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Wednesday, June 04, 2003

And these are the nights I subsist on Sarah McLachlan... lonely, lonely nights.

So he doesn't answer me again. Oh well. Strange. Like I'm talking to nobody. I tried God. I did try.

"I never would have opened up but you seemed so real to me
after all the bullshit I've heard it's refreshing not to see
that I don't have to pretend
he doesn't expect it from me.
So don't tell me I haven't been good to you
don't tell me I haven't been there for you
just tell me why nothing is good enough."

~ Good Enough, Sarah McLachlan, Mirrorball

My favorite crescent moon is up. There's a tiny solitary star right above it. So far away. So painfully far away. They look breath-taking together when you look up the night sky. But they're so far away...

"A breath between us could be miles
Everytime I'm close to you, there's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
And I forgot to tell you I love you
and the night's too long and cold here without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the words to say i need you so. "

~ I Love You, Sarah McLachlan, Mirrorball

Is it always supposed to hurt like this? Why does this always have to happen to me? I run blind and I fall deep. But I did choose this path, suffice it to say. But indeed, to choose love is to choose pain. Those are the two sides of the coin. That is an unescapable truth.

"Fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
this yearning to be near you
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have the sense to recognize
but I don't know how to let you go."

~ Do What You Have To Do, Sarah McLachlan, Mirrorball

When I was around 14, I used to believe that love does hurt. And when it does, you just have to love some more until the hurting stops.

"Hold on, hold on to yourself for this is gonna hurt like hell
You know that only time can tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier than the real thing."

~ Hold On, Sarah McLachlan, Mirrorball

"There's always one reason to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless
and maybe I'll find some peace tonight
It doesn't make no difference
escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness
oh, this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees."

~ Angel, Sarah McLachlan, Mirrorball