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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

~* BORED OUTTA MY WITS (subtitle: ABOUT THE ONE and PDA'ing) *~

Okay, I am freakin' bored now. I have read everyone's blogs and the AKAfellas forum posts and logged on oh-so-slow Friendster and went on stalker mode. *wink, wink* Gaah, I miss huggy-wuggy Robi's hugz. Huhuhuhu. A dose of Robi's hugz a day keeps my blues away. Hayyy. I only get to listen to him when he's boarding over at Wave. Hay, I reaaaallllly miss the guy! I wish I had an older brother like him. Sooo lambing. Errmm, well yeah, I am actually older than him by 2 years but I feel like he's such a kuya to me.

Gaaah. I haven't been to an AKAfellas gig for a long time now. I can't even make it at the Podium gig this Fri coz I have a derma appointment. I hate this bleepin' hot summer! I am breaking out with zits again. Argghhhhh. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

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I have mastered the art of eating small McDo fries with 3 sachets of ketchup while standing up and falling in line at the Park Square 2 terminal. Man, I luvvv heaps of tomato ketchup.

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This is an absolutely senseless post. Thank you for bearing with me ;)

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Okay, I am on senti/drama queen mode now. Let me emote to the max...

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My officemate who just had a month-old devastating break-up said to me (out-of-the-blue): "Uy, ipagdasal mo ko ha..." I asked why. She said she just feels sooo down, she like kinda blames herself at how stupid she was to fall for the guy who wasn't really committed to marrying her. I told her that she shouldn't dwell on it; let go; and don't blame herself for what happened. And then she says: "Hay buti ka nga nka-get over na dun sa guy na yun eh" (she was talking about The Guy Who Just Went Away Suddenly/The Guy Who Broke My Heart the Baddest. I actually started this blog to vent out my heartaches last year. If you want to know my entire tragic drama queen story, you just have to read my archives.) I replied: " Hindi rin noh. Nagpapatawa lang ako pero hindi pa ko over him." Yeah. Heartbreaks are really sad. Ho-hum. Oh but life must go on. The world does not stop for my grief. I just keep going by distracting myself, diverting my attention and really trying to find ways to be happy. I wish I could say I am genuinely happy but I am not. "The key to happiness is self-delusion," said Dogbert (Dilbert comic strip) so there... I distract myself with things like my beloved fellas and akakadas and web designing. I put my passion in something else/someone else. Distractions are welcomed comforts. And I keep singing to myself: "Even if there is pain now, everything will be alright..." Oh and then I have this stupid infatuation thing that has boomed from a tiny lil minor crush back in Dec 2003.

I am eternally afraid that there may not be anyone out there for me. Like, maybe I was tragically destined to be the Queen of Unrequited Love??? It terrifies me to think that THE ONE will never ever come along at all. I fervently wish that HE is THE ONE because I can see God's beauty in him. Seems to me that he's got almost everything that I'm looking for in a guy. Take note, SEEMS. Coz I don't really know him well... but then, I'm on stalker mode on his Friendster. He reminds me of my Greatest Crush back in college. That Greatest Crush dude has everything I want. He was my "benchmark" for my crushes who came after him. He will forever be my greatest crush... The One I Never Got.

Let's see. It's been almost a year since my tragic heartbreak. I really thought that that guy was THE ONE, but I was wrong. I am too freaked out to be involved in a guy again but at the same time, I really wish I am. I want my first and last call of the day. I've been praying for a long time for God to send me THE ONE. The one who will make all my tears and pain worth it. The one who will make me not be afraid to fall in love again. The one with whom I will feel totally comfortable with. The one who will love the crescent moon on starry starry nights like I do. The one who will love to simply just talk and bond about anything under the sun. The one whose warm embrace will make me feel protected from this damn cruel world. The one who will eat food in my plate that I don't eat and who'll gladly share his red/green bell peppers to me when we eat curry or anything with bell peppers just simply because he knows I luv 'em. The one who will promise to hold my hand forever. The one who will be the other half of my soul that will make me inexplicably complete. The one who will stop my searching. The one whose hands fit perfectly with mine. The one who will never ever break my heart. The one who will make me genuinely happy... blissfully ecstatic... and unfathomably euphoric for the rest of my life.

Gaaah. I am so tired God, so tired that I sometimes don't believe in love anymore. That sometimes I just wanna bitch-slap those PDA'ing couples who totally have no breeding whatsoever to actually know that PDA is abhorring. Especially when they are sitting right across me in my shuttle back home which lasts for about an hour or so. And they don't feel the evil stare I was giving them because they are just sooo all over each other that it makes me wanna throw up or maybe bang their heads together permanently since they keep smooching every other second anyway.

Whew. It was nice to vent.

Thank you for patronizing my beeotchy blog.


3 comments:

evy said...

hayyyy.....i really feel for you....i love reading ur blog...i can feel every word that u write i hope i can write a sensible blog just like yours...
don't lose hope..God moves in mysterious ways...who knows THE ONE ur looking for for so long now might just be around the corner..wish u good luck...
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~*lilacstardust*~ said...

hi evy! thanks for the nice words :)

evy said...

ur welcome...i really love your thoughts ..it's just that i have such a lonely/boring life(ooopsss sorry for the term..) just like yours,btw, we're of same age but i'm unhappily married..tooo bad isn't it?? :-(