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Saturday, December 13, 2003


Argghh. I haven't been in an AKAfellas gig for a long time now. 'Not distracted anymore!!! Haven't had my sugar-rush 'fellas lately. And so in random moments of stillness, his memory haunts me. I still miss him terribly. I don't know if he knows it. Well I texted him tons of times when I was in Baguio and we had a pretty decent chat but... NOTHING.

Leaving is sad when he didn't even know you stayed.

I recall when you said that you would never leave me
You told me more, so much more like when the time you whispered in my ear
It was heaven in my heart
I remember when you said that you'll be here forever

Then you left without even saying that you're leaving
I was hurt and it really won't be easy to forget yesterday
And I prayed that you would stay
But then you're gone and oh so far away

I was afraid this time would come
I wasn't prepared to face this kind of hurting from within
I have learned to live my life without you
Maybe I'll just dream of you tonight
And if into my dream you'll come and touch me once again
I'll just keep on dreaming til my heartaches end.

~ Til My Heartaches End, Ella Mae Saison

I pretend to be okay with it. I pretend that I have forgotten. I pretend that I don't wish, in every breath I take, that he will come back.

Saying goodbye
Is never an easy thing
But you never said
That you'd stay forever.
So if you must go,
Oh darling I set you free,
But I know in time
We'll be together

I won't try
To stop you now from leaving
Coz in my heart I know

Love will lead you back,
Someday I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms,
Where you belong
I'm sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again, it won't be long,
One of these days our love will lead you back.

One of these nights,
I'll hear your voice again,
And you're gonna say,
how much you missed me.
You'll walk out this door,
But someday you'll walk back in,
And darling I know
I know this will be.

Sometimes it takes,
Sometime your on your own now
To find your way back home...

~ Love Will Lead You Back, Taylor Dayne

I don't want to wait in vain for his love. My mind is willing, but my damn stubborn heart is weak.

And so I pretend that I am happy and content. Everyday, I sing a lonely song in a happy tune. I make sarcastic remarks, I laugh at the hilarious, I post fun cutesy stuff on the message board, I scream cheers... But I sing a lonely song in a happy tune.

Days swiftly come and go
I'm dreaming of (him)...
... Emotions they stir
The sun is gone
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise...

~ Swing, Swing, All-American Rejects