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Sunday, June 15, 2003

Yes. I'm in a sad/bitchy mood now. Pardon me while I burst into flames.

Tea and Sympathy. I wonder why we tried for things that could never be. (Jars of Clay)

I have just gotten sick of thinking about it all the time. It's so f@*#ng tormenting that I am beginning to hate all this bull. It's just a freakin waste of energy. I have gotten so tired. So tired. I quit, I give up. There is nothing good for anybody else...

I wish he just left me alone in the first place. He has freakin f@*#ed up my life big time. Dammit.

Losing my grip. Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby? Why'd you turn away, is what I have to say. I was left to cry there, waiting outside there, grinning with a lost stare. That's when I decided why should I care coz you weren't there when I was scared. I was so alone. Yeah, you need to listen... I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone. Crying out loud, I'm crying out loud. Damn, that Avril Lavigne girl writes such great angsty music. Great for singing along with when you're feeling all shitty.

Why do guys do that "love 'em and leave 'em bullshit"? I hate this. I f@*#ing hate this. I thought I was gonna get fixed, but it turned out I just got broken again. Poetic bullshit.

Wow. Isn't it just peachy -- how he is having his nervous breakdown while I am getting my fix of emotional breakdown? Don't you just hate it when life poops on your parade?

Gee, care for a fake smile? I'm flashing it now straight at yah.

La Cienega Just Smiled. I love this Ryan Adams song. In fact, I love most of Ryan Adam's songs that got played in Felicity. This guy is good. Queue him on your Winamp and, voila, great soundtrack for crying and/or deep contemplation.

... And raise my glass 'cause either way I'm dead
Neither of you really help me to sleep anymore
One breaks my body and the other breaks my soul
La Cienega just smiles as it waves goodbye
"Ah the it comes again"

How'd I end up feeling so bad
For such a little girl
And I hold you close in the back of my mind
Feels so good but damn it makes me hurt
And I'm too scared to know how I feel about you now
How I feel about you now
La Cienega just smiles and says, "I'll see you around"

It's Harder Now That It's Over. Another tear-jerker from Ryan Adams. This was the song being played while Ben Covington reads Felicity Porter's letter. It's raining hard outside. Tracks of rain on his window pane. You see him lying on his bed. Tormented. Couldn't sleep. Felicity tosses and turns as well on the other side of New York. They are so broken up at this point. This was "The Storm" episode.

'Cause honey it's over now
It's harder now that it's over
It's harder now that it's over
Now that the cuffs are off
And you're free
You're free with a history

I heard your wrists got bruised
Must've felt just like old times
I wish you would've grabbed the gun
And shot me 'cause I died
And I'm nothing now without you
yeah, I'm less than nothing now
I'm the one between the bars and lost forever now
'Cause honey it's over
It's harder now that its over.

Tomorrow. Avril Lavigne again. Softer this time...

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change.

The Day You Went Away. Now this is the ultimate heartbroken's song. Anthem material. Really. *cringe* Triple cringe. By Wendy Matthews...

Hey, does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind?
I was only ever running back to your side
I never cried, I just watched my life go by
It's just a pack of lies,
'cause you're leaving me behind

Why, after this long is there nothing I'll keep
Oh, I can shout
you'll pretend you're falling asleep
I live a lie, yeah, believing that you're mine
It's just a waste of time
'cause you're leaving me behind

Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
It's as blue as your goodbye
and I thought that it would rain
on a day like today
Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
it's as blue as your blue goodbye
and I thought that it would rain
the day you went away...

Hurt Before. By The Corrs. I listen to this when I'm sick of Sarah McLachlan... Time for more poetic bull... *fake grin*fake grin*

She's a girl in a world, she's moving as fast as she goes
Loves her mom and her dad, the only secure that she knows
But at night, she's alone, she's dreaming of somebody new
Her someone for to hold, she's praying the dream will come true

Show me the way, show me, show me how
Help me be brave for love
Show me the way, show me, tell me how
What do you say

There's a pain in her heart, she's trying so hard to unwind
Makes her cry in the night, when visions so real make her blind
Wants to break through the the fear
Erasing the scars from within
Start a new kind of being
She's down and she's praying again

You see she's turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the rollercoaster world
Stepping outside, with body and soul
Taking whatever future holds
Turning the key, unlocking the door
Embracing the rollercoaster world
Take it in stride, you're just twenty-five
And you know we've all been hurt before

Yeah we've all been hurt before
So you're not alone... no...
You're not alone...