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Saturday, June 26, 2004

~* The BIG Colin Farrell News *~

Now unless you live in the batcave or something, you must have heard about the BIG Colin Farrell news that's everywhere online. I first heard the news yesterday over at Chico & Delamar. Here's the exact news that Delle read on the News at 17:

Farrell's Full Monty Cover-Up
by Lia Haberman
Jun 24, 2004, 10:00 AM PT

Colin Farrell's rep as a ladies' man just got a big boost.

A full-frontal scene in the actor's upcoming movie, A Home at the End of the World, has been cut because audiences were purportedly distracted by Farrell's supposedly massive member.

Members of both sexes cheered at the unrobed Irishman during a test audience screening of the flick recently, disrupting what was supposed to be a poignant scene, according to the New York Post. (In a slightly differing account, the New York Daily News reported that the audience "gasped.")

"That was never what we intended," producer John Hart told the Post Wednesday.

"None of us are prudish, Colin Farrell least of all, but when we saw that it was pulling people out of the movie--why would we do that to the story?"

On the flip side, several online reports suggest that Farrell was "fluffed" before his big scene.

All the ruckus over the size of Farrell's family jewels has led director Michael Mayer to crop the scene in which Farrell's character strolls out of his East Village apartment bedroom in his birthday suit. Instead, he'll be naked to the navel.

Scheduled for a July 23 release, the R-rated flick is about a bisexual love triangle set in New York among two former childhood friends (played by Farrell and Dallas Roberts) and the free-spirited roommate of one of the men (played by Robin Wright Penn). Sissy Spacek also stars.


I had a totally amusing afternoon surfing all over the net about this, ermm, "big" news. And I swear, the headlines they use are just sheer pun galore! Hahaha! Here are some more of 'em:

Colin's BIG Scene Gets the Chopper
by Victoria Newton

I've always said there was something special about COLIN FARRELL--and now I have the proof.

It's official--the Irish badboy is very, very well hung.

The bad news is his manhood is so big it had to be axed from nude scenes in new movie A Home At The End Of The World.

Boo hiss--I feel a petition coming on.

I can reveal Colin's considerable chopper caused such a stir among audiences at test screenings that scenes showing his privates ended up on the cutting-room floor.

A source says: "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full-frontal pose.

"The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable.

"It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it."

Michael Mayer, who directed the movie, in which Colin plays a bisexual in a love triangle, admits: “It was distracting."

But don't worry girls, all is not lost.

Colin is so incensed he won't be shown in his full glory in cinemas (you're not the only one, Col), he is demanding the scenes be included when the film comes out on DVD.

My insider tells me: "Producers have agreed, so his female fans have a treat in store." Hurray.


~oO0Oo~


Now these series of articles from Defamer.com, are the most amusing ones. You will go ROTFL over their choice of words, I swear! ;P



More On Colin Farrell's Mammoth Privates

It's becoming obvious that today's Defamer will be hijacked by the likes of Britney Spears, the Olsens, and Colin Farrell's Supposedly Enormous Johnson. There's little we can do but give Brit a shoulder to lean on, hold Mary-Kate's hair, and try not to get our eye poked out by Farrell's renegade member. Alas, now the spectre of controversy is dangling around Farrell, as a well-informed reader thinks there's something amiss with the Irishman's on-screen junk:

I saw "A Home..." at a press screening two months ago. As the editor of a nat'l gay men's mag at the time, you bet my guest and I were somewhat overwhelmed when we saw Colin's meat literally precede him out of the bedroom in the aforementioned nixed shot. Of course, I was on the phone with all of my crony gay mag editor friends the next day gossiping about it, because there was something that just wasn't right. You have to understand, we've seen a lot of c*ck. Not to get into the gory details, but a p***s just doesn't usually move the way his wagged (or, rather, didn't) when he walked down the hall. The verdict was it was most definitely fluffed. That, or, we wouldn't have been surprised if the Colin PR machine insisted on a little low-budget CG "enhancement." Plus, what is he, like 5'5"? Of course it'll look big.

So now we're left to wonder if Farrell was fluffed or if we're all the victims of a CGI stunt c*ck. (We're going to leave the frame-by-frame analysis to someone else, we're still busy with the Lohan investigation.) Only one thing is clear: Farrell's genius PR team is going to get a huge f***ing raise or be hired away by Tom Cruise, even though they neglected the balls.


Colin Farrell's Mammoth Privates Overwhelm Test Audience

The British Sun's "Bizarre" column reports that Colin Farrell's p***s is SO HUGE that it distracted test audiences for his film A Home At The End Of The World. So off-putting was the massive schlong that it was cut from a nude scene. Says their source, "All you could hear were gasps when Colin appeared in his full-frontal pose. The women were over-excited and the men looked really uncomfortable. It was such a sight it made it difficult to concentrate on the plot, so the decision was made to get rid of it."

We can almost hear the publicist snickering into the phone. No, no. It was like a f***ing anaconda, and members in the audience with a fear of snakes either fainted dead away or suffered life-threatening aneurysms. You might want to print "huge" in all caps, just to convey how incredibly large Farrell's c*ck is. Maybe snake isn't a good word. Does "dragon" amply convey the scale, without making his genitalia seem horned and weird? Let's go with dragon.

The Continuing Saga Of Colin Farrell's Family Jewels

Just when we thought we might finally be free of The Curious Case of Colin Farrell's Oversized Tool On The Cutting Room Floor, we're bombarded with new info. A spy with knowledge of such matters tells us that Farrell had "final c*ck image approval" for A Home At The End Of The World , and after seeing a cut of his moneymaker in a screening, flipped his little army helmet and demanded that alternate footage be used. We don't know whether or not this involved reshoots with a zoom lens, or why he allegedly threw the fit, but one thing is certain: In the last 24 hours, we've written more euphemisms for "p***s" than a copywriter for gay porn video boxes. Also, stories about your favorite bad boy actor's equipment being cut for, um, length, may be greatly exaggerated.


2 comments:

june said...

ohhh myyy bakit nila ni cuttt!! excited na ako!!!! grrrrr.. i lab collinnnn

Abbie eXcites said...

Oohlalala! Colin is the ultimate best in playing those bad boy roles. Whoooa!

~

I wonder what's happening to Lindsay Lohan. There was Mark Kate...and now her?! What's happening to these former child stars?