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Sunday, October 17, 2004


It was as if I knew it was easy choosing between the two and actually making the decision. Theoretically, in a perfect world, happiness is the ultimate goal of every human being. Ahhh. The bittersweet pursuit of happiness. I am surprised at how easy my advice rolled out of my tongue. I was listening to the problems of my 30-yr old officemate who was torn between two lovers. Guy #1 was her ex. They've been together for like around 2-3 years. He was a guy with a happy disposition. He has a good job. The catch here is that the guy's family, esp. his mother, is not so fond of my officemate. Marriage was such an issue because the guy seems to have to please everyone esp. his mother. Therein lies the potential marriage problem. This guy didn't seem to have the balls to fight for their relationship. Guy #2 was a bit older guy. He had a mature, serious disposition. He can be funny at times but most of the time he was daddy-ish in terms of behavior. She met him months after she broke up with Guy #1. They've been together for around 3 months. This guy was the type who spoke in terms of "we" and he seems to be in the direction of marrying her. However, he has trouble totally giving his all-out affection for my officemate because he claims he is scared that he'd get bitten again (he almost got married but his fiance ditched him for another guy). This is the third time (more or less) that my officemate has broken up with Guy#2. Guy #1 still loves her and wants to prove his worth again. Guy#2 also wants her back.

My officemate is pretty confused with the whole thing. I kidded her to make a SWOT analysis of the two guys to help her in deciding which guy to choose. I asked her questions like "Kanino ka mas happy?" "Sinong mas emotionally-mature?" "Sinong gusto ng mom and kapatid mo?" "Who's more stable?" "Do you see yourself growing old with him?". I would rather let her realize by herself what she really wants than point out who I was rooting for. I asked her what was most important to her: happiness or security? The dilemma is whether you think with your heart or with your brain. To think with your heart would mean to choose happiness while to think with your brain would mean to logically choose security.

I am a hopeless romantic and I root for genuine love and happiness. After all, isn't that what all of us have always been searching for? One's meaning and purpose as a person is only as good as having that hand to hold and shoulder to lean on forever. You can bear domestic problems and hardships for you know that someone will be holding your hand and will be willing to go through hell with you. This may bash the state of being single but I do not want to be a hypocrite and lie that I am happy being unattached. Singleness is a bitter pill I've swallowed. I have maximum tolerance for things, as Abbie had said in one of her Friendster testimonials for me. But being at this age when some of my friends are married and have kids, I can't help but be pressured and sulk at why the hell I am so off-track when it comes to that department. I'd want someone to be there for me and be my last call of the day but God, who seems to have other plans, instead, decided that it is in my best interest to prolong my suffering and lonesomeness. See, that's another thing. I have been consoling my officemate all the while with bullsh*t cliches that I would not even want to hear someone say to me. But cliches do become the cliches they are because there is truth to them. I told her that things happen for a reason... that there is a purpose why someone comes into our life... that there are lessons to be learned in every relationship. I envy her a bit because in a span of a year, she is now on the verge of being enlightened by the purpose of all the crapdom she has experienced. As for me... helloooo?! I've been having a sh*tty love life since high school! How freakin' long must I hold the Drama Queen throne?

Oh well. I have digressed quite a bit now. 'Got a wee-bit emotional there! Let me get back on track... Soooo. Happiness vs. Security? I choose happiness.


stellar said...

you know what? i also think about that stuff every now and then most esp. in making decisions. it's quite hard to choose between the true coz yes its really like battling your mind and heart.awww.but i agree with you, i'd rather choose to be REALY happy coz sometimes securtiy doesn't mean *even close to* hapiness. btw, how young are u na ba? don't be so sad if u're still single. *nagsalita ang may alam* ako 18 pa lang pero i've never had a boyfriends.*share ko lang* may mga nanligaw pero wala eh.laging nagkakaproblema.ung tipong parang ayaw pa talaga ng tadhana.i also feel sad sometimes kase i feel incomplete din.but then i've learned about single blessedness from my lang, siya kase 27 na siya nung 1st time niyang nagka bf.hindi naman daw siya nagmadali or nalungkot dahil baka ang gusto no God sa kanya ay single blesedness. un..just a thought. i always think about it kase. ^_^ have a lovely day!

~*lilacstardust*~ said...

i'm 27 ;-)

ya know at this point, i realized that i still haven't found what i'm looking for... so i stopped looking na.