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Saturday, February 07, 2004


I popped in the "The Way We Were" DVD this afternoon. I was so curious about why this movie was a classic coz Carrie Bradshaw and the rest of the SATC girls made a reference to it in one episode (I think in Season 3... when Big got married to Natasha). "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell." Gaaah. That scene made my heart ache like hell. And then the theme song's poignant notes float in the air. Gaaah. Kill me now, why don't you.

Another super tear-jearking scene was that part when Katy called up Hubbell, begging for him to come over coz she can't sleep, that she needed someone to talk to about those things, about someone they both knew, she said he was her best friend and it was so dumb how she was calling him up... I totally related to that scene. Like, isn't it sad that when you have so much pain in your heart, the only person you want to talk to who can stop your crying is exactly the same person who made you cry? Gaaah. *sob*sob*

And ooh, I just realized that Robert Redford is indeed once a hottie. It's a shame he's old and wrinkled like a sharpe now. He did look sorta Brad Pitt-ish... blonde hair, blue eyes, charming smile. He reminded me of Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black.

And oh, I love that Katy-crossing-the-street scene. "What are you celebrating?" Katie asks Hubbell who was drinking beer. "Getting you to cross the street," Hubbell replies.

And the break-up scene:

Hubbell: Look, Katy, I--
Katy: Oh God, please don't start a sentence with "look" -- it's always bad news.


Katy: Wouldn't it be lovely if we were old? We'd have survived all this. And everything would be easy and uncomplicated, the way it was when we were young.
Hubbell: Katy, it was never uncomplicated.
Katy: But it was lovely. Wasn't it?
Hubbell: Yes. It was lovely.

I love the film. It's so mushy, it really made me cry. Such heart-wrenching mush.

Memories light the corner of my mind.
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were.

Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind,
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were.

Can it be that it was all so simple then,
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again,
Tell me, would we? Could we?

Memories may be beautiful and yet,
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget.
So it's the laughter
We will remember,
Whenever we remember
The way we were.

The way we were.

~ The Way We Were, Barbra Streisand

Gaaah. The Drama Queen is in tha houz.

I miss him. I miss him terribly that it's killing me. Do I ever cross his mind? Does he even think of how we kinda started around this same month last year? I do. I do remember... Every bit... Of the way WE were.

And in THAT moment I was happy. Happy. I Wish You Were Here. Ahh. The Incubus theme song. He made me euphoric and insanely happy. And at a certain point, I was so convinced that he was the one. The one who made all my suffering to finally make sense. And the moment he dragged the name of God in one of those conversations, I thought, Oh dear God, thank you for sending him to me. "In God's time, you'll fall in love for the right reasons, to the right person. When that time comes, that love will be worth the wait, the tears and the pain. Then you'll forget you ever cried."

There's something about
The look in your eyes
Something I noticed when
The light was just right
It reminded me twice
That I was alive
And it reminded me that
You're so worth the fight...

~ Echo, Incubus

But who would've known huh? Who would have known it would end up this way. When I was resting my head on his shoulders at the backseat of the car on the way home from the theater, how was I supposed to know it would end up this way?

Tried so hard...So hard to say goodbye. ~ She Will Be Loved, Maroon5

Some wounds are so deep there can be no immediate relief, no consolation; there may even be an ocean of grief extending in every direction and apparently endless. In some way, all suffering is in God. Thus, our pain is God's pain and that means in due time it will become life-giving and healing in the very measure of its intensity.

So when, God? When is my time? I am so tired of the hits and misses. So tired, God. So tired.

Why did he leave? I will never ever really know why unless I shake the daylights out of him. I thought I really understood back then, but then, not anymore. It would be nice if he could tell me what the f@#% really happened back there. But I resolved not to ever communicate with him. So there. But I fear I might break that resolution in a few days. I am so tempted to text him and ask what's up ... but what I would've wanted to say was I miss him terribly that it was killing me.

Maybe you'll soon
Forget about all
Or maybe you'll miss it like I do...

... I don't wanna write
I don't wanna call
I would not know what to say
It should be you
That's how I want it to be
Tell me you feel the same way

Oh yesterday
I was feeling safe
All I do today
is trying to be brave...

~ Tatooed on My Mind, D'Sound