin' in front of him.

Grr moment. Sadness. Punyenye *Lucy, pa-borrow ng term ha ;)*. Ay ewan! Blahhhh. Look at my tabulas later.

It is not a friggin' good idea to pop in a Damien Rice CD now but I just did. :P

Thursday, June 24, 2004


'First saw this on Mic's tabulas. Then on Abbie's blogspot.

Hmmm is all I can say.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


Woohoo. 'Finally met Direk Laurenti Dyogi! Ay caramba, he's a hottie!;P I only noticed him when I regularly saw him in Star Circle Quest. He's, hmmm, enigmatically handsome (if there ever is such a thing). And that slight drawl when he speaks... ayyy. *Would ya believe, I tried surfing for his pic at Google and Yahoo... not a single pic! Why oh why oh why?!*

We observed the shooting of the "John Lloyd-Bea" movie (Yes, that IS their verrrry creative and imaginative working title for the movie. Haha!) as part of our external training (since my department sells the motion picture films). He is a tall dude ha. Or then again, maybe coz I'm small. Anywayz... So we went to IO at The Loop this afternoon coz they were shooting two scenes there. They were on the second sequence by the time we got there. Saw John Lloyd who wore such a thick foundation, Bea who was surprisingly thin pala, Louie sumthin who was the kooky look-alike of Rico Yan (the same kakulitan, smile, and zaniness), Nikki Valdez and Christopher Peralta. Met the hippie-looking dude who was the Director of Photography. His name escapes me at the moment.

So anyway, met Direk and shook his hands and smiled. Gaah. He has such a firm, confident handshake. Once in a while he'd go out of the videoke room where they were rolling and then he'd check out the video assist. Vic, Bianx and I were sitting there watching the video assist, chatting up the manong who was manning the quarter inch magnetic which was capturing the live sound inside the videoke room. Direk wore a cool red suede Diesel sneakers. Didn't get to see the brand of his watch. Ahh but it was nice to sit beside him :)

We were joking around earlier inside the car: we reminded ourselves to turn off the alerts of our fones, to carefully tread the wires all over the floor and to be quiet coz baka masabihan kami ni Direk ng "You're OUT!" ;P He seems scary pa naman as a judge in SCQ.

I so did not want to leave without saying goodbye to him. We were almost gonna leave without making paalam to him coz he disappeared right after the pack-up. Well anyway, he just grabbed his backpack pala. They were off to Galleria for the next shoot. He thought nga that we were coming pa with them there. But it was getting late na and we needed to get back to the office... So there, we said bye and shook hands again. He's a great "handshaker"-- he shakes your hand using both of his hands with a firm grasp. I likey!

Sadness. We couldn't take a sneaky shot of him though with our fone's cam coz some of the crew were standing behind us. Hiyuuuck, 'kahiya naman if they see us taking pics of Direk! Haha! We're not even freakin' interested with John Lloyd :P.

So there. We are scheming to invite him on our regular UP Career Talks and our other upcoming product launches so that we can see more of him ;) We got his fone number and mailing address na from the PA. Hahaha!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004


I was listening to Chico & Del this morning and Del was saying that she was having a bad morning. Her quick-fix was to play these really nice songs. One of the "upper" songs she played was the Morning Rush cult fave, Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen. I was sensing a bad start for my day too, so while I closed my eyes (while sitting at the backseat of the car), headphones blasting on my ears, I listened intently and internalized the song. I was surprised at how beautiful the song is. Nuggets of wisdom are all over it. Here's a bit of background about the song from

One of the most surreal singles in memory, "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" has an even stranger story than you'd imagine: in 1998, a student lifted the text of an article columnist Mary Schmich had written for the Chicago Tribune and started sending it around the world, crediting it as a commencement speech given at MIT by Kurt Vonnegut. Film director Baz Luhrmann (who had taken a big part in designing the soundscapes of his films Strictly Ballroom and William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet) got his hands on it just as he was working on a remix of Rozalla's 1992 dance hit "Everybody's Free (To Feel Good)." Within a day, Luhrmann had hired a local actor to read the text, and a single was born. It's a wonderfully surreal pop-cultural moment on an album that strives for such things. -- Randy Silver

Okay, so here's the lyrics. Read it carefully. Perhaps it will change your outlook in life ;)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97,
Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Brother and sister together will make it through,
Some day a spirit will take you and guide you there,
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out, whenever I can.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Friday, June 18, 2004


I suddenly feel sucky now at the end of this day. (NO. Not THAT kind of sucky you dirty mind you;P) I missed a happy meal. Even if we had dessert at Max Brener, I still feel sucky because of that stupid unscheduled con-call. Grr. Sadness.

Imma gonna wallow in something productive now. I feel like doing the mp3 soundbites for the akafellas website. Can I help out on this one Lucy? ('texted you but I haven't gotten a response as of now.) Or maybe miraculously learn real Macromedia Flash? Hermmm. That may be pushing my luck. Flash seems complicated. Oh well.

Gaaah. I totally hate not having THAT happy meal. Hate it, hate it. Arghhh! *must do something... anything to stop me from feeling sucky right now*


I have just been called a 'fashionista' today. Is that supposed to be a diss or a compliment? Did he just toss a negative, disparaging remark my way? Or should I be glad? Hmm.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

~* SURVEY SEZ.... *~

I have too much time in my hands. I'm on VL :)

'Took some online tests that I found on my friend's blogs. Now let's see how accurate they are...

From Mitzi's blog:

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a5
your best quality isyoure pretty inside and out
your worst quality isyoure a bitch!
this is becauseother people influenced you
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Wow. Quite accurate! Haha! :P

From Abbie's blog:

I took the Blogging Personality Quiz at About Web logs and I am...

The Artist
My blog captures the way I see the world. I love images more than words. Blogging only makes sense to me if there are photos or pictures - be it of daily life, special people, memorable events, or works of art.

Wow! This is sooo true! Galing!:)

From Teena's blog:

How to make a lilacstardust

5 parts success

3 parts self-sufficiency

1 part empathy
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of lustfulness and enjoy!


Personality cocktail

A sprinkle of lustfulness?! Hahahaha! *evil grin*

From Tere's blog:

lilacstardust has fragile contents which may break!



*Awww* yes, I am fragile! Handle me with care ;)

Now here are some tests I tried out at Quizilla. Gaaah, I am a total mouse potato today!

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


Hmmm. True, true.

Are you in love?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are totally in love.You try to hide it but you
cant.You are nice and pretty in your own way
and you are a bit of a daydreamer.Have fun and
please rate my quiz.

Good gawd. *feigns surprise* I am?!

Okay enough. I am feeling carpal tunnelish now. I've been online since 10am!:p


I'm on VL today so I now have time to post about the Ben Jelen gig last Friday at Greenbelt.

"Ben who?", you ask. Don't worry, I was like that too about three weeks ago. I was like, "Ano? Ben Jelen (pronouncing the "J" as "J"... it's pronounced as "Yelen"), Janice de Belen?! Whaaat?!". He is the guy who sang "Come On", a minor hit at the pop radio stations. My officemate bought his album and it was quite nice if you really concentrated on listening to it. I say concentrated coz if you listen to it like me -- low volume drone in my PC as I worked at the office -- you will not really appreciate it. His songs sorta sound the same and only a couple are catchy ones. Nevertheless, it's quite nice.

The Greenbelt gig was free so we thought, why not go, right?! He might turn big and famous someday and we would've totally regretted not seeing him perform live.

We were able to get good seats coz we were early. We kept making fun of the side comments of this gal who was seated behind us. She said: "Para syang si Josh Groban!" Hellooooo?! What, pray tell, is the similarity between angelic-looking Pop Opera dude Josh Groban and rockish, sweaty, boybandish-looking Ben Jelen? And then Ben was still in the middle of his SECOND song when the same girl utters: "Wow, I like ALL his songs! Ang ganda!" Hellooo! Easy lang, he's not even done with the second song, ang ganda ganda na lahat as if he sang the entire album na :P From playing the piano while singing, Ben shifted to playing the violin. Similarly, the girl goes: "Wow, ang DAMI nyang alam na instruments!" Again. I rolled my eyes. No need to repeat my comment like before. Ben has not even played the guitar yet at that time! So playing 2 instruments is considered marami na?! Hayyyy.

Lemme share some pix that my officemate Rico took using the Kodak DX6490 (shameless plug! hehehe:P ):

Haha. This is what we called "the Ben Jelen sultry pose"... with the wet look and that lips. Hahaha!

Playing the piano...

Playing the violin... I like this artsy shot!

Playing the guitar...

I was distracted from watching Ben Jelen's performance when I saw this yummy whoever dude who was part of his posse. He seems to be the official photographer of the band, hehe.

Ben Jelen was drenching in sweat as early as his third song, I think. Got pretty squeamish about it. Everytime he like throwed his head back a bit, his sweat-drenched messy hair would shower some drops of sweat in the air. Major *ewww* :P.

He looked like Barry Watson from 7th Heaven and James Marsden (Cyclops from X-men).

We proceed to Music One Greenbelt for his autograph signing after the gig. At least he freshened up a bit and looked dry that time ;P. I didn't hang around long coz it was getting late and I needed to go home na.

Sadness. When my officemates went to Seattle's Best for coffee, they spotted Mark San Diego (that hot MYX veejay who looked like a classier version of Piolo Pascual and a lesser-evolved version of Smallville's Tom Welling). He was seen smooching with Aliya Parcs. Hayyy. Of all the things to miss! Kainis! I sooo wanted to see this hot dude in person! Grr. Sayang :(


WHAT IS UP WITH FRIENDSTER??? I opened mine last night and then, lo & behold, I have like 140 freakin' messages from strangers (predominantly UGHly guys... sadness. Some have obviously fake celebrity pix. Some have totally weird if not geekish interests... we don't even share the same interests at all)!!!! What's up with that?!?! Anong kaguluhan toh?! Is there some sort of race at Friendster as to whoever has 500 friends in one day? Has my Friendster ID or my name or my email has been posted somewhere nasty? WTF is up?!? My Yahoo mail is flooded with Friendster's message notifications. I haven't even finished going through all those junk messages -- some paying me compliments, some slightly perverted, some begging me to add them as a friend, some just saying "hi".

Here are the standouts for your sheer amusement. I swear it was so entertaining reading through all those junk. My comments are in parentheses:

Subject: Friends?

Message: I was browsing the gallery and saw ur sleeping
beauty kind of pic and i hope that we could get
to be friends!

(ay. aliw to ah!)


Subject: hi there

Message: i want to join in your circle of friend,would
you allow me to join?

(this made it sound like i am conducting a, uhmm, star circle talent search?)

Subject: wala lang! Ang ganda mo kasi eh!

Message: Hi! pwede bang makipagkaibigan as in? Ang ganda
mo kasi eh! nangangailangan pa naman ako ngayon
ng magagandang kaibigan to help me heal my
broken heart. sana maging friends tayo! here's
my contact no. 0916XXXXX and landline XXXXX Mark

(astig to ah. AS IN. feeling close! aba. at nakikipag-phonepal pa!)


Subject: hi, how are you

Message: how are you Aileen? i am from Dubai, UAE. i am
intrested you, pls mail me: XXXXX
my web site:

(take a peek at his site. wahaha.)


Subject: interested in you!!

Message: hi,,,my name is richard....
im from singapore chinese 30yearolds hope i wont
be to old for you!! i like to travel and now im
traveling ard malaysia!! hope that you will drop
me e msg so we can know each other more ok!!

takecare & goodluck.....

(hmm. the last time i checked I was NOT in a mail-order bride catalog ;P)


Subject: Hi Friend

Message: hi! Aileen kmusta jan sa pinas? pwede b ktang
mging friend? what is ur number pra mtawagan kta
kong pwede? d2 k sa Guam.saan ka nagwo work? cge
ingat ka. musta mo na lang k sa pamily mo.

(isa pa 'tong feeling close. helloooo?!)


Subject: hi.......

Message: Hallo.....
I herie from indonesia
I really be attracted by your the appearance
since the first time entering in friendster.
If you did not object I want to berteman with
you, if you agreed responded my enamel...
Thank apostr s...

(huh? *blank stare* he speaks in a funny alien language.)


Subject: knock2!!!!!!!

Message: hey there! wzup! how's it goin? srry 4 bargin'in
k! i jst thought u lookd so wildlyfun and
interestin'! btw, u got a scintillatin' face.
anyway, i jst wnna say hi and make friends! hope
ur aight w/ that! ciao!!!!!!!!

(maniac-ish homeboy from the states, native of leyte. get this: his name is spelled "Irvhin". Haha. The trademark pinoy "H".)


Subject: hi

Message: hey can u add me?la lng u luk gud eh..u take care

(what am I, a decoration on your friends list?)


Subject: HELLO

Message: care 2 be a friend?

(i don't care.*haha* period.)


Subject: sup girl...

Message: ur damn gorgeous... hope its cool to add u up...

(hmm. this dude is damn FRESH.)


Subject: hi.!

Message: .wla lng..! .pKi Invite nmAn ako pRa mdmi ako
friends..! ...sAlamAt...µ

(aww. sorry i could not help you in your exciting Friendster career.)


Subject: Hi!

Message: I find your pictures very lovely and pretty.
By the way,I'm Warren 28 years of age and
working as a Test Product Engineer here in one
of the semiconductor company in Laguna
Technopark here in Binan.
I'm very much interested in meeting you.
Is that possible?
Are you in a relationship right now?
Appreciate and hope that you could provide a
response to my email add:

Thanks& God Bless,

(scary to ah. feel na feel makipag EB.)


Subject: aileen

Message: hi,may bf ka na ba?

(hi, close tayo?)


Subject: hi aileen

Message: hello im enzogwapo. hows ur day aileen. wer do u
work. do u have cell oe land phone so i can call
u? give me ur number aileen. reply pls

(kulit nito ah. and feeling gwapo.)


Subject: hello

Message: hi nice to know you in here , you have a greeting
from me for you :)



Subject: hi

Message: hallo dear i meet u to day and i think i was
looking for u all my life wait ur email at
soon plz

(feeling soul mate toh ah.)


Subject: hi....

Message: helo.... can i meet you...? joke! just want to
say you are pretty....

(haha! natawa ako dito :P)


Subject: Hellooooo

Message: Uhhh... well me bigfoot , like to be ur friend
eheh.. can ??

(uhhh... cannot.)


Subject: hi

Message: you can add me if you like

(no. i don't like.)


Subject: how about exchanging thoughts about neruda?

Message: just read your profile from the gallery. if you
really love neruda, then you must engrossed too
with his fellow countryman and poet Cesar
Vallejo. But there are more superior romantic
poets than them. Teach me about your music.
Perhaps, I can show a more profound world of
poetry. How about that for a start? Tnx.

(how about that for a lame, geekish small talk? :P)


Subject: hi........

Message: aileen
can u be my freinds?

(can you fix your grammar first?)


Subject: hello!!!!!!!!!!!

Message: I saw your profile.... I think u are nice and
> a very interesting kind of person. Don’t worry,
> hindi kita message para magpacute lang just for
> u to add me in your friends list or anything.
> just a feeling na I want to know u more, ok
> ba?
> Hey, you are very open to what you want and i
> really like that.. Anyways.. hope i can get to
> know you more...
> Your pic is nice but I am more interested
> with the person writing all this facts in
> life...damn... i will never find someone like
> you nowadays...
> Well i have to end this now, i maybe
> taking so much of your time... thanks anyway.
> maybe i will send you a message again.
> Its ok if you wont answer back... thank you

(This one, I've got to commend though for creativity... Twas refreshing to read it amidst all the lame messages I got.)


Subject: just applying!

Message: i'm just wondering if you could possibly add me
as one of your friend?i know you have lots of
good and great pals. but would you consider to
try a new one like me!we might have different
views in life but we can have the same views
about frienship.You know in the rythm of life we
sometimes find ourselves out of tunes,but as
long as there's frienship which becomes our
melody,the music plays on can you be one of my
best songs?i'm not that totally good in english
but i can be a true&good friend!thanks for
reading my message hoping to consider me one of
your's my email
ad.God bless you
always and take care.

(hmm. 'last time I checked I did not announce any openings for application at Friendster.)


Strangeness. Why had all the weirdos suddenly come out of the woodwork? They're even fearlessly leaving their celfone nos. and landlines and email addys! Freaky! ;P

~* ODE TO ____ *~

I read this poem at Powerbooks two Saturdays ago while I was waiting for Rose & She at ATC.

I sooo adored this poem. *sigh* And I remember him...

Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That's all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and sigh.

~ William Butler Yeats, The Green Helmet and Other Poems (1910). A Drinking Song

Yes. Him. Grr noh?!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004


I can't believe I'm home already! I'm (un)fresh from the Linkin Park gig. I say unfresh coz I feel sticky from sweating it in the moshpit ;P

Mmmkay, lemme start. I bumped into Teena & Hogi at Greenbelt on my way to Glorietta to meet up with Omar who was coming with me to the LP gig. Twas sooo nice to see you Teena & Hogi! :) I miss u guys na! Hmm, which reminds me... Tere! You lucky gal you! How was it on the Silver section of the LP gig? ;)

Ok, back to LP stuff. As announced on the radio, the show promptly started at 8:30 pm. Twas coz they had a flight to catch right after the gig. Hong Kong gig up next, I think.

They pretty much sang every single. Twas probably a total of 18 songs. They didn't sing My December though :(. Hmm, lemme see if I am still sane enough to remember 'em now: Crawling, Papercut, Step Up (not in their album, twas in their EP sumthin from the early days of the band), It's Going Down (of course, sans the Executioners), With You, One Step Closer, In the End... Joe Hahn did some strains from the Reanimation album... that eerie violin intro/extro that they used in the Crawling Reanimated version... Somewhere I Belong, Numb, Faint... I can't remember now if it was Breaking The Habit or From the Inside wherein Mike Shinoda did the keyboards and then they intro'd it with a mellow/stripped down version of the song... Chester breaks into gentle vocals and then it built up to the original loud version of the song. Chester also sang a cover song... something that they don't usually do accdg. to him. Twas, hmmm, a Nine Inch Nails song or sumthin' I didn't catch what Chester said when he intro'd the song.

Chester Bennington was sooo skinny! I dunno what to call his hairstyle. It's somethin' of a mohawk but flattened such that he has bangs. It was also sorta like a mullet (?) sans the tail end of the hair. Anyway, he sooo rocked with all that trademark screaming of his. *Awww* Mike Shinoda was sooo adorably cute and still slightly pudgy. He still reminds me of Elmer Fudd :P. Joe Hahn sorta got slim. Still intense with the scratching, spinning and sampling thing. Phoenix is bald now. Brad looked like an Amish with his curly hair and beard. Rob was, hmm, still Rob. He didn't look any different to me.

The view from the moshpit as taken by my 6230...

'Twas absofreakinlutely fun to scream along with Chester and rap along with Mike Shinoda. LP rocks!!! Woohoo!!!

They didn't interact much with the audience except for the mandatory eliciting of lyrical/rapping screams from the left, right, all the way to the back. At one point, there was this lucky bastard who was invited by Chester up the stage and he had like 30-secs of fame bouncing around the stage... at some point, with Mike Shinoda's arms on his shoulders as they worked up the crowd as they were up on the little platform. Waaaah. Mike Shinoda's arm was on him! Huhuhu. I wish that was me! :(

They didn't adlib much in between songs. Twas pretty much like popping your Meteora and Hybrid Theory CDs -- but this time you are in the midst of a sweaty crowd, bouncing, headbanging, screaming, thrusting your fist every now and then up in the air. I settled on screaming my lungs out with Chester and rapping along with Mike as I headbanged, swayed and bounced a bit. It was way too tiring to keep bobbing up and down all throughout the gig.

Anyway, thank God it didn't rain!:) I was already envisioning myself jumping into the mud and getting soaked in the rain, with matching fear that my Nike Prestos would get totalled with all the mud in the moshpit. But it didn't rain! Yebbah.

The gig ended at 9:45pm. Bitin mehn!:( Good thing rin that I didn't shell out like almost 2K bucks for Gold seats. That would've been quite a rip off! Mike Shinoda did not even take off his shirt. Hayyy, sadness. (It's not like he has a nice bod... I don't think he's even got toned abs. I am just curious as to how he looks like shirtless. Hmmm. Ahh but he's got such a cute smiling chubby face. *Awww*)

Cutesy photos of Mike Shinoda (shame on me I'm stealing bandwidth! hehehe :p):


And I quote: "Hindi ka kasi geographically desirable eh." Whatdaaaaa?!?! @#%*!!! That was a crappy thing to say to me! Grrr. 'Hate it!

What IS the freakin' range of geographic desirability anyway?

Gaaah. Isn't that sad? True love that used to move mountains cease to exist in this ultra-modern world of convenience. I still consider myself pretty much traditional when it comes to these things. And I think it's such pogi-points for guys if they do not even think of how hard it is to get to your place. So f#@* it. I am doomed then. Nowadays, no one seems to be willing to endure a bit of sacrifice in the name of love. Oh well. Reality does bite huh.

Hmp. Will blog more and mention the damn name of the insensitive human who said this to me on my tabulas. Thank God for "Friends Only" entries there.

Grr. I still can't believe he had the gall to say that to me even if he thought it was a light/harmless little comment to say. We're not even close so I don't think that passes for hard cold truths that true friends say to each other! Grr. That totally sucked.

Sunday, June 13, 2004


In view of my current obsession over Damien Rice's music, I have changed this blog's background music. It may be too sappy for your taste but oh well, I like it ;P

The song you're hearing is his single entitled Cannonball. I hear a different version over the radio (Monster RX 93.1)... it's a much "fuller" and, if I recall right, non-acoustic version. However, my kazaa download and the track from the album itself is a "quieter" acoustic version.

there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it's still a little hard to say what's going on

there's still a little bit of your ghost your witness
there's still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
that i can't say what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

there's still a little bit of your song in my ear
there's still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that i can't see what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon...

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage
teach me to be shy
'cause it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna scare her
it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know.


The album inlay is quite artsy -- laden with paintings and sketches, handwritten lyrics overlay on the artworks.

Damien Rice's singing style is the weepy, breathy, screaming kind. It's the melancholic type of vocals. Female vocals is by Lisa Hannigan who kinda sounds like Tori Amos -- haunting, angelic, slightly raspy and somewhat breathy. There's a bit of Gregorian Chant-ish kind of creepy sound at the latter part of one of the songs (Cold Water) and a slightly comic-sounding diva-esque opera touch at the conclusion of Eskimo. There are some cello, piano and violin used in the album.

Damien Rice writes such poetic artsy lyrics which draws you into the darkness and/or sadness of his themes. Cannonball is a poignant poem as it is... Hearing the song itself is another level of beauty. Here are some lines off my other fave tracks:

and so it is
just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time
and so it is
the shorter story
no love no glory

~ the blower's daughter

cold cold water surrounds me now
and all i've got is your hand
lord can you hear me now?
or am i lost?

~ cold water

cheers darlin'
you give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away
and i die when you mention his name
and i lie i should have kissed you
when we were running in the rain
what am i darlin'?
a whisper in your ear?
a piece of your cake?
what am i darlin?
the boy you can fear?
or your biggest mistake?

~ cheers darlin'

More lyrics here.



Bought three new CDs last week...

1. Jimmy Bondoc's Musikero - He writes such poignant songs...*sigh*... Let Me Be the One, The Man I Was With You and Safe Place can make your heart ache and your eyes on the verge of tears.

2. Kyla's Not Your Ordinary Girl - I just luvvv this gal's cool breathy voice... I like her vocal affectations... I bought this CD primarily because of her versions of Human Nature (Michael Jackson), Make Me Whole (Amel Larrieux), and that old Gary V ballad that I sooo like, What More Can I Say. I keep skipping the Because of You track though ;)

3. Damien Rice's O - I sooo luvvv this album! If you like depressing, poignant, poetic music, you will like this relatively known Irish artist. I fell in love with the poetic lyrics of Cannonball which is the song that made me buy this album. I sooo like poetic sh*t. He sounds like a "weepier" version of Coldplay's vocalist, Chris Martin. The album sounds like a depressing Sarah McLachlan CD minus the piano, replaced by an acoustic guitar plus the cello, with male vocals interspersed with a bit of Tori Amos-like alternative vocals by Lisa Hannigan.

I have too much to say about this album... I'll make a separate post about it later...



My annoying old computer chair was finally "retired". I think we've had that computer chair eversince I was using the jurassic Wordstar and Lotus 123 software! Its screw-on little backrest kept falling off. I super-glued the screws but after a coupla weeks, it just gave up on me. After a coupla back-aching weeks marinating on the net with the poor old sucky computer chair, I finally bought myself a spankin' new, ass-pleasing comfy chair from Blims. Yebbah! It's got a full backrest and a wider seat so I can happily put my feet up on the seat as I vegetate by the monitor for hours. :)



I went along with my dad & mom to Metropolis as they bought *ackkk* pirated DVDs. I asked my mom to bring me to those tiangge stalls where she got her uber-cheap slip-ons. Whoopee! I can't believe they sell a pair of slip-on sandals for just 100 freakin' pesos! I got myself 2 pairs -- a white single strap slip-on with a silver rivet and a thin buckle and a cutesy thong-type pink and blue slip-on. I like wearing those things when I just go out to somewhere nearby like my sister's house, the church, the beauty salon, etc. Man, I can't believe I can still get something nice with a hundred bucks!



I have been feeling weird, down and unpretty these past few days. Plus I have been so booked for like 3 consecutive weekends that I haven't got the time to go to the salon. So this weekend, I finally had time to go to the friendly neighborhood salon.

I spent like 3.5 freakin' hours in the salon: had my hair cut and had it dyed into a shade called "dark blonde deep red". It is not exactly blonde, helloooo. It's actually more like dark brown with a reddish tinge. Goodbye boring black/brown layered hair! My copper brown cellophane has worn off and my layered hair has been sooo overgrown that I have been wearing my hair on a pony tail most of the time. I sooo felt like I had bad hair day every freakin' day. It is sooo time for a new hair! I was supposed to, hmmm, put up some pix here as I vainly took some self-portraits with my trusty N6230. But I was too inspired as I fiddled with 'em on Adobe Photoshop. So anyway, I ended up doodling with my brushes and here are my vain master*ackk*pieces:


Sidethought: (Is there such a word as sidethought? Anyway, who cares?! I can make up words anytime I want...) Grrr. I hope it won't rain on Tuesday night! It's gonna be the Linkin Park gig already! Oh please God, don't let 'em rain on my Meteora parade :( Pretty please?

Thursday, June 10, 2004


I have been feeling weird lately. I dunno. I feel happy, sad, scared, excited, hopeful, hopeless...

Today's Morning Rush topic was the Top Ten "The Only Thing Missing in My Life is...". Hah. I can think of only one answer. I suppose it's almost what everybody's searching for, but well, some of us aren't that lucky to find it. And sometimes it is so late in the game and you can't help but wonder if you have been meant to be left behind by the freakin' bus.

I think I feel weird because I am torn between being a jaded pessimist or a hopeful idealist.

I am reading "In the Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant now. My officemate Vic lent it to me with a Post-It that says: "Enjoy! Hope you find the right guy. But in the meantime..." Hmm. There. In the meantime, I am supposed to read this book ;P. It's a nice read and here are some lines that struck me:

"In the meantime, you must remember that just when things look like they are falling apart, they are actually falling into place -- the divine place they should be for everyone involved."

Okay. So this is where The Hopeful Idealist me comes in. I believe in God. And I believe that He has His Divine Plan for me. Everybody has given me that crappy line about the One coming into your life when you least expect it, the One being sent to you by God, the One you were meant to be with for the rest of your life... that thou shall not be impatient, thou shall wait, thou shall keep the faith.

At the darkest points of my life, I have asked God for guidance. I asked Him to show me what all this drama was all about. I sometimes console myself by thinking that all these sad tragic love affairs had happened for a reason. There, the biggest cliche of 'em all: Everything happens for a reason. And what freakin' reason is it, I dare ask? They say that when you finally find the One, all the tears, the pain and the suffering will all finally make sense. That all that sh*t you've gone through will be sooo worth it. You were meant to undergo hell so you can truly appreciate heaven. Or so they say. I have yet to debunk this theory that most hopeless romantics are led to believe.

"In the same way I would fight in my mind, I would fight my feelings. There are certain things I simply would not allow myself to feel. I would fight to hold it back. I would struggle to keep it from coming up and spilling across my lips. I would fight rather than feel, because I knew I could survive getting beat up. I did not know if I would survive going to the depths of my emotions. That, I am told, could blow your mind."

Ok now here's The Jaded Pessimist talking: I have gone through so much dramatic sh*t in my so-called love life that I think I have come to a point that I cannot take it anymore. I am tempted to command myself to NOT believe in that ever-elusive romantic crap that everyone has been dreaming to find all their life. I mean, why torture myself with dreaming about it? Hasn't what happened been enough proof that most of the time it's more of misses than hits? I think it's a defense-mechanism thing for me though.

I am scared of falling in love again and going through all that giddy hopeless romantic girly feelings. I think I wanna shift back to being the Ice Queen. When you have been hurt badly, it is but natural to protect yourself and be cautious as to whom you open your heart to. I do not want to unconsciously give anyone the power to hurt me again. I have promised myself that I should light up my own life and hold my happiness in my own hands. I must not depend on that crap about finding the One and living happily ever after. Love does not move in mysterious ways. If it does not move nor budge, it is simply just not meant to be. And being an adult, you should deal with that. It may be a bitter pill to swallow but I will chose it over having my heart torn to pieces at any given day.

They ask me if there is a spark. They ask me if I like him. Hell yes! But I do not want to fall into the traps of stupid great expectations that leave you high and dry. I keep telling myself that nice guys are exactly just that. It is suicide to ever hope that something will happen. I would rather set myself up for disappointment than hopelessly pine for someone whom I don't even know if he feels anything for me at all. I have learned my lesson from my college's ITY. I do not ever want to go into that road again.

Hmm. I wonder if age and experience has made me wiser or if it has made me cynical?

And don't you just hate it (and hmm, kinda love it at the same time -- 'gotta admit that!) how everything seems so contrived and/or forced? It cannot go on like this forever though.

It's so hard when you sooo want to get back into the game but you are sooo afraid. And so you build your little wall. Happy are those who get found by the One (especially sent by God to you) who'll understand how scared you are and will wholeheartedly reach out his hands and patiently wait until you take them and come out of your shell. Ahhh, now that's love right there.

Hmm. It's a scary big, big world out there.


Last Sunday, Charo and I went to Pulo, Cabuyao, Laguna to attend the baptism of Ajie & Eric's adorable healthy twins -- Elisha Aedrienne and Ezra Aedrielle.

Man, I AM really getting old! To date, I am now a godmother to three children. Charo and I are godmothers to the younger twin (Rielle). We spent our Sunday afternoon babysitting the twins and it was then that I realized that it is such a big job to be a mother! I was trying to put myself in my friend Ajie's place... she's a wife and a mother of twins now. Whoa. Such an adult thing to be! Twas then that I thought to myself that hey, I am freakin' old! I am twenty six and some of my friends are married already -- Aga & Jovan just got married this year while Ajie has been married for a year (I forget... has it been a year or two years already?) and has babies now! Ivy is also married! Wow. I suddenly felt kinda juvenile. Very weird.

As I was holding Rielle in my arms, I thought to myself: "Am I gonna be a mother like this someday?" "Will I be a good mom?" "Will I ever get married?" "Will I make a good wife?" "Will I ever have an S.O.?". Gaaah. Such burning questions... It just saddens and tires me at the same time to come up with answers to such ruminations.

Well anyway, enough of the quarter-life crisis questions. Here are our pictures as I held all 10lbs of baby Rielle for like an hour ('Swear she was oh-so-heavy nangalay my arms!) and Charo with the much lighter baby Rienne. **Haha, I was half-praying to myself and whispering to Rielle not to regurgitate on me! :P **

Gaah, notice the dark circles under my eyes? Yay, I went out on a G with my college friends Rose and She the night before at ATC... Had dinner and drinks at TGI Fridays. Hehe, I tried this drink called "Screaming Orgasm" (mix of Kahlua, Amaretto, and some other stuff I can't remember...) and I was asking the bartender if it came in shots or if it was like served in a tall cocktail glass. So first he said it was in a glass so I thought, whoa, not bad, lots to drink. But then after a few minutes he corrected himself and said it came in a jigger. So I told Rose: "Hmm, sabi na nga ba eh. I was surprised he said that it came in a glass. Coz orgasms don't usually last long diba? Quick lang sya diba? ;P " Hmm, my elementary dirty-mind analogy at work! HAH! So there. The Screaming Orgasm didn't last long. Hayyy. Sadness. But it's a good drink -- short and sweet. ;)

Holy cow, I can't believe I am talking about sex and wholesome babies all in the same post. Ngorks. Sorry if it may seem totally inappropriate ;P

Saturday, June 05, 2004


I am re-posting this from Lucy's blog . She found this in this gal's blog.

Gaaah, I'm a sucker for mushy stuff like this!;P


"...dreams of a future never found; memories of a past still sweet..."

isn't that the saddest thing? i hope life never brings me to the point where i would actually say that. i suddenly had a very vivid (and very paranoia-inducing) image of myself 60 years from now - old, gray, and lonely - sitting by the window with ugly lines etched on my decrepit face, and nothing to show for my completely wasted life but pain and frustration and regret. not a very comforting idea.

however, as i push the highly disturbing thought out of my head, a new picture pops in: me, still old and gray and ugly, but this time, sitting beside a man, (equally old and gray and ugly, mind you), laughing over freshly-baked cookies as we reminisce over our younger, naughtier days, his boyish eyes twinkling under white bushy eyebrows, wordlessly telling me how happy he is to be spending the rest of his days with me.

mushy, i know. forgive me for that.

but then, who could resist the thought of being with someone who would love you when you're a wrinkly 80-year old as much as he did when you were a hot 18-year old? sige nga.

and don't be so cruel as to brush me off as some feeling-wise little girl. i'm not being naive. i'm pretty much aware of the fact that the love you have today may very well be gone tomorrow. no matter how perfect you think you are for each other, there is no certainty, no assurance that your "lasting power" will...well, last. there are so many possibilities for screw-ups: meeting someone else in school, falling for a co-worker, realizing that you've been in love with someone else all along, noticing how incompatible you are, suddenly not being able to get along as well as you used to, and the list goes on. you can never be completely sure that you're "meant to be". depressing, isn't it?

i scoff at couples who claim that their love is eternal. that's plain bull. i do admire, however, those who proudly tell others that "our love may not be absolutely perfect, but we can make this work as long as we both want to".

you see, feelings do fade. and that's already assuming you do feel something more than mere attraction. that's why childhood sweethearts don't always end up marrying each other, that's why monica and itos didn't get back together in the breakup diaries, that's why kris left joey. when you start seeing the not-so-rosy side of his character, feelings won't make everything easier to bear. you would be needing something a lot stronger. you need patience. you need forgiveness. you need to agree to stick with each other, and to stand by that decision firmly no matter what life throws your way.

you need to stop pestering God for signs (i know, i've done this, and he always replies with a gentle but final "you have to decide for yourself, my child), and berating him for always giving you the "wrong" ones. the wrong people are whoever you want them to be, in the same way that the right person is whoever you make him.

well, yes, i'm still a huge fan of destiny and serendipity and all that shit. i honestly believe that there is always someone for everybody. but i won't get my old/gray/ugly man if i rely on fate alone. it can only get me as far as the part where the prince meets the princess. the rest of the story, including the happy ending, is entirely up to me.

basically, what i'm getting at is this: that grow-old-with-you setup is not an easy thing to achieve. for some people, it may not even be a possibility.

so why bother at all?

we bother because although a lifetime of true happiness is not a certainty, neither is a lifetime of pure sorrow.

we bother because it will always be better to regret having done something than to regret NOT having done anything.

we bother because in the end, everyone hopes and dreams and wishes for the same thing - the time that "seldom comes but once in any life; the magical moment which bestows youth on the old, beauty on the plain, wealth on the poor, and gives human hearts a foretaste of heaven".

i rest my case.

*aww* from Love Actually


'Watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with officemates (Bianx, Vic, Jeco, Rico, Ge, Luigi, Vicky, Wilma, Radmar, Cherry, etc) last night.

I liked it! I'm not much of a Harry Potter freak like *ehem* Abbie here but I liked it :) I sooo like Ron Weasley's wimpy character. He is sooo cute when he's so scared ;P And Hermione, wow, that gal kicks ass! Ooh, and I luv her pink sweater! Hmm, Harry Potter... well Radcliffe is turning out to be a cute kid but he's not my type.

Went to 20/20 at Bellvue, Alabang after watching HP at Greenbelt 3. Was with Bianx, Vic, Jeco, Rico, Ge and Luigi. Hmm. Had kamikaze, sipped some Weng Weng and then half a bottle of Vodka Ice. Verrrry naughty/sleazy/comic conversations! HAH!;P

Twas a fun night. More to blog in tabulas...;P


And I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day. ~ Under the Bridge, Red Hot Chili Peppers

He sooo reminds me of ITY. Which is why I fear this.

We (ITY & I) had our cozy moments but until the end, he was still just Mr. Nice Guy and we were still just friends.

After I watched a DVD this morning, I went up to my room. And then I started to cry. This painful, spontaneous weeping. I think I wanted to do this last night when I got home but I think I was too tipsy/sleepy to think about crying and to actually figure out what's bothering me.

I hate this. I fear this. Coz he is Mr. Nice Guy. And life has taught me that Mr. Nice Guys are exactly that. Nice to you. Do not ever carry that illusion that he has feelings for you. HE IS JUST BEING NICE. F@#% that, right? That's how cruel this world is. Slap me with another one of 'em nice guys who will just break my heart without them actually knowing that they did.

I hate this.

Why is there so much freakin' drama going on with my life?!

It sooo sucks. It sooo f@#%ing sucks.


There are loves lost, there are loves gained
every minute, every heartbeat
Hearts bleed, lips lock

I shall never know the answer
that everyone seeks to find
Like everyone else who died without knowing
I shall carry on but forever wonder
why some loves work and some loves don't.


The blistered heart festers in the darkness of being alone
It bleeds tears of broken dreams
Lovingly seduced and pitifully forgotten
The carcass of Cupid lies unwanted
In the morning, when the golden rays bathe the souls
this heart will no longer lie where it once were
It shall lie tormented among the ruins
Surrendering to the cruel battle of loving you for nothing.


Gaah. The incessant rain is not doing my mood any good.


I was just reminded of Pablo Neruda's poems last night. Here are some excerpts of my fave works of Neruda:

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you, little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me,
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.


I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.


I like for you to be still:
it is as though you were absent,
and you hear me from far away
and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.


If you want to read more Neruda, my fave ones are here.

Rain, rain go away please.

Friday, June 04, 2004


'Got this smart-ass quote from my high school egroups today:

Never hold your farts in.
They travel up your spine, into your brain,
and that's where shitty ideas come from.

Yebbah. 'Luv it ;P

Wednesday, June 02, 2004


No, this is not a post about a message from the Great Divine. It's the title of the mp3 that you're hearing on this blog.

I discovered this gem of a song from Felicity (Season 2). I vaguely remember the scene: Felicity is at the rooftop, looking onto the horizon (or was she looking down at the street below?). Anyway, she was in this contemplative mood. Episode specs are here .

The rules have changed
I'm not the same girl as I used to be
And it's getting better to be stronger
And now the day has died
When I wore my hatred like a badge of pride
So pinch me if I'm dreaming

And when I saw her
I knew her
I watched her as she pushed the plate away
Should I save her
Should I get down on my knees and pray

Free her today
Send her a message from heaven
She's got so much to say
And she's beautiful
Free her today
Send her a message from heaven
Before she throws it all away
Tell her she's beautiful

It's the cruelest game
When you can't see Eden for all of your shame
And it's just so damn hard getting stronger
But I know now, there's a place inside
And it holds a flame that never dies
And the longer it burns the brighter it shines

So when I saw her
I knew her
I understood the hateful things she'd say
And I spoke to her
I got down on my knees and prayed for her life

You know her name
You know her name
Sister, if you've been where I've been
You know her name

Free her today
Send her a message from heaven
She's got so much to say
And she's beautiful
Free her today
Send her a message from heaven
Before she throws it all away
Tell her she's beautiful
Tell her, tell her...

Free her today
Send her a message from heaven
'Cause she's so beautiful...

~ Message From Heaven, Judith Owen

Tuesday, June 01, 2004


I just realized this when I heard "Accidentally In Love" in Chico and Delamar's morning radio show awhile ago.

What's with me and Counting Crows movie theme songs?!

Big Yellow Taxi = Two Weeks Notice
Accidentally in Love = Shrek 2

Oh man, please let not this be a bad omen :(



Since ALMOST everyone I know is over at tabulas anyway, I thought, hmm, I might as well make an account there...

Forces of Nature: Go make an account there so you can hear the entire story about ____ and _____ and whathaveyous. I have YM'd you my URL already.

Akakada: Haha, most of you ARE over there already! *Goooo add me...*

I am sooo itching to mention names here (but I SOOO CANNOT!:P) and I guess I can do it over there with that nifty "friends only" thingiemajig that I have been hearing about. *gaah, if only blogspot had that :(*

So there. I can blog as schoolgirlishly as I want there. Hiyuuuck. Sappy, corny and all... I can write nauseatingly giddy entries there without having to bleep names. HAH! ;P