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Saturday, April 03, 2004

~*FALLING... TSK, TSK... *~

I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

I can't even friggin' walk around the, ummm, place without my heart racing like crazy coz I am already half-petrified at the thought of bumping into him. Gaaah. I think I've got it bad. The more freaked out I am when he is, at the very least, visible to me at some distance, the more it terrifies me that this is becoming too real, too significant. It doesn't seem to be just a lil crush anymore. I can feel this object of my affection will turn out to be the same way as what I felt with ITY. After college, I have never ever found someone who measured up to the qualities of this crush of mine back in college. And then here comes this, uhh, dude from, uhh, basta, and freakishly, he fits the bill almost perfectly. And then I find out where his province is and I'm like, "Holy crap this is too freaky! Didn't I say to myself waaay back in college that I wish I'd meet a guy from ____ (*gaah, I'll be totally busted if he reads this so I'll leave it blank* I am still scared that he might breeze by this blog...) coz they seem to be/known to be that "breed" (ackkk, parang dogs. oh well, the right term escapes me at the moment...) of men who are just so super-kaduper lambing. And super lambing guys are really my no. 1 weakness. *sigh*. I just melt over super-sweet charmers.

I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

I am even too shocked to break into a smile when I see him. And I hate it when he just suddenly springs right in front of me. I just go "gaaaah" silently as I hurriedly walk away. The key is to scamper away as fast as it is humanly possible while donning high heels. And then I end up muttering under my (short) breath, while crazily palpitating: " I hate this, I hate this, I hate this." I was not like this last December. This is baaaad. I've got it baaad.

Oh well. I have mastered the art of acting nonchalant when I bump into him. So I guess it's all good. But then I hate the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. It tends to be quite stressful if it happens almost everyday.

Oh, and did I mention that I felt jealous tonight coz uhh, basta. Huhuhu. Selos ako. :'(

Man, I freakin' hate this!!! Stupid, stupid love.

Gaaah. This is gonna be the death of me. Stupid love. Of course it wouldn't be stupid anymore if the feeling is mutual, right? But then he's.... man, I can't explain this anymore. This is turning out to be a very complex emotion.

So help me God.