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Friday, August 08, 2003

~* I Shall Believe*~

Sheryl Crow hums in the tormented recesses of my soul tonight... Sad, sad night still. As always... Every night is still a torture to live by. God, I feel like hell tonight...

God I feel like hell tonight
The tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man...

Well , nothing's true , and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
'Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man...

Lie to me, I promise I'll believe
Lie to me, but please don't leave
Don't leave...

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
Just try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man..

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Would you be man enough to be my man..
Lie to me, I promise I'll believe
Lie to me, but please don't leave.

~ Strong Enough*, Sheryl Crow

* This used to be my T2 song. Now it's my goddamn Hero song. Aaaackkk. 'Just goes to show how I managed to get hit by the damn lightning twice at the same place. Now isn't that just peachy or what. *fake grin*

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

~ I Shall Believe, Sheryl Crow

I think I have totally lost faith in everything I deluded myself to believe in. Goddamn fairytales. Oh f*ck it. That never happens.

I thought last year: I have grown tired of waiting and searching. Gave up on love. I've set myself up for disappointment so that there will be less tears, less pain when the thing I fear most actually happens.

Now why is there still so much tears and so much pain right now? I thought I have braced myself for this emotional sh*thole. But dammit, I can never give myself a real good fake pep talk to turn me into a fake strong person. Coz I am not. And I guess I never will be ever strong for love. I am a victim of my own weakness. Walking wounded alone.

This is turning out longer than I expected...

It was inside that I cried
No long drawn out speeches
No sad tear solves goodbye
It was inside that I cried
Don't be deceived by what you saw
It was inside that I cried.

~ Inside that I Cried

Though we both know that the worst part about it
Is I would be free when you wanted me

~ Man on the Side, John Mayer

Stop, World. I wanna get off. Like, right now.