<bgsound src=''></bgsound>

Tuesday, October 14, 2003


Disclaimer: I did not write the article below but I might as well had written it. My sentiments exactly... well, except for some minor parts of the author's outbursts.

Please do not think me immature if I can't work on being friends with you anymore, although I know it was I who wanted to nurture the friendship in the first place.

I have decided that I do not want to have any kind of connection with you. Let me make it clear that I am not angry with you because you left me. Why should I force myself on someone who does not want me? If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. What angers me is that you lied to me. To tell you the truth, the discovery of your deception devastated me more than the breakup. I never thought you could do that. Of all your traits, I admired your honesty and sincerity the most. I always thought you would never lie to me or hide anything.

But all that is in the past. I don't want to be bitter anymore because I want to remember the times we spent together without wanting to puke. But it's such a waste, right? We had so many wonderful and super-fun times together.

To cope, I have decided to make believe that the person I fell in love with died. He went away to the province for a vacation and died there. The person who came back was a different man I didn't know.

This way, I can remember "him" and the good times with tenderness and without anger. I know it's childish, but that's me.

Why should I make my life miserable thinking that the person I loved so much betrayed me? I can't handle that.

Wouldn't it be better to think that the person you fell in love with died, instead of becoming a monster? It's not his fault he died and I can hold on to the idea that he wanted to come back to me but just couldn't.

And so, I don't have to feel anything when I see you. Not regret, not sadness, not even yearning. You're not the person I fell in love with. I don't even have to say "hi" because I don't even know you.

It's just like in the movie Life is Beautiful. There will be things, people and situations that will really make your life wretched, but it's up to you whether you let these ruin you. It's up to you to make your life "beautiful". This is my way of making my life beautiful.

I fell in love with a wonderful person. He will always have a special place in my heart and I'll remember the fun times we had together. But I know he's never coming back and it's time to go. It's time to move on.

But you... you have betrayed me. I don't know you. I don't have to see you for the rest of my life. I have no connection whatsoever with you. You can do the same if you want. If I caused you pain, just pretend that I got stung by a jellyfish and died, or I was just a bad dream. It's up to you--be creative.

My last request is to respect the memories of the relationship of the person you once loved. Leave the memories to those who will truly cherish them. Don't allow them to be tarnished by others through their curiosity and careless prying. Keep them special by not making them part of your "hot seat" or "truth or dare" games. They are stories meant to be enjoyed by people who care, not by people who are just plain nosy.

When we see each other in the future (which I doubt will ever happen), let's pretend it's our first meeting. Wouldn't that be so much fun?

You might call this denial. Maybe, but how else can I protect myself? How can I keep myself from being traumatized by love, from becoming cynical? How can I keep my faith in love, which is something marvelous?

Crazy? Weird? Whatever. That's the "me" you fell in love with.