<bgsound src=''></bgsound>

Sunday, January 16, 2005


Have you ever seen the movie "Groundhog Day"? I feel exactly like that. But it's more like experiencing a groundhog year and not a day for I am in the same kind of sh*thole as I was a year ago. Isn't that, uhh, annoying to say the least?

To write about how I feel would render my blog redundant. Take a look at my blogspot archives... that's almost exactly how I am going about my meanderings these days.

As much as possible, I do not want to talk about it anymore. I did not even make kwento to my other friends about it. It is extremely touching and sweet though of some of my close friends who asked me a coupla times last week if I was okay.

I have drowned myself with work last week. I stayed up til 3am for three consecutive days to do the graphics on our company newsletter wherein I am the layout/art director. In some unguarded moments though, the bullsh*t memories still sneak up on me. Hate it, hate it.

I do not exactly know what the hell to do now but I know that no amount of going out for dinner and wine with friends, watching the Akafellas and being with the akakadas or going reggae-dancing on smoky Xaymaca will make any life-altering difference. I will still be the same emotional wreck as I was after all that artificial bliss and crafty diversion.

Sometimes I wish there was something like that "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" thingiemajig in real life. Eradicating your entire memory of someone. Being completely free from every shared moment with that person. Totally forgetting as if you never knew them in this lifetime at all. However, as much as I would like to forget the person, I would not want to lose the lesson. Because forgetting the lesson would mean having myself commit the same shitty mistakes that I did before. Forgetting the lesson would render all my past pains and sufferings wasted. And I do not want that. What then, would be the purpose of all that major crapdom?

In one of those top 10s, someone said that the bitter, jaded ones used to be the most romantic people in the world but something happened along the way which turned them into cold jaded biatches. Now excuse me while I go the Ice Queen's way...

Lost for you, I'm so lost...for you... ~ Crash into Me (Dave Matthews Band)

I don't know if I've ever been really loved by the hand that's touched me... ~ Push (Matchbox