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Saturday, June 05, 2004


I am re-posting this from Lucy's blog . She found this in this gal's blog.

Gaaah, I'm a sucker for mushy stuff like this!;P


"...dreams of a future never found; memories of a past still sweet..."

isn't that the saddest thing? i hope life never brings me to the point where i would actually say that. i suddenly had a very vivid (and very paranoia-inducing) image of myself 60 years from now - old, gray, and lonely - sitting by the window with ugly lines etched on my decrepit face, and nothing to show for my completely wasted life but pain and frustration and regret. not a very comforting idea.

however, as i push the highly disturbing thought out of my head, a new picture pops in: me, still old and gray and ugly, but this time, sitting beside a man, (equally old and gray and ugly, mind you), laughing over freshly-baked cookies as we reminisce over our younger, naughtier days, his boyish eyes twinkling under white bushy eyebrows, wordlessly telling me how happy he is to be spending the rest of his days with me.

mushy, i know. forgive me for that.

but then, who could resist the thought of being with someone who would love you when you're a wrinkly 80-year old as much as he did when you were a hot 18-year old? sige nga.

and don't be so cruel as to brush me off as some feeling-wise little girl. i'm not being naive. i'm pretty much aware of the fact that the love you have today may very well be gone tomorrow. no matter how perfect you think you are for each other, there is no certainty, no assurance that your "lasting power" will...well, last. there are so many possibilities for screw-ups: meeting someone else in school, falling for a co-worker, realizing that you've been in love with someone else all along, noticing how incompatible you are, suddenly not being able to get along as well as you used to, and the list goes on. you can never be completely sure that you're "meant to be". depressing, isn't it?

i scoff at couples who claim that their love is eternal. that's plain bull. i do admire, however, those who proudly tell others that "our love may not be absolutely perfect, but we can make this work as long as we both want to".

you see, feelings do fade. and that's already assuming you do feel something more than mere attraction. that's why childhood sweethearts don't always end up marrying each other, that's why monica and itos didn't get back together in the breakup diaries, that's why kris left joey. when you start seeing the not-so-rosy side of his character, feelings won't make everything easier to bear. you would be needing something a lot stronger. you need patience. you need forgiveness. you need to agree to stick with each other, and to stand by that decision firmly no matter what life throws your way.

you need to stop pestering God for signs (i know, i've done this, and he always replies with a gentle but final "you have to decide for yourself, my child), and berating him for always giving you the "wrong" ones. the wrong people are whoever you want them to be, in the same way that the right person is whoever you make him.

well, yes, i'm still a huge fan of destiny and serendipity and all that shit. i honestly believe that there is always someone for everybody. but i won't get my old/gray/ugly man if i rely on fate alone. it can only get me as far as the part where the prince meets the princess. the rest of the story, including the happy ending, is entirely up to me.

basically, what i'm getting at is this: that grow-old-with-you setup is not an easy thing to achieve. for some people, it may not even be a possibility.

so why bother at all?

we bother because although a lifetime of true happiness is not a certainty, neither is a lifetime of pure sorrow.

we bother because it will always be better to regret having done something than to regret NOT having done anything.

we bother because in the end, everyone hopes and dreams and wishes for the same thing - the time that "seldom comes but once in any life; the magical moment which bestows youth on the old, beauty on the plain, wealth on the poor, and gives human hearts a foretaste of heaven".

i rest my case.

*aww* from Love Actually